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400 words long:

Twenty years ago, in order to give my brother the best possible environment to grow up in, my parents escaped communist Poland and settled in the United States, where I was later born. Although my parents recognized the advantages of an American citizenship and education, they did not want me to lose sight of my routes. Polish has always been the primary language spoken at home and my knowledge of the English language has come from television, school, and eventually books. Although I am often labeled as a foreigner wherever I am (I have both an American and a Polish accent), I am happy for this apparent disadvantage. I prefer to consider myself both American and Polish, and my experience with different cultures makes me the person who I am.
Throughout my life I have been able to come in contact with many different cultures, and to draw from all of them. I have spent over a quarter of my life outside the United States. Crossing the Atlantic over thirty times, I have been able to experience many of the diverse cities of Europe: Paris, Rome, Budapest, Frankfurt, London, Zurich, Lwov, Warsaw, Krakow, and others. I have met the pope on two occasions, once in a private audience in the Vatican, and another time as one of two million participants of an open mass celebrated by the Pontiff. Most of this time abroad, however, I have spent in Poland.
My time in Poland is important to me on many levels. Meeting my different aunts,cousins, uncles and grandparents has always been the part of my stay in Poland I cherish most. Secondary to this, but still important, I get to continue my passion of hiking. Over the years I have ascended every accessible peak of the Polish Tatras and many of the peaks in the neighboring Czech Republic and Slovakia. Hiking has given me the opportunity to experience not only urban cultures but provincial ones. I have spent time with shepherds living in cabins high up in the Tatra Mountains; I have lived in remote hamlets of the Carapthian Mountains of the Western Ukraine; and, I also have resided in the little farm village of Letownia in Southern Poland. As a citizen of two countries and as a traveller of many lands, I am a person who, as the Polish saying goes, "has eaten the bread from many ovens".

any critique? thx in advance.
i know i showing off but thats what college essays are supposed to be about, right?

By Borglq (Borglq) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 03:18 pm: Edit

bump

By Beenthereil (Beenthereil) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:39 pm: Edit

Borgl...It is ok. Nothing special. Roots and not "routes".

For you to have travelled across the Atlantic 30 times in 20 years, your parents must have some money.

I was born in Lithuania, during WWII, when the Russians and Germans made Lithuania their battleground. Came here when I was 5 and forced myself to learn the language (and to speak without an accent).

Interesting that you speak with an "accent" when you speak English or Polish.

Ok essay...nothing remarkable. I would suppose hundreds of thousands of people from Poland have done the same thing...except for your travels across the Atlantic.

By Beenthereil (Beenthereil) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:41 pm: Edit

By the way...Can speak fluent Lithuanian, too.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:47 pm: Edit

IMO you need to talk about the insights that you've gained from so much travel. Right now, the essay only seems to list how much you've traveled, but doesn't say specifics about how the travel has changed you or broadened your perspective. The essay seems braggy and empty. I'm left thinking, "He has met the Pope. He has crossed the ocean dozens of times. So what? Sounds like yet another child of privilege who gets fabulous unearned opportunities, but doesn't make anything of those opportunities.,"

By The_Slc_Bug (The_Slc_Bug) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 05:43 pm: Edit

I agree. I think that you should talk about one specific experience--expand upon it, describe it, let the reader be there with you. IMO, you should use meeting the Pope, or one of the times in the mountains. BTW, my mom comes from Poland.

By Clickspring (Clickspring) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 06:02 pm: Edit

Grammar thing: After a semicolon, don't use "and"

Your one long sentence should be like this:
"I have spent time with shepherds living in cabins high up in the Tatra Mountains; I have lived in remote hamlets of the Carapthian Mountains of the Western Ukraine; I also have resided in the little farm village of Letownia in Southern Poland. "


Also, verb tense thing:
"My time in Poland HAS BEEN important to me on many levels."

By Borglq (Borglq) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 06:52 pm: Edit

thx guys and i know it came out a bit braggy, i will try to expand on something and how it effected me.

By Borglq (Borglq) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 07:00 pm: Edit

and responding to beenthereil i dont know why the heck i have an accent but i do. In school EVERYONE tells me I have an accent and in Poland the same is true. I think it kinda depends on the person, how their brain works.
and my parents arent THAT rich, just its very important for them (and me) to be able to spend summer in poland. ~70k/year for a family of 5 is not extremely rich.
damn.. reread it, and it does seem very braggy, I would reject myself if I was an college-application guy