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Since we are interested in who you are as well as what you can do, please briefly tell us about yourself. Please feel free to describe an experience to help you clarify your point.

is this too bold???? im sending it out in a couple of hours...

I am sure that everyone knows someone who is lactose intolerant. If you do not, then you do now. The first twelve years of my life were pretty miserable, one could actually see the path from my room to the bathroom, it was that well worn. My mother forced me to drink lots of milk and eat plenty of cheese and yogurt in a fashion typical of Korean mothers. Her reasoning for making me consume large amounts of dairy products was so I could “grow tall to be six foot.” Unfortunately, that still has not happened yet, and I doubt that any quantity of milk will change that.

I hated milk back when I was younger, I did not know why, I just disliked it. In those days, I probably frequented the bathroom twice a day. One day, after a particularly explosive bathroom session, I asked myself if it was normal to have diarrhea every day. So I did what any American would do and went on the internet. In my internet quest I found something called lactose intolerance. It sounded familiar, but whenever kids spelled it out in fifth grade, it was more like “lack toast and tall errant.” I had no idea what it meant when some boy in my class said he had it. I just nodded my head and said “that’s cool, sounds delicious.”

It turns out that sixty percent of Asians suffer from lactose intolerance. When I discovered that my symptoms matched that of lactose intolerance exactly, I printed the article out and went to my mother. I admit that I yelled at her for a while for forcing me to drink milk for the past twelve years. And for a year, I stopped eating dairy products, which is very hard, everything seems to be dairy these days. Sometimes, I do not know a product is dairy until after I ingest it, which is when I search for the closest bathroom, and pray my sphincter will hold for another ten seconds.

One day, I discovered lactaid, which are little pills that break down lactose. With lactaid, I could conquer the world. Well, not really, but at least I could eat normally again. However, it is hard to remember to take pills with you wherever you go, and sometimes I just eat ice cream or cheese and hope that it stays in my stomach until I get home. The things that happen when I sit down on my toilet after eating dairy foods put Chernobyl to shame.

Some days I envy those lucky members of the population who can drink milk and not cause a serious depletion of the ozone layer. However, being lactose intolerant is who I am. Unfortunately, I am also allergic to apples.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 12:56 am: Edit

It's cute but all I learned about it from you was that you spent a lot of time in the crapper when you were young.

Any essay that catalogs bathroom time or mentions diarhea should be rethought. Pick another topic if its not too late.

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 12:56 am: Edit

its one of my xanga (blog) entries, but cleaned up.... heres the original:

" 'Lack Toast and Tall Errant' ....... and proud."

im sure everybody knows someone whos lactose intolerant. if you dont, you do now. the first twelve years of my life were pretty miserable, you could actually see the path from my room to the bathroom, it was that well worn. my mother forced me to drink lots of milk, and eat plenty of cheese and yogurt in a typical korean way, so i could "grow tall to be 6 foot." that still hasnt happened yet, and i doubt ill eve break 5'9". i hated milk back then, i didnt know why, i just didnt like it, and i probably frequented the bathroom twice a day. one day, after a particularly explosive bathroom session, i was like damn, is it normal to have diarrhea every day? so i did what any american would do and went on the internet and found something called lactose intolerance. it sounded familiar, but whenever kids spelled it out in 5th grade, it was more like "Lack toast And Tall Errant" i had no idea what the hell it meant when some white boy said he had it. i just nodded my head and said thats cool, sounds delicious.

it turns out 60% of asians suffer from lactose intolerance...and common symptoms include bloating, gas, and diarrhea after ingesting dairy products. it matched my suffering perfectly. i printed that •••• out and went to mom and yelled at her for a while for forcing me to drink milk for the past twelve years. and for a year, i just stopped eating dairy foods... you dont know how hard that is, because everythings dairy these days. ice cream, chocolate, your mom, cheese, ice cream: sometimes you dont know that its dairy until after you eat it.... then youre like oh ••••, wheres the closest bathroom, and you pray that your sphincter will hold for another 10 seconds. and then one day, i discoverd lactaid. theyre little white pills you take when you eat anything dairy, and its made of lactase, which breaks down lactose. with lactaid, i could conquer the world. well, not really, but at least i could eat normally again. but im pretty lazy, and its hard to remember to take pills with you wherever you go. so some days i just eat ice cream or cheese and what not, and hope that •••• stays in until i get home... the things that happen when i sit down on that toilet after eating dairy foods puts chernobyl to shame.

but what the hell. those of you who can drink milk and not cause a serious depletion of the ozone layer, consider yourselves lucky...

hi, im justin, and im lactose intolerant.

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 12:57 am: Edit

yes!but how many essays are they going to get like this?

my other essays are serious :D

By Voigtrob (Voigtrob) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 01:01 am: Edit

Problem I see is that's the only essay where they directly ask you to TELL ABOUT YOURSELF and you didn't really do that, you told about, as people have said, being in the crapper.

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 01:01 am: Edit

i wonder if the post office is open on the 2nd?

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 01:02 am: Edit

ah. i was going to do that in Describe the accomplishment that has given you the greatest satisfaction to this point in your life.


is it too risque?

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 01:24 am: Edit

so you think its a no go? i think im going to send it anyways... unless someone thinks its that bad...

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 01:52 am: Edit

on second thought. i might write a different one.... but i wanted one of my essays to be humorous :S

By Collegeguy (Collegeguy) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 04:52 am: Edit

hrm. you're obviously a good writer, but i don't know too many people who want to read essays on lactose intolerance...

By Marek (Marek) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 06:16 am: Edit

Seriously, don't send it. It may well get you rejected. Definitely too gross for a college essay topic.

Heed the words of an acceptee.

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 06:41 am: Edit

yeah this is over.... :S much to my dissatisfaction

By Starbucksfreak (Starbucksfreak) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 09:16 am: Edit

Call me crazy, but I laughed while reading this essay and that is a first. Also, I LOVED the end sentence! LOL. I thought it a perfect ending and conclusions are hard to do. Great way to catch someone's attention! I say go for it! It does stand out.

By Greatsurgeon (Greatsurgeon) on Wednesday, December 31, 2003 - 10:17 am: Edit

too late.... the conservative minded people on this board persuaded me :S

if you like my writing, check out my xanga in my profile ;)

By Daggerlee (Daggerlee) on Thursday, January 08, 2004 - 02:52 pm: Edit

well, I found this after your other post..

I thought it was a good essay, but remove the creative references to diarrhea. You could have highlighted how Korean culture and Korean mindsets are incompatible with your lactose intolerance, and how you grew up being shaped by the needs of your own body and the needs of what your mother wanted you to be. It was funny, if a little bit overboard (for adcoms at least) in its toilet humor, and there were definitely threads of a great essay in it.