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.. i already submitted the applications, but i want to kno what u guys think. critiques?

Question #1: How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college?

With an early interest in the studies of science and mathematics, I entered high school, pursuing my passion for learning. Being introduced to the principles of structure and pattern as a Sophomore Geometry student, I sought to find patterns in the natural world. Struggling to understand the relationship between geometric figures and natural formations, I began my personal study on fractal geometry. For an independent research project, I used examples from tree branches and the coastline of California to explain how the principles of fractal geometry govern and shape the physical wonders of nature. Theorizing that nothing was “random” in the universe, I believed that the structures of cloud formations and even DNA could be understood through the properties of fractals. As an active participant in Geometry Showcases and Science Fairs, I made presentations using three-dimensional models to prove a variety of mathematical formulas and scientific laws. As a teacher’s assistant during the same year, I tutored students with difficulties in Algebra and Geometry. Following my Sophomore year, still searching for a way to make sense of the mysteries of the universe, I took courses in Chemistry, Honors Physics, and AP Biology, also participating in an animal behavior research project to better understand the observable patterns in living organisms.


Question #2: Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of California.

In nothing but my t-shirt, shorts, socks, and a pair of running shoes, I struggle against the wind, which is blowing so hard, I’m afraid that I’ll be blown away. As a part of Students Run Los Angeles, SRLA, I have been training for several months to participate in the 26-mile, City of Los Angeles Marathon. Today, I am joining the Friendship Run at Hansen Dam, an 18-mile running event alongside 2400 student runners, over an actual dam standing 100 feet high, notorious for its freezing winds, which have been known to reach up to 40 mph.

Suffering from cramps, freezing, and being out of breath, I realize the significance of team motivation and good sportsmanship. Strangers I meet while running quickly become friends, as we discuss running techniques, complain about the insanity of running in such extreme conditions, and motivate one another to keep up a good pace. These people become my inspiration, and in following their example, I too encourage people I don’t know to keep running.

Constantly reminded to work harder, eat right, and accomplish the most I can, I have been taught to set high goals for myself, with the determination and desire to excel at every challenge.


Question #3: Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe tirelessly elsewhere in the application?

As I sat quietly in the conference room, memories of late assignments and failed quizzes rushed through my mind. Understanding the look of disappointment on my mom’s face, I could do nothing but respectfully listen as she told Ms. Marquis how concerned she was that my American Literature grade had dropped to a C during the last progress report. My heart felt as if it had stopped beating as I heard my teacher chuckle out her response; “Oh, he’s doing way worse than that at this point. His grade is probably down to a D or an F.”

Looking back at that parent teacher conference today, I realize how much I have changed in just one year. As a Junior involved in school plays, sports teams, and child day care volunteering, I slept late trying to finish my homework and woke up early running around the city of Burbank, training for a marathon. In poorly prioritizing my activities, I had underestimated the time I needed for my studies, and as a result, my grades had suffered. Realizing that my time had not been utilized to its best potential, I set aside a few extra-curricular activities and increased my study habits.

By actively participating, sitting up straight, and respectfully showing enthusiasm, I was doing my best to convince Ms. Marquis that I deserved a better grade. Slowly improving by getting A’s on quizzes and tests, my confidence increased, and I felt comfortable writing papers filled with more insight. Occasionally being asked to read one of my essays in front of the class as an example of what my teacher believed to be an “excellent essay,” I felt motivated to continue doing well. As a student who also loved to read, my interest in books and articles concerning theology, philosophy, and government, furthered the development of my writing skills.

At the close of the first semester, I found out that I pulled my grade up to a solid B. In an effort to maintain my grade, I familiarized myself with a variety of American literary works, including those of Edgar Allan Poe, Samuel Clemens, and Walt Whitman, also being able to imitate them in their individual writing styles. In addition to reading in my spare time, and excelling as an individual student, I led classroom discussions on the novel Huckleberry Fin, inspiring others to learn with me.

I was ecstatic when I discovered that my efforts had paid off at the end of the year, when I earned my A-. Not to sound cliché, but with hard work and diligence, I turned my failing grade into an A.

Although the pulling up a low grade is expected of all students, it was my reaction to this experience and the effect it made on me as an individual, which sets me apart. In addition to the confidence I gained from earning my A, I also learned how to bond with my teachers. In the process of being well mannered, sitting up straight, and actively participating with a smile on my face to impress Miss Marquis, I learned how to stand out from the rest of my classmates. Also, by learning how to manage my time and prioritizing, I expertly met the needs of my many commitments, and even slept earlier.

Applying what I learned from the time I spent in Ms. Marquis classroom to other areas in my life, I did better in my academic studies, extra-curricular activities, and in forming a relationship with my parents. Now, with a certainty that anything is possible, I tell myself that even when situations seem difficult, I must never give up.

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 07:27 pm: Edit

sorry to be honest, but it's really banal

By Highschoolda (Highschoolda) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 07:58 pm: Edit

Pretty good. Which UC are u applying to.