Revealing my essays...your opinion?





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Discus: College Admissions: March 2004 Archive: Revealing my essays...your opinion?
By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 09:54 am: Edit

at first i sent it to Brown for ED, the sent it to all of my colleges in the commonapp as my essay..

Question #6 - In reading your application, we want to get to know you as well as we can. We ask that you use this opportunity to tell us something more about yourself that would help us toward a sense of who you are, how you think, and what issues and ideas interest you most.

I keep a pad and pen right next to my bed. No, it’s not because I’m a compulsive writer, in fact, I’m not too fond of writing at all. It’s actually quite simple. For as long as I can remember, I have tended to devise solutions to problems in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, morning comes and the idea has vanished. So, now my paper and pen are on the right side of my bed on top of my nightstand. Lately I have been stressing over how to properly represent myself on paper to Brown admissions officers, in an essay that I would want to read myself. Lo and behold, last night, October 11, 2003 at 2:21 am, I awoke searching for my pen and paper. The next morning, having completely forgotten what I wrote, I looked at my paper and saw:

10/11 2:21
like all video games
exact opposite
Spider-Man=ME

Yeah, I had the same reaction, what could this gibberish possibly mean? As it turns out, it was a stroke of genius, or at least I thought so.

I’ll start with, “Like all video games.” I really enjoy video games: role playing games, adventure games, action games, first person shooters. You name it, I love it. Video games have always been a way for me to escape the pressures of everything else I was doing. Whether it was hockey practices for my town league, or the three club meetings that were scheduled on the same day at the same time, or rushing to work on Saturday mornings, there has always been something. So punching someone in a boxing game or beating someone in a street racing game always diminished some of the tension in my hectic life. Hold on, don’t throw out my essay just yet thinking I’m some menace to society, and let me explain the next part of my “night note”. “Exact opposite”. I am the exact opposite of these video games. I would never be able commit a crime; my conscience takes care of that. Despite what psychologists may say about people who favor violent games tending to mimic the content of the game, that just isn’t so with me.

Although I told you I am the “exact opposite” of the games I play, there is an exception to the rule. “Spider-Man=ME”. Spider-Man, my favorite video game of all time is that exception to the rule because “your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” represents me. The web-slinger is a smart teenager that gives life 110%, and lives by the rule that “with great power, comes great responsibility.” He uses his knowledge to help everyone in need, even if he doesn’t like the individual for other reasons. Spidey is always tinkering with new ideas to defeat his challenges that lie ahead, and he is one that loves to have fun, loves to be in others company, and loves life. Altogether, this imaginary character represents in a real way the person that I am. If Michael Simoni were a sports team, he would be the mascot. Keeping this pad and pen by my bed, has to one effect - defining how I think about myself, even when my brain is in its subconscious mode.

By Nmoreno1 (Nmoreno1) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 10:09 am: Edit

I can relate to that essay so much, i thought it was great.

Then again, what do i know...? :)

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 10:37 am: Edit

if you liked that one...i'll show you the essay i sent to JHU to attend their Pre-College program last summer...the question was if you could have a superhero power, what would it be..


Look out! Here comes the Spider-M…err…Michael ***? Ever since I was a child, my ideal superpower was to be able to shoot webs just like “your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.” The way he graciously swung from building to building performing aerial acrobatics, as if it were effortless and could shoot strong strings from his wrist, just brightened up my eyes and made me daydream about it. When I think about me going from city rooftop to rooftop, with the cold New York air blowing through my hair, and then bringing people to justice by entangling them in my own web, I think to myself, who wouldn’t want all that?

If these superpowers somehow came into my possession, I would take my 15 minutes of fun and then set out to help people in peril. I would go to the highest building, get onto the roof, find something to attach my web to it, and dive into the darkness. Afterwards, I would sit on the ledge of a brick skyscraper at night, and reflect on the things that just happened. When that is done, I would go use my web powers to entangle those who weave their own web, the wicked web of iniquity. After being covered with my sticky netting, they must come to terms with the law.

