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_____My colleagues at Princeton always thought I was a little strange. They never understood why I’d carry a pair of slippers in my messenger bag or why I’d sit in a half-lotus position on the top of a platform in the middle of my lecture hall while teaching. They always assumed I was in protest of something; in reality, I just preferred to sit. As Churchill said, "Why stand when you can sit?" Slippers only added to the comfort. And believe me, when I’m comfortable, I become infinitely more interesting; wisdom shoots out of my mouth every minute. No matter how strange they thought my teaching habits were, they were just befuddled at my activities during summer break. Instead of traveling to foreign nations, working on my publications, or volunteering, I tried my luck at comedy.

_____"So I was walking down an aisle in the supermarket one day. I saw that there were bottles that said 'bitter lemon water.' I thought to myself, "Why is it bitter? And where's the only slightly resentful lemon water?" And so on.

_____The audience, of course, was less than enamored by attempts at humor. I never thought I’d hear such a piercing silence. I tried to imagine the time I went to Fiji and rested on the beach, with nothing but natural sounds creating a muddled but peaceful background, to keep me at ease. I heard nothing but slight whispers of "What the hell?" "This is supposed to be funny?" and "I cannot believed I wasted fifteen bucks on this garbage."

_____ I always found myself to be hysterical. Rodney Dangerfield, George Carlin, _____ _________, Jerry Seinfeld – or so I thought it would be like that. I always felt my biting, self-deprecating humor, combined with my knack for making wise remarks about the inane, would give me a leg up when doing stand up comedy. It didn’t.

_____That was the last time I tried it. I heard a rumor that a petition went around trying to ban me from any comedy club, but I’m glad I tried it. After high school, I was far less timid. I tried many new things that I was too pussyfooted to try before. And boy did it work out well.

_____I can still remember her walking up to that last night. She was a brunette with short, wavy hair; eyes that would pull you down like gravity; and a smile so great, you couldn’t look away. She was as lovely as her name: Janine. This was the first time in my life I ever looked at a woman and wanted to immediately throw her down to the nearest flat surface. She rocked my world.

_____"I didn’t think you were that bad."

_____"Well, gee, thanks, I guess that’s a
compliment."

_____"Oh shut up, you know what I meant."

Wow, she would verbally spar with me. She was already good in my book.

_____"I can’t imagine why nobody else would laugh. I guess it’s that they don’t like to think. Or perhaps you were too subtle for them. It’s hard to say. Anyway, I liked it."

_____"I’m glad to hear it. I was worried that someone would come over to tell me that my hair was sticking up or that my fly was down the entire time."

_____"Hey, if that happened, you might have gotten a laugh."

I was silent. She did it again. This wasn’t an anomaly. I found someone like me.

_____"Hey, I’ve got a Ph. D. in history at Princeton and now teach there. At least I can do two things well."

_____"What’s the second thing?"

_____"Bore people do death."

_____"You already mentioned that you taught, so please, tell me the second thing."

She did a third time. For a few seconds, I insisted I had to be dreaming.

_____"What do you do?"

_____"I’m an orthopedic surgeon. I’d say that I can get on people’s backs, but I don’t want to steal the spotlight from you and your humor."

That’s it. This is the girl for me – smart, attractive, and she verbally spars with me. She’s the one.

_____"Would you like to go get something to eat?"

_____"Well, sure, but I’m not really in the mood for restaurant food right now. But there’s a twenty four-hour deli a few blocks away. There are tables there, so we can sit. I hate to stand. And they make a mean chicken salad sandwich. It’s a nifty little place."

_____"You lead the way."

_____"That’s how I met my wife. She died of cancer a few years ago. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person take something so horrific so well. If I had cancer, I’d •••• and moan until I couldn’t speak any longer. Janine, lovely Janine, well, she’d probably tell me to "just shut up." She’d probably tell me she’d rather discuss a book we both read or our favorite lines from repeats of "The Simpsons." That’s what I loved. She knew how I worked. She was just incredible. After she lost her hair, she just laughed and said, "Hey, it takes fifteen minutes off of my morning routine." She gave me the best years I’ve ever known. I’m eternally grateful.

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So I realized there might be some problems with paragraphing and missing " marks, but that's not too terrible.

The prompt is write p. 217 of your 300-page autobiography. This was used as an essay for one school and sent off as an extra essay for many other schools.

So what do you think?

By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:15 pm: Edit

yeah, it's really good. but a little hard to understand. is it a story?

