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its in the form of a love letter, and i wrote it because i got deferred (you don't have to write an essay, bu i wanted to)...please tell me any grammatical or any other changes that you thinkn should be made...

My Dearest Brown,

As Charles Dickens once said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” These words signify how my feelings for you have fluctuated for the past months.
I remember the first time I laid eyes on you. My eyes quickly shifter to University Hall and I was in amazement; such a beautiful building inside a beautiful place. I then took a stroll through your Common Green. A luscious landscape fit for a king where your student could study, relax, socialize, or just have fun. Then I felt a cool breeze. The fresh Providence air rushed into my nose and purified my body. I felt like a whole new person.
I then went down one of your elegant hallways, grazing my fingers against the wall. Although it appeared to be just a flattened piece of concrete, it spoke to me. Whispering the thought and possibility of us being together, causing a sensational feeling down my spine. It was at that instant I knew you were the one. The one who I wanted to spend the four years after high school with, maybe more. You offer me more than any other being can: a chance to fill my burning desire of quality knowledge and love.
For over three centuries, you have proved that you can provide students with what I long for. For over three centuries, you have proved time and time again that you are in a league all by yourself, and it just so happens that for three years, you have held that special place in my heart. About two months ago, you sent me a letter. As I started to glance over it, I went numb. My legs locked into place and my heart slammed into my stomach like a ton a bricks, but as I continued to read, I breathed a sigh of relief since I still have another chance. You have given me hope that one day we will be as one, in soul and in mind. I just hope that you allow me to continue your tradition of walking through the Van Wickle Gates only twice in my life: when my college seed has been planted, and when I have fully bloomed into a beautiful human being.


Forever Yours,

Michael

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 11:13 am: Edit

does anyone feel that in this essay i should list my accomplishments (or some of them) since my deferral? or just type a short cover-letter type thing in addition to this where i list my accomplishments since my deferral?

By Pattykk (Pattykk) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 11:35 am: Edit

Michael: I have been rooting for you, and I was very happy to see that you received a likely letter from Dartmouth. You seem like a child who will go far. I understand your love for Brown and your desire to go to your first choice. I don't like this love letter essay, however. It makes you sound moony-eyed. It makes me remember how painful it is to be in love with an unattainable love. I would put this essay in the "write it to get it out of your system" department; I would advise you not to send it. I would write Brown a follow-up letter, however. Do they have your ACT score? Have you retaken the SAT's? I would think that a student with your record and work ethic would be an excellent candidate for Brown. OT, what do you think about the situation in Haiti now? I am very upset that President Bush is intercepting boats at sea. I fail to see how that qualifies as compassionate conservatism. It seems very inconsistent with his stance on Mexican illegal immigrants.

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 11:47 am: Edit

lol, thnx for the honest opinion..a few have told me not to send, and a few have told me to..so im torn apart..i didn't retake the sat's i saw no need to (me and the sat's hate each other, its a mutal thing..lol)

and the Haiti thing..bush is stupid he lets cubans come here b/c they are in a communist country, but not haitians? they go thorugh basically the same thing...did you know in Haiti, the water and electricity turn off around 7 pm everyday? its so retarded, they live in poverty over there and Bush wants ot help Aristide stay in office? either let all immigrants come, or none at all...but don't choose favorites..

By Jolt21 (Jolt21) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 09:33 am: Edit

bump..

By Lhm501 (Lhm501) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 11:53 am: Edit

Please listen to Pattykk, she is right--do not send this florid piece to Brown, it can only hurt you. The only thing that should be sent is a concise & non-emotional update on anything outstanding that you have earned/accomplished since your app went in. Pattykk has your best interest at heart and her advice is right on target.

By Deor (Deor) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 05:53 pm: Edit

". . . they live in poverty over there and Bush wants ot help Aristide stay in office? . . . ."

Aristide has resigned from being President, and also he's fled Haiti--today, I think.

Just thought I'd mention that.