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I'm thinking about writing an essay about my baby nephew's artwork as the essay for USC "artwork that inspired or intrigued you" Do you think that would be a good idea? Do you think its a bit immature?

I have a little bit that i started on, if you want to see it tell me, but i dont want to continue if its a bad idea...

By Merugo (Merugo) on Thursday, November 27, 2003 - 10:50 pm: Edit

i think that it's a really good idea, but you'd have to go somewhere with it. you cant just say "oh, it's a baby's art, and babies are cute, and bla bla bla." you do need substance to add to it. it's a great concept though.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Thursday, November 27, 2003 - 10:59 pm: Edit

lol i wouldnt say that. I was writting about how it is unknown what the thought process of a baby is and that perhaps babies have their own special view of the world

By Demonllama (Demonllama) on Thursday, November 27, 2003 - 11:47 pm: Edit

that's really creative.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Friday, November 28, 2003 - 12:52 pm: Edit

bump

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Friday, November 28, 2003 - 06:36 pm: Edit

BUMP!!

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:53 am: Edit

bump

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 01:20 pm: Edit

Hey, I'm working on this essay now too. Good Luck w/it. That seems like a great topic, very original. It could really stand out if you write it well.

Do you think I could write my essay on how the saxaphone is a "technical achievement" that has effected my life. I'm first chair alto sax in Jazz band and Band. I may be reaching a bit with this one...

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 01:24 pm: Edit

Or maybe I could pick a Beatles song, and weave the lyrics into the essay, and base the essay on how my dad introduced me to music through the Beatles, and how music has effected my life since. The Beatles song would be the "work of art"...Again I may be reaching...grrr these essays suck

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 03:42 pm: Edit

help!...

By Silverliningd (Silverliningd) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 03:58 pm: Edit

Bart, if you do a good job of weaving the Beatles theme fluidly, then I think it sounds like quite an interesting topic!

I feel like a loser, in that I'm actually writing about a book. Wow, I'm boring. Bleh.

Best of luck!

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 03:59 pm: Edit

I never understood what a technical achievement was lol. Hey if its something like learning an instrument then perhaps i could write about singing.

I wanted to do a song too, but i couldnt decide of just one. If u have one in mind the beatles essay sounds really good. And i think it may go under "composition"

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 04:09 pm: Edit

cool thanks, gotta write.
I'll probably come back here and post my first draft...that Beatles essay is a daunting task, I will probably need some advice/help once I get rolling.

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 04:17 pm: Edit

Right now I'm searching for a good Beatles' song to do this with. Any Ideas?

Maybe it doesn't have to be a Beatles song, just a classic rock song with a good message, like growing up, or something with a father and son...::searching::

Beatles would be preferable though...

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 04:32 pm: Edit

I like "across the universe"
a song with a message though? no idea

By Memememe (Memememe) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 04:49 pm: Edit

Drive My Car really illustrates the conflict between the dreams of a girl and reality.

Norweign Wood has a good message: Norweign Wood is good.

Michelle talks of the conflict between the British and the French.

Maxwell's Silver Hammer points out the problems in the justice system.

Back in the U.S.S.R. addresses Cold War fears about the Soviet menace.

Yellow Submarine teaches people not to do drugs.

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 05:46 pm: Edit

Good first paragraph?--(for the saxaphone topic)

any suggestions so far?

Adolphe Sax, the Belgian inventor, patented the saxophone in 1846. I can say confidently that this technical achievement has greatly affected my life. It has intrigued me since I was young, and has inspired me in a way that has allowed me to use it for a deeper expression of feeling.

also: this could be the "official" USC essay help thread, lol. I'd be more than happy to help you Brit, or anyone else...a fresh perspective is always good.

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 06:47 pm: Edit

This is the VERY rough draft. It's just me typing, the product of the last 45 minutes, I haven't even gone back to re-read it, but I'm exited to have something written, so...

Adolphe Sax, the Belgian inventor, patented the saxophone in 1846. I can say confidently that this “technical achievement” has greatly affected my life. It has intrigued me since I was young, and has inspired me in a way that has allowed me to use it not only as an instrument of sound but also as an instrument for a deeper expression of feeling.

When I was in elementary school the High School Jazz band would come to play for us on occasion. I was fixated on the saxophone. I loved the sound. I loved the way it freely moved throughout the scale in solos, wistfully, almost dreamily. I decided early on that the saxophone was the instrument I would play when I got the chance. I even coaxed my dad into buying Charlie Parker and John Coltrane albums at a yard sale we were browsing through, because I wanted to hear how the pros played. On a Saturday morning, you could often find me in my room listening to a jazz album all the way through on my dad’s record player.

Fifth grade came along. This is when the band program starts for my school. I wanted to learn earlier but I never won the argument with my parents. Waiting wasn’t so bad, though, because I didn’t know what I was missing, and so I began my journey as a saxophonist as a fifth grader at Belmont Elementary School. I loved learning the instrument although I was admittedly a bit frustrated that I could not play it as well, right away, as “the pros”. It was the high school Jazz that gave me hope, though, because they had come from where I was. They were proof that down the line I could be good. As early as fifth grade, my first year, I became very confident in my instrumental skills. I would always jump on the opportunity for a solo, as I still do today.

As a high school sophomore, I discovered a new dimension to the world of “sax” when I joined the Jazz band. This is what I had been waiting for. This was the type of music that had first gotten me interested in the instrument. I was now a part of the group that I had looked up to so much in elementary school, and from here my love of the saxophone really took off. Improvisation: I had never known that such a thing existed, and ironically enough this is what will surely make playing the saxophone a life-long hobby of mine. With improv, you can make the music reflect yourself, you can really put your emotions; your self into what you play.

