I think my short essay's funny





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College Discussion Forums: College Admissions: December 2003 Archive: I think my short essay's funny
By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 07:03 pm: Edit

Do you?

Topic: Jot a note to your future roomate relating a personal experience that reveals something about you.

Dear roommate,
Hi! Congratulations on making it into Stanford; I look forward to rooming with you. Just a note of warning – I’m quite a geek. In fact, I intend to establish an outpost of the Sci-Fi Fantasy Club in our new home. Expect a full-size, stand-up Orc to greet you at the door; a talking Yoda to usher you to sleep; and a Firebolt, the best racing broom in all of England, to gloriously adorn our dorm. Doesn’t bother you? Great. You won’t mind, then, if I decorate the room with posters of the blonde elf, Legolas? Or with red and gold, the Gryffindor House colors? Well, I’ll be sure to make sure my stacks of Sci-Fi books stay out of your way – except for maybe a few from Heinlein and Asimov and Bradbury that I simply can’t live without. Why, you still want to be my roommate? Great – I promise I won’t quote Professor Dumbledore of Hogwarts too much. And I’ll keep my lightsaber toothbrush hidden from sight. You’ll hardly even see me during the holidays – that’s when they have Star Trek marathons. Have you seen my impression of Spock yet? What’s that, you haven’t? Well, then you’re in for a treat. I’ll even bring an extra Star Trek uniform for you – I won it at the latest convention. We can even re-enact scenes from my alien abduction journal, body probes and all. Oops, my communicator just beeped. I’m needed in sector 7-G. The warp core has breached – the ship’s gonna bloooooow!

Looks like I might not be your roommate after all.
Goodbye.

A/N I had just written two serious essays and though I'd add this one in for fun. I know it's not exactly on topic. Please let me know if it sucks or if you don't get it.

Oh, and the Sci-Fi Fantasy Club is the club I founded at my school, lol!

By Jason817 (Jason817) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 07:19 pm: Edit

haha. I've never met a girl thats into all this fantasy/sci-fi stuff like LotR and SW. Good stuff. And it reveals many things about you. Since you've written 2 serious ones, this would make a cool 3rd.

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 07:36 pm: Edit

Sector 7-G, that's where Homer Simpson works. Did you do that on purpose?

-Sorry I'm a "Simpson's" geek, but hey, I guess YOU would understand...lol

By Y17k (Y17k) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 08:46 pm: Edit

this is sad

By Abyss (Abyss) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:00 pm: Edit

I'd tone it down just a bit - you can make it humorous, but not too casual.
also take out this: Looks like I might not be your roommate after all.
Goodbye.

By Vulcano (Vulcano) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:14 pm: Edit

I honestly dislike it, i think its quite stupid and might get you rejected.

By Jason817 (Jason817) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:16 pm: Edit

how might it get her rejected?

By Bluestar86 (Bluestar86) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:22 pm: Edit

makes you seem a bit obsessive.. no?

By S17 (S17) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:31 pm: Edit

I agree that it is a little obsessive, but if this is your personality then I say stick with it. I also agree with abyss that you should take out the last little bit.

By Thepiskickass (Thepiskickass) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:51 pm: Edit

You go overboard with the word "even." I don't know. Vary your sentence structure a bit. Maybe a little subtler. You come off really hyper, Lol. I liked it though. I think it shows a lot of your personality. Keep it.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:52 pm: Edit

I'm definitely not *this* obsessive (I exaggerated for effect) but I am into this stuff.

And good catch, Bart, that is where Homer works! Haha I'm a Simpsons freak too (I even have the D'oh of Homer -- the Philosophy of the Simpsons).

Why should I take out the last bit? I thought it was a cute way to end it (w/the warp core exploding...?)...

It seems like I'm getting a mixed reaction -- some like, some are ambivalent, and some hate it. What should I do? Is it worth the risk?

By Wintermute (Wintermute) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:59 pm: Edit

I think it's cute, and if it truly reflects who you are, then stick with it...but personally I'd take out the part about the body probe re-enactments. I realize it's humor, but you gotta remember these adcoms don't know you and stuff like that might come off, well, a little scary as a first impression.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 10:02 pm: Edit

i just saw your profile. how are you a "goddess"? Thats not funny. Actually its quite offensive

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 10:16 pm: Edit

'Scuse me, minibrit? Are you making fun of my occupation? I have a very tough job -- it's not all clouds and Col. Sanders chicken. I'll throw a lightning bolt at you if you don't behave...

And worse of all, you didn't even comment on my essay.

By Nikdanger (Nikdanger) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 10:49 pm: Edit

hey sorry but stanford says one of the main mistakes that students make is getting to casual on this question. you def are. sorry.

By Fiza (Fiza) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:15 pm: Edit

im sry im sure ur a wonderful person but u sound scary in the essay. AND like every other harry potter-obsessed dork. i wouldnt want u in my college OR as my roommate after reading that.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:18 pm: Edit

u remind me of some very obnoxious girl i know

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:18 pm: Edit

u remind me of some very obnoxious girl i know

By Girlinbraids (Girlinbraids) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:20 pm: Edit

I liked the essay and think you have found a good 'voice' which is something I'm still working on. As long as your other two essays are good and serious, you're fine.

