|By Shhh (Shhh) on Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 04:02 pm: Edit|
It seemed like a good idea at first, but writing it and trying to make my idea make sense is rather difficult and contradictory. Should I just dump the essay? Its not yet done.
3. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the University community?
“I want to boycott words”
-“What? Why is that?”
“Because words are the worst form of communication.”
Is this not true? Is it not often that we are in lack of the right word? Vocabulary is so limited, so I have found the solution for it: the elimination of words altogether. I myself was never a verbal person. My favorite form of expression has always been to utilize facial expressions and movement to get my point across. Yes, much like a mime, but not quite. In college I plan to bring with me the unique characteristic of being able to communicate without words. Perhaps I could even found an organization whose sole purpose is to find a better form of communication. Language is so limited, so why not do away with it all together? I say the new form of expression should be that which is visual rather than auditory. Our one on one language would be through expression. Our “written” language would be through pictures, much like the cavemen. What better way to communicate than through images? Oftentimes I find myself at a lack of words so instead I draw pictures in the air.
-“But if we do this, we would then be incomprehensible”
“Not if we get used to it…words also used to be incomprehensible”
At the present time, we have learned to grow so accustomed to words that we find it diffucult to think of a world without them. When words were first invented though, they too were difficult to understand. Humans are not born with the ability to communicate with words. As babies who were first learning language, we had to pair up these sounds with images. When teaching a baby language we may point to the object in front of him and say “rattle,” and he will understand. If you simply say the word “rattle,” the sound is meaningless. This emphasizes the importance of the visual over the auditory. We are all born knowing how to see, how to cry when we are sad, and how to smile when we are happy. Then why not just limit language to the primitive form of communication? Why limit it by adding sounds to it to try to give it more meaning?
|By Voigtrob (Voigtrob) on Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 04:17 pm: Edit|
Uh. That doesn't really work, very well, I don't think. It's not really a great idea in the first place... and then trying to put it into words I think it just flops. I would suggest trying again.
|By Shhh (Shhh) on Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 05:29 pm: Edit|
|By Subparasian (Subparasian) on Sunday, December 21, 2003 - 05:53 pm: Edit|
I like it... very unique... it does need some focus though...
|By Dschnapps (Dschnapps) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 03:05 am: Edit|
Considering that the university probably intends to carry out most classes and activities using words, this off the wall essay, even in a highly edited form, could really hurt your application.
Please, for your own sake, choose a new topic.
|By Foreignboy (Foreignboy) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 03:12 am: Edit|
If you want to boycott words, don't submit an essay. Video tape yourself doing interpretive dance.
|By Bigblue04 (Bigblue04) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 03:59 am: Edit|
Yeah, I agree with Subparisian. I think it could be really interesting... it's a bit risque but if you approach it a but more objectively, they'll be more likely to think "future communications innovation" than "weird anti-word gimmick."
Right now, your essay is less about you than why words are evil (more or less). If you start with a less argumentative story about how you came to feel words are confusing, and what that says about you and what makes you tick, they'll take you more seriously. And nix the general examples like the human babies one and "rattle"- use more specific ones that apply to you- this is not a persuasive essay.
You can even wrap it up with something like "Call it odd- call it defiant- even call it disturbing. I am no linguist, but I recall a smile that conveys what a speech cannot, a gesture that reveals more than twenty essays. It is in these simple acts that we communicate our most important, and most powerful emotions. I believe this is what ties a community- very much like College X- together. I believe this very basic, very intrinsic form of communication is what unites any community- whether an elementary class or a serious college institute. And this is what I hope to offer College X."
(Obviously, you'll have to put more thought into that than the three minutes I gave the last couple sentences, but you get the idea. It'd be nice if you could tie it back to the question, of what you can offer COllege X).
