College Admissions Essay - Read Please and Edit or Advise

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: February 2003 Archive: College Admissions Essay - Read Please and Edit or Advise
By Steve on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 07:20 pm: Edit

You may think that I am typical of all other applicants to your school, but some time ago, an intense and real event happened to me to which I can completely contribute my uniqueness. Thanks to this gift, of which I am merely the passive recipient, I am now displaying atypical characteristics when compared to your other applicants. I am now, in fact, superior to your other applicants. I am unique. I use polysyllabic words. This experience, that has touched me so intensely, cannot be described without resonances of lies, because it is, indeed, a lie. Everything that is special about me you have already seen in your application. There is no further information to know about me. I have spent all my waking moments to work towards the goals established in your application. While setting out to establish my work, I did not read the Essay portion of this application. Now, I have no essay to write. I cannot lie. I am not creative enough to lie, so I will instead tell you the truth.
All my life, I have been tweaking the appearance of a rebel. I am not a rebel; I wanted to seem like one. Indeed, I did seem like one. Rebelling is looked on positively by colleges, they tell me. However, my rebellion is nonexistent. The entire time, I was faking it. If you mention bits and pieces of trivia concerning religion, politics, the damned condition of our educational system and the unredeemable nature of human beings, you are the automatic rebel. It is similar to wearing a McDonald’s uniform. Do not misunderstand me. I am not creative enough to think of that analogy. I read it in a brochure and when applied, it seemed to work. I was readily accepted into the society of rebels, though I am an ultimate conformist, and a lazy one at that. With my acceptance into this society, I was told of books to read. I paid someone to read them for me and I have an unparalleled wealth of superficial knowledge. I am the ultimate intellectual trend. I know that Freudian psychology has an unusual fixation on sex. I know that Romanticism has an unusual fixation on emotions. I know that religion has an unusual fixation on lies. Yet, I’m not sure why any of this is true.
A teacher told me I was a “type,” the type to be rebellious in school, yet possess great intellect and high SAT scores, the type that you colleges love to raise to new heights through the motivation provided through your fascinating teachers and subjects. After all, even in my primal stupidity, I know that SAT scores and intellect are virtually synonymous. High SAT scores are great intellect and my high SAT scores are a result of my great intellect. I paid someone to take them for me. They are high because I am smart. My teachers, like my rebellious peers, automatically assumed that I was that rebellious mind, because despite the fact that I was quiet in class, I had that high SAT score. I was quiet because I didn’t want to give away my stupidity. Yet, I am smart enough to build such a simple but effective system on my SAT scores, and my SAT scores are the result of some kid I paid. The ability to pay this kid was the result of my wealth, and my wealth is not my own.
Yet, my success is inevitable. College will not matter to me because I am rich. I am richer than you or any of your students will ever be. I will use college as an opportunity to drink large amounts of alcohol. I will use it as a chance to experiment sexually and with various organic substances. It will be a way to prepare for my future. My wealth is self-perpetuating. There will be people that will make money for me. They will work under me. They will be your Ivy League graduates. My family has built their wealth on abusing the minds that you are responsible for creating. My family has been in a society that abuses the intelligence of others. You have studied to be intelligent for yourselves. I have studied to be a parasite of your intellect.
I am telling you this now because it is the truth. I am telling you the truth because I can wave the truth in front of your face, and you can do nothing to prevent it. My wealth is self-perpetuating and you will be my servant in the future, if I allow you that position. Though it seems as though I have wasted the 50 dollar application fee, it is well worth it to know that in the near future you will realize that you have been forewarned.
Furthermore, this essay was originally one long paragraph. I paid someone to revise and extrapolate on ideas that I have built on. I am not sure what extrapolate means and when the author of this was done, I did not bother to question him, because I am beyond and above intellect. My vocabulary, though it is limited, is enough to take full advantage of the simpletons that I, supposedly, seem superior to.

By olive oil on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 07:58 pm: Edit


By hi on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 09:29 pm: Edit

lol. it's entertaining, but why would you ever write this?

By Ryuji on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 09:42 pm: Edit

It's very unique, funny and thoughtful, but risky..Some ppl may not like to hear that.

By Potter on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 09:57 pm: Edit

nice Steve, now that's what I call an ESSAY. Ryuji, it's just a joke. He's not really going to send it to college!

By Mattymatt (Mattymatt) on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 10:35 pm: Edit

lol funny essay.. where are you applying too?

By didnotlike on Thursday, January 30, 2003 - 10:48 pm: Edit

This is crap. Is full of typos and gramatic errors.

By wer on Friday, January 31, 2003 - 12:49 am: Edit

lol, cool essay. if you revise it a little and make it slightly less offensive, it would be a good essay to send to "reach schools".

By Steve on Friday, January 31, 2003 - 03:08 pm: Edit

"This is crap. Is full of typos and gramatic errors. "
Was that a joke? lol. I'm confused....
I didn't really send it, but I thought you'd all appreciate it, since college admissions is such a tough time.

By Useatoothbrush (Useatoothbrush) on Sunday, February 02, 2003 - 10:38 pm: Edit

Ha this is great. You've got the pretentious wannabe rebellious intellectual poor little rich boy thing captured perfectly. You are my hero.

By gres on Monday, February 03, 2003 - 12:45 pm: Edit

What did you really get on your SATs, steve?

By Steve on Monday, February 03, 2003 - 03:30 pm: Edit

Thanks. 1550 on the SAT I, 800 on the Math IIC, 790 on the Writing and 720 on the Chem and Bio.

By asdf on Monday, February 03, 2003 - 04:29 pm: Edit

Steve, your essay is awful! Really..."High SAT scores are great intellect and my high SAT scores are a result of my great intellect... They are high because I am smart."

Good luck at a CC!

By Vizious (Vizious) on Tuesday, February 04, 2003 - 09:39 pm: Edit


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