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I know it is very rough, but i just want to know if you think it might be a good topic to talk about and if you can give me any suggestions

“Is there anything you would like us to know about you of your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in this application?”

I have always been fascinated with any kind of electronic devices: computers, cell phones, televisions, you name it. My curiosity led me to understand how all these gadgets work. Reading and experimenting on my own, I found out how televisions are built, how cell phones transmit calls, and how CD players play music. However, what intrigued me the most was the computer. I grew an infatuation with computers. Soon, I started learning program languages like C++, Java, HTML, etc. on my own. After making some simple software programs, I began focusing my attention on the internet. It was a median of communication with the world and I used websites to establish a communication. Many of the websites I built were real sophisticated that they caught the eyes of a couple of businesses. They wanted me to create and manage their websites. Using my creative ideas and extensive knowledge of the computer world, I developed first-class websites for some travel agencies, two non-profit organizations, and a contract law firm. Building these websites made me more responsible and helped me manage my time better. Moreover, I expanded my creativity while creating graphic designs and Flash animations on the websites. As I promoted the websites, I learned how to market a product efficiently. Today, I still manage the websites for the travel agencies and the contract law firm. My craze for electronics will surely help me in the future as the technology era unfolds.

By Mkhman (Mkhman) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 06:09 pm: Edit

bump

By Mkhman (Mkhman) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 06:59 pm: Edit

bump

By Mkhman (Mkhman) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 08:25 pm: Edit

bump

By Bakedfrozen (Bakedfrozen) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 08:53 pm: Edit

ok here's your problem: the first half of the essay is mediocre - you're not the only one in this world who likes gadgets by any means!! or will you be the only writing about it - it's just not different enough for such a common topic. the second half is arrogant: "Using my creative ideas and extensive knowledge of the computer world, I developed first-class websites for some travel agencies, two non-profit organizations, and a contract law firm" ! then you go on and on lol. must change it!

By Emyh (Emyh) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 09:05 pm: Edit

"real sophisticated"

grammar mistake - real is not an adjectice

"It was a median of communication with the world and I used websites to establish a communication."

you used communication twice. ditch one and find another one to way it.

The 5 sentences or so sound choppy. Reword and make it flow.

By Mkhman (Mkhman) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 09:07 pm: Edit

how is that part arrogant? becuase they were good or becuase i got a job doing it.

By Mkhman (Mkhman) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 09:09 pm: Edit

I understand the grammar, its a very rough, i need help on the ideas part.

Thanks for you help