Best of luck.
|By Freudboy (Freudboy) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 04:52 am: Edit|
your premise is somewhat interesting, but when it gets to "In college I plan to bring with me the unique characteristic of being able to communicate without words. Perhaps I could even found an organization whose sole purpose is to find a better form of communication. ", it's too ridiculous
|By Itempest (Itempest) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 11:47 am: Edit|
I personally find facial expressions and actions to be more limited than words. I could say angry, incensed, furious, etc. if I meant to convey that I am angry, but I can just use one face to show my anger. So I wouldn't agree that words are limited - just a little more complicated. So if you want to go back to the caveman way of going about communication - fine. Or I suppose you have some innovative way of doing this, or are thinking one up?
Either way, the essay's weakness, I think, is it barely talks about you apart from your dislike of words, which is hardly a characteristic.
|By Coureur (Coureur) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 12:59 pm: Edit|
I think it would be a very bad idea to write an essay like this. Remember that college professors, adcoms, and students spend their lives and earn their livings by using words. And you will be attacking that whole system.
If you are proposing to do without words, your essay should address how you intend to deal with the problems that will create. Words are by far the most efficient form of communication - gestures and facial expression are open to all animals, not just humans. But so far we are the only species to produce any works of literature.
Plus words are so much better at expressing abstract concepts. What is the facial expression for "the future"? What is the gesture that conveys "altruism"? What sort of interpretive dance could teach you the details of calculus or chemistry?
Moreover, words are much better at expressing fine distinctions between related but different concepts. Consider "dangerous" and "risky". What is the gesture or facial expression that can distinguish between those two concepts?
Finally, it is just flat wrong to say that babies are born with no inherent capacity for words. The human capacity for language is so great that babies pick it up spontaneously, with no formal teaching necessary. You don't have to hold up the rattle and say "rattle". Babies will figure it out on their own just fine. Consider the case of people born deaf: like all humans, so great is their natural inclination to communicate in language that, deprived of hearing, they readily adapt to communicating in sign language. And the key word here is language. Any ASL student or scholar can tell you that the sign languages of the deaf are not just gestures. They are fully formed languages consisting of sentences and WORDS.
|By Sac (Sac) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 02:27 pm: Edit|
Like Coureur, I believe an adcom is likely to react to this by wondering why they should admit someone who is not good with words to college -- which is based on reading, writing, listening, and speaking. They might even wonder why you're applying to college. Remember that a large part of the purpose of a college application essay is, in fact, to show them how well you handle WORDS.
|By Sooky6 (Sooky6) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 02:58 pm: Edit|
"why not just limit language to the primitive form of communication? Why limit it by adding sounds to it to try to give it more meaning?" Well, because words allow us describe ideas and phenomena in absentia. Facial expressions are great for talking to your friends, but don't do the next generation, or the one after that much good. This is not a well thought-out point and doesn't illustrate anything valuable that you have to offer. Ditch it!
|By Shhh (Shhh) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 07:03 pm: Edit|
"Like Coureur, I believe an adcom is likely to react to this by wondering why they should admit someone who is not good with words to college -- which is based on reading, writing, listening, and speaking. They might even wonder why you're applying to college. Remember that a large part of the purpose of a college application essay is, in fact, to show them how well you handle WORDS. "
Looks like i dont deserve to go to college. Hey its not my fault im linguistically impaired. But thank you, I knew i should have dumped it but ijust needed reassurence. My other option would be to fix up this traditional "mom" essay in order to make it answer this prompt-
1. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
Do you think i could just talk about one person, or does it have to be a whole group of people?
I deleted a lot of the introduction and the last sentence of the conclusion because they reveal my name..
I was my mother’s 3ed child, it is strange that being her second daughter, I was the one who got to share her name. This is usually common with the first born, not the last. Even stranger is the fact that we also share a birthday. Maybe there is some truth in the astrological signs, because I grew up to be so much like her.
