Click here to go to the NEW College Discussion Forum

Well, I saw similar threads devoted to pleas for essay help, so why not? This is a branch of the essay I posted in the "what are my chances" forum. Hope I can get more feedback this way. This is my essay to Amherst (note#1: app deadline: Dec 31). Yay for procrastination stimulation.
I had to respond to one of multiple prompts, and I chose this:

Memory: Is there a more fragile human faculty? Without it, what are we? It is the only record we have of who we were and what we want to become. Take it away and only a spiritless machine is left, free of conviction, free of purpose.

Here we go:

Memory: Is there a more irksome human quality? Without it, only the present is of concern. No danger of the past lurking in locked grudges, oozing from the infected sores of history, or mucking up the traveler’s road to the future with unearthly doubts and fears. Because of memory, we humans are but donkeys, trudging along with the past riding upon us, a burden so great it numbs the mind. And meanwhile Past gleefully dangles the carrot of the Future between our tired eyes, tantalizing and teasing us into the fairytale land of Hope. Ah, to possess memory – I wonder at this double-edged sword of potential.

The simple phrase “I remember” unlocks a whole new dimension in an already cluttered sphere; the donkey has bitten the carrot, it has seized control of the past. Victory – yes? Or what? Because now we are left to ponder, subsequently: what is the past? What have we taken into our clutches? We don’t find one isolated image in our private photo album; no neatly arranged documentary awaits our embrace. Too late, the donkey sinks its teeth into the carrot, only to discover that it is not a carrot at all, but an onion! Each layer torn away reveals tears, bittersweet, and a progressive inner spiral, and yet we persist, hoping to find, beyond our tearstained eyes, the sweet inner core. To understand the past, and consequently memory’s role, is no clean study.

Alright, I understand, as I’m sure you will, that this is only related by one concrete concept. This memory, I mean. I remember distinctly my RA, Lindsey Stephenson, cutting onions at our dining table: the only time she ever cried during those four monsoon-filled weeks. It was hamburger night at the Biosphere 2, and everyone had an assigned food group.

But of what consequence is it? It’s gone already, a fleeting strip of movie with title and producer eroded away. I find myself pulled apart, because I want beyond wanting to go back, to revisit the memory, only to open my eyes and find that I am trapped in the shroud of the present. What do I remember? The joy of friendship, the love of bonding, the pain of parting. Nothing left but to move forward. The onion lays shredded on the grass, and another carrot appears to wave us on. And the donkey? Her name was Pandora.

What do you think? Too overdone? unrealistic? unpersonal? just plain weird? (note#2: I am not mentally unstable - I don't think).
Critiques, general comments, overall impressions, dire threats, insults - all will be accepted and appreciated equally! Thanks in advance ;D

By Atpchik (Atpchik) on Sunday, December 28, 2003 - 04:20 pm: Edit

"No danger of the past lurking in locked grudges, oozing from the infected sores of history, or mucking up the traveler’s road to the future with unearthly doubts and fears." OHHH I LOVE THIS SENTENCE it sounds natural to me and not like a fake try at imagery I have seen elsewhere on this board.


"we humans are but donkeys" ahh I don't like this is there a better way you can say it it just sounds bad.


Whoa this essay is crazy. It def. does not say anything about you--so I don't know if that is of any concern to you.

It's one of those essays I need to read more than once to fully understand.

I don't understand why the donkey would be Pandora, b/c didn't Pandora's box release all the things humans now know(hate, jealousy etc) this seems to not be directly related to memory.

I also don't really know what your stance is from this essay- memory good or bad. I think you have an excellent excellent start and then you get caught up w/ all this donkey carrot business. I think if you proved what I thought you were originally were, that a lack of memory makes humans spiritless it would be a great essay.

By Jada (Jada) on Monday, December 29, 2003 - 08:52 pm: Edit

bump