By bigparoxysm on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:26 pm: Edit

cookie, it's p. 217 of my 300-page autobiography, so I guess it's a story. However, it's completely factual, evidently.

By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:29 pm: Edit

o... my bad...

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:32 pm: Edit

Ehh, don't worry about that.

I'm hope that this is the sort of essay (along with my other one) that will make adcoms push for my acceptance.

By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:37 pm: Edit

buddy, how bad are your grades? tell me!

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:48 pm: Edit

They aren't that bad. I have a 94.327 weighted average. My class rank (for midyear repoirts) will be 61/250.

I've taken math and Spanish (until I stopped Spanish after level III in 10th grade) a year ahead of time, starting in 8th grade. I've taken English and history honors in 9th; English, history, and Science Research I/II honors in 10th; precalculus honors in 11th; and economics honors in 12th (no AP). As for AP classes, I've taken four in 11th (English Language, Environmental Science, US History, and European History) and four this year in 12th (English Lit. Psychology, Biology, and Government).

On my AP exams, I got a 3 on Environmental Science and English Language, a 4 on US, and a 5 on Euro.

By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:53 pm: Edit

don't worry about it.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 02:54 pm: Edit

Don't worry about what?

By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 04:44 pm: Edit

your grades...

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 05:14 pm: Edit

Oh right. Wow, I'm slow today, although how that's different any other day, I don't know.

I know I'm not going to be automatically accepted at any of my reach schools, but if I can make it to the comittee stages, I think I will be okay. Then again, 94.327 average is weighted, so I don't know.

If you're not automatic reject at selective colleges like Brown, they send you to a comittee stage where your application is discussed by a few peope, right?

I wish I could have qualified for Harvard, Yale, or Princeton, but perhaps I'll go there for graduate school. If I got into Brown, I'd be so incredibly thrilled. Attending that school would be the best experience of my life.

By cookie on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 05:20 pm: Edit

I feel that way about NYU too. Good luck

By Casper on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 07:53 pm: Edit

Someone has claimed that Brown recieves more apps per slot (or did in 1995/6) than did H P or Y -- I don't know if it's true, but food for thought.

By Casper on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 07:54 pm: Edit

Oh, as a side note, Good Essay.

By tamwitch on Saturday, February 15, 2003 - 10:33 pm: Edit

I think your essay is pretty good overall, it's unique and has me wanting to more know about you. I guess that would be a good sign.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 04:01 pm: Edit

To Casper and tamwitch, thanks. This was an essay I wrote for Geneseo, but I also sent it to many of the selective places on my list like Georgetown, Tufts, et al. as an extra essay. If they read it, and I believe they will, I think it might get me an acceptance letter.

I might like this one more than my other one I posted here.

I'm actually going to post a few more here.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 01:58 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 12:11 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 03:08 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 03:17 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, March 21, 2003 - 11:08 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Rossler (Rossler) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 01:05 pm: Edit

One question...why do you talk about Princeton in your essay, if your sending it to Brown, Georgetown, Tufts, etc.? Won't that make it look like you'd rather go to Princeton than these schools?

By Asdf (Asdf) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 02:27 pm: Edit

No Rossler, because Princeton was the only school that gave that prompt. That wasn't his essay from the Common Application

By Jimmywrest (Jimmywrest) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 02:38 pm: Edit

I liked it a lot.

By Rossler (Rossler) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 02:43 pm: Edit

Princeton didn't give that prompt; they gave four short essay questions that had nothing to do with the page 217 of autobiography thing. Besides, he said he didn't apply to Princeton: "I wish I could have qualified for Harvard, Yale, or Princeton, but perhaps I'll go there for graduate school."

By Jimmywrest (Jimmywrest) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 02:46 pm: Edit

in the essay he says he got his phd there. these undergrad schools dont expect him to apply there after he graduates too, do they?

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 11:25 pm: Edit

Rossler, when I sent this essay to Geneseo, I used Princeton's name. When I sent it to the other schools as an extra essay, I changed the name for that particular school.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, March 23, 2003 - 11:25 pm: Edit

Rossler, when I sent this essay to Geneseo, I used Princeton's name. When I sent it to the other schools as an extra essay, I changed the name for that particular school.

By Zerostylus (Zerostylus) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 12:49 am: Edit

keke penn says NO

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Wednesday, March 26, 2003 - 10:06 am: Edit

"keke penn says NO"

What does that mean?