Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

_____"Why don’t you like me?" As a camp counselor one summer, I asked a twelve-year-old female that very question. She claimed her dislike for me was simple: eight things about me annoyed her. I had braces, wore glasses, and had a natural but incongruous patch of blond in my brown hair; my "misshapen" head featured my "gigantic" nose. My haircut was bad; my voice was irritating. The worst part, she believed, was my name: _____. A few years earlier, her remarks would have left me sulky for the rest of the day. Having matured, her comments instead elicited the best laugh I had all summer.

_____Earlier in my life, I was the archetypal, insecure adolescent: pestering my mother to buy the latest fifty-dollar pair of jeans, needing to have others like me, and sometimes being too wrapped up in self-importance to care about anything else. What was occurring in the world was nowhere near as significant as whether I blended in with everyone. I cared about what others thought. I was ridiculous.

_____I now like who I am. I slam doors when I am angry; I certainly am not next in line to receive a modeling contract for Calvin Klein underwear; and despite my best intentions, dirty socks remain beneath my bed. If an undernourished dog with three legs begs me for a quarter when I order pizza, I try to donate. Piecewise functions in calculus continue to haunt me in my sleep. While I will not receive canonization or a Nobel Prize any time soon, I try to be affable in my own way.

_____I am uncertain when I stopped caring about what others thought. I did not have an epiphany while watching "The Simpsons" or reading. Yet, I now have the confidence to fall while walking with a dryer sheet hanging out of my back pocket but not worry that others might stare or laugh. The feeling is unbelievable.

_____As comfortable as I am with myself, this sensation is not absolute. I still wish I could disappear when I experience something embarrassing. Earplugs are all I want when I hear my peers speak gleefully about standardized test scores, as though the world had declared peace or eradicated famine.

_____As I matured, I realized that being imperfect allows for growth. Approaching a situation with the realization that I could very well blunder can set the stage for success. In Advanced Placement Biology, the class endures arduous assignments. Worried from the onset about the inordinate amount of material, my concerns only increased when I thought of others in the class. When I kept failing quizzes, I despaired. I religiously read my notes. I paid strict attention in class. I comprehended the teacher’s lectures. How could I fail when friends in the class did so well? After pouring my spinning head out on my teacher’s lab table, Mrs. Sullivan replied that I must stop comparing myself to my classmates. Only then could I can truly immerse myself in all aspects of life. Any pretensions or concerns would be lost. In any situation, I would develop and acquire something new and fresh. Narrowly focusing on competing with my peers only increases the possibility of failure.

_____I try not to think of what my life will be like in twenty years. I might not drive the nicest car. My "misshapen" head, with its bad haircut and "gigantic nose," will not adorn the cover of TIME. My attire might be plain, my tennis skills only middling. At least I recognize those issues are insignificant. Creating a faultless, meticulous image is futile; another problem will arise each day. Whatever happens, I will be okay. I like who I am. I will surely like whoever I become.


--------------------------------------------------

For most cases, when I sent the Common Application, I used this essay. I made some minor changes, but they were mostly minor grammatical errors ("cared about" instead of "cared"), except when I added these words: "but not worry that others might stare or laugh."

So what do you think?

(Oh yeah, the _____ is used because the way the system enters my words is bizarre. So each ____ followed by words is a paragraph.)

By cookie on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:14 pm: Edit

good job, but i was little confused with the transition to being at summer camp and your biology class. it happened kind of quickly. But you're a good writer. good luck.

By bigparoxysm on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:22 pm: Edit

Thanks. My numbers are a little sketchy for many of my schools, so I am hoping my essays will pull me up and get me that thick envelope. I've actually sent extra essays to many of the selective colleges on my list. One of them is a little out there. Perhaps I'll post them at some point.

Good luck to you as well.

By Me on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:25 pm: Edit

I´m not an expert, but I thought that it was very good.

By cookie on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:27 pm: Edit

bigparoxysm, what schools did you apply to.

By bigparoxysm on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:49 pm: Edit

cookie, my hardest schools are georgetown, penn, and brown. I am pretty much •••••• at Georgetown because of my SAT II scores, but Brown and Penn require either the SAT I and three SAT II exams or the ACT, and my ACT is much better than the first option. Perhaps they'll take my ACT score over the first option.

I also applied to Tufts, Vassar, Colby, Hamilton, Lafayette, GWU, Mary Washington, Hobart and William Smith, and many others. Some of them onlt received the ACT score report, like UNC-Chapel Hill, because that was a good score, and there was no point for them to see the low scores.

By bigparoxysm on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:50 pm: Edit

My grammatical corrections: "Georgetown, Penn, and Brown," not "georgetown, penn, and brown."

By cookie on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:53 pm: Edit

lol. i applied to tufts too. but i don't wanna go there at all anymore. good luck.

By cookie on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:53 pm: Edit

did u want to go out with the twelve year old...

By bigparoxysm on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:55 pm: Edit

Why don't you want to go to Tufts?

By bigparoxysm on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:55 pm: Edit

Uh, no, I didn't want to go out with a twelve-year-old. This little girl was a bitch. I was just curious why she detested me so much, something she told me every day.