So, if I had to pick one superpower to have, then corporate frauds, con artists, and just plain thugs would tremble, for Spider-M…err Michael **** is on their trail!

By Shahab (Shahab) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 02:56 pm: Edit

honest. I liked it.

By H0neymoon (H0neymoon) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 03:04 pm: Edit

U like spider-man I see! haha ;), but no, I completely relate to what you talked about in your first essay. The most strange but briliant thoughts enter my head as I drift off to sleep, I simply have to write them down. I really believe that the smartest thoughts I've ever head have been during that time before you drift off to sleep. I've written complete essays in my head during this time.....

In fact, colleges should really promote student sleeping during lessons hahaha

By Sammgc68 (Sammgc68) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 03:12 pm: Edit

It's really quite good. I enjoyed reading it, and it's definitely pretty unique. I think you might have accidentally left in your last name in the OP, so you might want to edit that.

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 04:09 pm: Edit

o, lol, o well it was a copy and paste from somewhere else where i posted it...

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 04:21 pm: Edit

NOTE - with my actual "night note" though..i had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & Spider-Man = Me...but i stuck with Spider-Man cause i didn't want the essay to drag on and on...good idea?

By H0neymoon (H0neymoon) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 04:25 pm: Edit

This is trivial, but you know what I would have done? I would have put....

10/11 2:21
like all video games
exact opposite
Spider-Man=ME

.... at the very beginning of the essay. Just to pull them in, baffle them and then go on to explain. But it's minor. Ignore me ;) haha. I'm so bored.

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 05:13 pm: Edit

well on my essay, they were spread out because of MS Word...but i can't post it like that..

By Shahab (Shahab) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 06:41 pm: Edit

Honeymoon thats a great idea, i think it would give the essay a very good start as far as the interest-meter goes.I cant understand by jolt's response whether he has done this or not, but its a good idea.

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 06:50 pm: Edit

in my essay they were spread on for a couple of lines, in terms of placement..not in a straight line..it made it look better..trust me..lol

By H0neymoon (H0neymoon) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 06:57 pm: Edit

ah, you've lost me now.

By Mundanesundays (Mundanesundays) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 07:12 pm: Edit

dear Jolt:
I like your writing style a bunch. Yours is a good essay.

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 10:51 pm: Edit


Quote:

ah, you've lost me now.




ahh forget it..lol


thnx a bunch mundane

By Chardonnay (Chardonnay) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 10:59 pm: Edit

jolt, great essay, and lots of people (myself included) have probably experienced this. once i had just spent half and hour puzzling over a calc problem and had given up and went to sleep. i dreamt up the correct way to solve it (luckily, i remembered the dream)

By Soozievt (Soozievt) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 11:10 pm: Edit

I liked it too. At first, I thought, ugh, it is about video games! That is not good to emphasize. But then I loved the slant you had to it and the organization you had to the essay. You brought out various qualities about yourself. And you added a touch of humor when you told the reader to hold on and not throw out the essay before they form the wrong impression. You almost acknowledged that the reader might be thinking this about you. You knew saying you loved video games in itself would not be looked at as the best attribute but the twist you put on it made it very effective. You even managed to get in things about you like being in clubs or going to work or hockey. You showed a flavor of yourself, like they want you to do. I am not sure I would admit that you were not fond of writing, but I guess you were honest. Then again, by the style of the piece, it seems like you have a knack for writing, and I would have trouble believing you were not fond of doing it. You wrote the piece in a neat personal style and it is a bit different. Nice going.

Susan

By Fordhamchica03 (Fordhamchica03) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 11:19 pm: Edit

Good times homeboy! At first, I thought you were trying to show off, but your personality came out! 8.9 out 10! Well done!

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 10:42 pm: Edit

thnx Susan and Ford...maybe i'll take a creative writing course in college...but other than that..i dont wanna deal with writing anymore! lol


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