My mother grew up in poverty, but she never allowed that to get in the way of succeeding. That is probably the main reason why I admire her so much. She never gave up. She loved to study, and unlike her sisters, was able to obtain a career that would not make her dependent on a man. It was so easy in her days, to get married and allow your husband to support you, but she refused to do that. While she did get married, she tried her hardest to be independent. She owns her own business, a school in her country,(deleted), a country with very few opportunities for people, especially those born into poverty. A country where if you are born in a ditch, you stay in that ditch your whole life. She was one of the few able to crawl out a get a glimpse of the sunshine. She certainly is one of a kind.
My mother cares so much about her children. She would do anything for them, she always puts us before herself. When my brother and sister went off to college in the United States, she went with them. Even though she had all this money in (deleted), and knew that in the United States she would have to start over from scratch. But money is not important, not compared to the United States. The United States, the land of opportunity, back in (deleted) women did not have many rights, but in the U.S everyone is protected under the law. Here she was able to divorce my father, who was mistreating her, and start over, she was able to grow stronger, and give more to her children. I thank her for this. Thanks to her, I live in a land where women have the same rights as men, where anyone can grow up to be successful, where the people are the ones who make the laws. Though she is now a citizen, and can decide to go back to (deleted), and be with her family, she has not because she wants what is best for me; and she knows in the United States, I have a chance to get a better education, have a better career, and live a better life.
I learned so much from my mother, I realize there is definitely some qualities of hers that have rubbed off on me. She cares so much about people, and sometimes she gets mad at me for trying to be the same way. She always puts others before herself, but tells me that I should be the only one I should be worried about. Right now, because she is so selfless, she is in another state with my sister helping her through rough times. She trusts me enough to let me stay with my father in (deleted), she trusts me that she has taught me correctly, and she trusts that I don’t need adult supervision all the time. She’s right. Thanks to her I can defend myself, and I can differentiate right from wrong. I know how to say no if I feel something is not right, I know that I cannot let others manipulate me. Thanks to her, I don’t have the same worries as other teenagers. She has taught me that there are more important things in life than popularity, or whatever else typical teenagers are supposed to be worried about. She has taught me, that there is one thing in this world that is important, and that is myself, and I cant let anyone mess that up.
I definitely owe my life to my mother. She is the reason I am here in the United States, she is the reason first of all why I was born. She is the reason why I understand the value of life. Thanks to her I grew up fast, and I don’t need an adult around me all the time telling me what to do. I find myself many times taking on the tasks of my mom. I say, “no mom, lay down, I’ll finish cleaning the house.” She has worked so hard, and she deserves a rest. Soon enough, I won’t have to be taken care of, I’ll be the one taking care of my mother, the same way she took care of me.
|By Apg (Apg) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 09:00 pm: Edit|
Soon enough, I won't have to be taken care of, I'll be the one taking care of my mother, the same way she took care of me.
|By Sac (Sac) on Monday, December 22, 2003 - 09:27 pm: Edit|
I like this essay very much. It's well written, and you come across as mature, strong, and appreciative of the opportunities you have been given and will make for yourself.
A few suggestions:
Go through it or have an English teacher help you go through it for comma splices (run-on sentences). There are lots of them.
Perhaps when you say she has taught you what's most important is yourself, you might change that to what's most important is your future. To say you are most important could be interpreted as being self-centered, although I know that is not the way you mean it to be taken.
|By Bhav2k1 (Bhav2k1) on Tuesday, December 23, 2003 - 05:53 pm: Edit|
|By Benjamin (Benjamin) on Tuesday, December 23, 2003 - 09:51 pm: Edit|
...it's rather ironic that in an essay in opposition to expressing yourself with words, you express yourself with words...
|By Sunnycagrl15 (Sunnycagrl15) on Wednesday, December 24, 2003 - 01:07 pm: Edit|
yeah, its a good essay, just some grammar issues and some awkward lines....have a good english teacher go over it with u and you'll be fine
|By Shhh (Shhh) on Monday, December 29, 2003 - 04:50 pm: Edit|
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