By cookie on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 06:56 pm: Edit

lol...

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, February 14, 2003 - 11:48 pm: Edit

cookie, I don't understand. Why would you ask something like that?

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 04:03 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 04:05 pm: Edit

BUMP

By d on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 04:22 pm: Edit

"underwear; and"

Conjunctions take commas, not semicolons, but no admissions officer will care about that.as

By e on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 12:20 am: Edit

I think the essay sucks, it seems like your trying way too hard. There is no thought behind it, completly unoriginal and cliche for the typical American nerd.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 12:35 am: Edit

to d, Well, my English teacher never said anything about it, and she's one to hammer me if something is grammatically incorrect. We had a five minute discussion on a semicolon once.

to e, most other people seem to like it. I know the topic isn't very original, but I thought parts of it were. Since most regular people like it, I don't see why a college admissions officer won't like it.

By englishteacher on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 01:29 pm: Edit

The line line is the best line in the entire essay, and IMHO, the sentence around which I would have constructed the theme of the entire essay.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 11:08 pm: Edit

"The line line is the best line in the entire essay, and IMHO, the sentence around which I would have constructed the theme of the entire essay."

What?

By englishteacher on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 11:14 am: Edit

Sorry, I was referring to the last three lines specifically. The problem with this essay is that it wanders thematically -- what is it about? Your reader should be able to answer this question after the first paragraph. What you need is a good, old fashioned "opening paragraph" that tells your reader what the essay is about. The last three lines seem to state the point you were trying to make -- the theme -- so I'd incorporate those lines into an opening paragraph & incorporate references to those lines throughout the entire essay.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 01:51 pm: Edit

Nobody else has said it wanders thematically. It's about how I don't really care that much about what others think of me.

By a on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 02:00 pm: Edit

Great essay, with lots of personality and honesty. I would have de-emphasized the "failing" for something more along the lines of "not doing well," but that's about it. This essay will stand out at schools that have reps for attracting boring kids who have terrible, bland essays- penn. Good luck, and let us know where you get in!

By et on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 02:23 pm: Edit

Thank you for clarifying that point, maybe you should email it to the admissions officers at the colleges you applied to. Seriously, why did you ask for opinions if you are going to be defensive about it? And if you really don't care what others think about you, why post on this board at all???

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 02:58 pm: Edit

to a, thanks, I really want to get into a selective school. I sent it to every school except Geneseo. I don't think I'll get into Penn, but do you really think this essay might get me in? What about Brown, Tufts, Vassar, UNC, and other selective schools like that?

to et, I already sent it to every school except Geneseo. I'm not being defensive. I appreciated your comments. They'll keep my head on the ground. But posting on this board has nothing to do with not caring what others think.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, February 18, 2003 - 09:50 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 12:06 pm: Edit

BUMP

By index on Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 05:05 am: Edit

to et - i think she doesn't respect your opinion because its true - to most others, perhaps more literary people, its quite clear what her theme and purpose of each paragraph is.

i thought the cross cuts were effective.

its better than a lot of essays i've seen posted up here, too.

good luck to you

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 10:32 am: Edit

Um, I'm a guy.

I hope it gets me into a selective school, but who the hell knows?

I'm on break this week, but there's so much damn work to do be done.

By cookie on Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 04:23 pm: Edit

big, it's a good essay.

By bot on Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 05:11 pm: Edit

hey, I really liked your essay! It shows alot of character, and made me laugh. My essay for Penn (accepted ED to the college) was presented in a similar fashion, humorous and anti-intellectual. There's a bit of a Salinger quality to it. Email me or something, and come to Penn!

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Thursday, February 20, 2003 - 06:15 pm: Edit

cookie, thank you for your kind comments. I hope it gets me in, but who knows. I doubt I'm telling you something that's not very evident, but I'm very neurotic.

bot, thanks, but I didn't think the essay was anti-intellectual. I just thought it represented me well. I may not get into Penn or Brown, but I think I might stand a chance at Vassar. But it would be sweet if I got into Brown or Penn.

Actually, let me ask you guys something: I just came back from my Vassar interview, where the guy said he received a very early "sorry but no" letter from Williams when he applied to help him find out his educational future (read: we're rejecting you so you can plan ahead for next year.) Do they still do that sort of thing, like telling kids that if they have no chance at all (a 500 at Harvard, for instance) well before the admissions response date? I don't think they do it, but if they do, the I guess it's a good sign I didn't get one.

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 03:09 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Nyguy (Nyguy) on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 08:26 pm: Edit

< removed -Admin >

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 03:16 pm: Edit

Nyguy, what did you say?

BUMP

By Bigparoxysm (Bigparoxysm) on Friday, March 21, 2003 - 11:09 pm: Edit

BUMP

By Sls (Sls) on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 04:49 pm: Edit

I am a junior right now and I was just wondering what my chances are of getting admitted to a school like Vassar or Northwestern. I haven't taken the SAT I or ACT, but I got a 750 Writing SAT II, 690 Bio, and 620 Math IIC. I have a 3.96 GPA- honors/AP courses. Good extracurriculars- sports, leadership-senior class president, volunteer, etc.