PS: I'm LoTR/ Star Trek freak too. I'd love to be your roomate! =)

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:26 pm: Edit

Thanks girlinbraids. :D

And yes, I *am* a dork, and darn proud of it!

By Jenlikewhoa (Jenlikewhoa) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:26 pm: Edit

you sound kind of er, desperate to get your whole sci fi thing across, which i might add you did an exceptional job of. lol. i would definitely be a lot more subtle about how come across, i mean you can be funny without acting 11. not to say you werent creative with all those science fiction references you threw in there, but you have to show them that you can be funny and creative in a mature sort of fashion.

By Trojan1444 (Trojan1444) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:29 pm: Edit

It sucks. It makes you seem like a pushy person who is going to be annoying to live with and be around on campus. It seems like you have no regard for your roommate's opinion about this stuff, and you sound like a nerd.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:37 pm: Edit

i agree, you definately sound annoying. why is it that all LOTR fans sound exactly the same? theyre like their own breed...its scary

By Moonshot2004 (Moonshot2004) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 12:22 am: Edit

I thought it was funny. I agree with the other post that it makes you sound a little "obsessive" and "dorky" -- but so what? As long as your other two essays are serious, it shows the adcoms that you're a real person -- someone they can visualize as a living, breathing, eccentric human -- instead of just another number.

If I were the one deciding whether to take you, I definitely would (assume everything else is good). A funny short essay shows that you have balls (so to speak)

Then again, you could just as easily get an adcom who says "I don't get it" or "what the hell is this girl talking about?" It's a risk, but a good one IMHO :)

By Bmckn (Bmckn) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 02:47 am: Edit

Blond is for boys.
Blonde is for girls.
Legolas is a boy.

I like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings a good deal. Unfortunately, I did not laugh at this essay. If you're gung ho about it, at least come up with a better ending than the "might not be your roommate after all, goodbye."

By Y17k (Y17k) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 07:44 am: Edit

"i just saw your profile. how are you a "goddess"? Thats not funny. Actually its quite offensive"

yes... very offensive. watch out steffie~~ minibrat and her religious buddies are coming to get u! make sure you buy those anti-mormon repellant sprays. actually i'll keep my mouth shut, she might put a curse on me >_<

heres a suggestion from dr.phil: i want you to start living as a gay woman

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:41 pm: Edit

Im agnostic....
I just dont find it right for a perfectly FLAWED female to consider herslef a goddess.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:41 pm: Edit

oops i did it twice

By Momx4 (Momx4) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:50 pm: Edit

Steffie, I think your short essay is fabulous and shows that you are a great match for Stanford! If I were a Stanford adcom, I'd say, this student would be great for Wacky Walk, as well as the crazy things Stanford students do between admission and graduation. No kidding, to me you sound like you would fit right in and are exactly the kind of student Stanford is looking for. I think you should use the essay exactly as you've written it. In case you're wondering how I know, it is because one of my sons graduated from Stanford this past June, loved Stanford more than any other place he could imagine being in for 4 years (he stayed on for a fifth year as a co-term to get his masters) and lives the essay you wrote :)

By Rachmiel4 (Rachmiel4) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 05:43 pm: Edit

you sound very cool! your essay is really enjoyable!

By Nmoreno1 (Nmoreno1) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 10:40 pm: Edit

change "I won it at the latest convention."

to "i won it at the last convention"

it makes it at least 25 times funnier.

overall, very dorky. very obessive. very typical of a nerd. it's been done.

maybe say how spock ears have changed your life.

ok so im not a funny person...

By Ccoughlan2004 (Ccoughlan2004) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 11:10 pm: Edit

hmmmmm... I think you should take out the line "I am a geek". maybe it's just me not liking the word (I would even like dork instead) but I think that if you are going to be giving off that impression (which you do), you do not need to spell it out first. Also, are you supposed to write it as if it is a conversation or a note to the roommate? It sounds like a convo to me. Im not crazy about it just because you incorporate so many things and say a very cliched message in the end. However, it is amusing- though a little obnoxious at points when you seem to take your idea and beat me over the head with it. I am glad it is a *short* essay mostly because it is almost too long as it is. I really like the line about the light saber toothbrush, though. is it true? :)
good luck!

Caro

By Hikarikun (Hikarikun) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 11:30 pm: Edit

coooool!
it's awesome.
I think they will enjoy it since you wrote 2 other serious essays

By Christinew87 (Christinew87) on Sunday, December 28, 2003 - 08:07 pm: Edit

As much as a despise with a passion lord of the rings and star wars, i think its really cute. And with 2 serious essays its should work. But yea tone it down a bit, you jump from each aspect of the movies to quickly.
Christine
Christinew87@aol.com


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