When I’m having a tough week the saxophone is what gets me up in the morning. I know that I will be able to blow away the rhythm of my life. I know that I will be in control of melodies. I know that I will be in control of what I do with the notes, and I know that that day I will play something that my ears have never heard, that no one's ears have ever heard, just because of the limitless horizon of improvisation. I will be in control of the highways and byways of my own saxophone’s lyrical world. The saxophone is my escape and it a means for me to learn more about myself. It opens my mind and my soul to myself and any others who are willing to listen.

help away...

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:52 pm: Edit

hmmm could you write about the sound it produces? does the sound have a certain color to it? what draws you to it? I think the intro needs to have more feeling

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 09:53 pm: Edit

thanks for the tips, I'll keep working at it. Oh and do you have any specific ideas on how I could put more feeling into the intro...any other specifics?

BTW, I posted a better version on the parents forum with some changes to it...

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 10:04 pm: Edit

MiniBrit: did you write any of that "baby artwork" essay yet? That seemed like it would be a great essay idea...

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:21 pm: Edit

yeah, im handwritting it first...hmm perhaps you could paint a picture with the sound- "the sound filled the room with luscious color of yellow and pink" not that but something like that. Im not really creative sorry lol "the color was so addicting, i was drawn in by its....blah blah blah" Or maybe just stick to sound "the high c sounded like" oh similes and metaphors are good

By Emyh (Emyh) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:32 pm: Edit

anyone doing the Gandhi one? its gonna be hard not to make it sound cliche.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:35 pm: Edit

i spit on the gandhi one. anyway you do it you will sound concieted. its a trap

By Emyh (Emyh) on Saturday, November 29, 2003 - 11:38 pm: Edit

yea... i wrote a preliminary one for the gandhi it was a piece of crock. i couldnt even work with it.

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 01:17 pm: Edit

I did a little more work on it. This is what I'm showing to my English teacher for help tommorow. I had a little trouble applying what you were saying about color, and the sound of the "high c", where exactly could I add those?

Adolphe Sax, the Belgian inventor, patented the saxophone in 1846. I can say confidently that this “technical achievement” has greatly affected my life. It has intrigued me since I was young, and has inspired me in a way that has allowed me to use it not only as an instrument of sound but also as an instrument for a deeper expression of feeling.

When I was in elementary school the High School Jazz band would come to play for us on occasion. I was fixated on the saxophone. I loved the sound. I loved the way the instrument freely moved throughout the scale in solos, wistfully, almost dreamily. I decided early on that the saxophone was the instrument I would play when I got the chance. I even coaxed my dad into buying Charlie Parker and John Coltrane albums at a yard sale we were browsing through, because I wanted to hear how the pros played. On a Saturday morning, you could often find me in my room listening to a jazz album all the way through on my dad’s record player.

Fifth grade was the year and I was more than ready for it. This is when the band program starts for my school. I wanted to learn the sax earlier but I never won that argument with my parents. Waiting wasn’t so bad, though, because I didn’t know what I was missing, and so I began my journey as a saxophonist as a fifth grader at Belmont Elementary School. I loved learning the instrument although I was admittedly a bit frustrated that I could not play it as well, as “the pros” right away. It was the high school Jazz Band that gave me hopes of success, though, because they had come from where I was. They had the same fifth grade band instructor, and learned from the same books that began with the traditional, yet uninspired “Hot Cross Buns”. They were proof that down the line I could be good. As early as fifth grade, my first year, I became very confident in my instrumental skills. I would always jump on the opportunity for a solo, as I still do today.

As a high school sophomore, I discovered a new dimension to the world of “sax” when I joined the Jazz band. This is what I had been waiting for. This was the type of music that had first gotten me interested in the instrument. I was now a part of the group that I had looked up to so much in elementary school, and from here my love of the saxophone really took off. Around this time, my long-time band director, Ray Craigie introduced a new word to my vocabulary: Improvisation. I had never even known that such a thing existed, and ironically enough improvisation is what will surely make playing the saxophone a life-long hobby of mine. With improvisation, you can make the music reflect yourself, you can really put your emotions; your self into what you play. You can expose a part of your inner being to the listener.

When I’m having a tough week the saxophone is often what gets me up in the morning. I know that I will be able to blow away the rhythm of my life. I can retreat to the comfort of the overtones and shadow tones, the back-beats and the stilted rhythms. I know that on any given day I will create something that has never been heard, just because of the limitless highways of improvisation. I have a passion for jazz; I have a passion for the saxophone. The saxophone opens my mind and soul to myself and any others who are willing to listen.

Is there anything still left in the essay that is just blatantly bad? How is it overall? I think right now its close to final...just a few weak places that I can spot...

By Gpeso (Gpeso) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 03:16 pm: Edit

w0w!!!my friend is wirtting about the same thing for his USC app....crazy world...i wonder if he read this site...?

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 03:29 pm: Edit

lol that's pretty cool. I hope its not cliche or anything...

By Gpeso (Gpeso) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 03:38 pm: Edit

LOL....not yours the other guy!

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:37 pm: Edit

Well i think the intro lacks a little creativity, but then again what do i know. I think you're better off asking your english teacher. The rest is pretty good though.
would any one be willig to critique the jumble of words i put together?

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:39 pm: Edit

gpeso, ur friend is writing about babies?
hold on a minute (looks for a gun...ehmmm) I'll deal with it...no tell him to change it!!! the baby idea is mine and mine alone!!!

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 04:51 pm: Edit

Gpeso: Oh, my bad.

Minibrit: I'd love to try to help you out...

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 05:05 pm: Edit

Ya think It'd be better if I just took the intro paragraph out alltogether?

Oh BTW, I majorly revamped the conclusion:

I have a passion for jazz; I have a passion for the saxophone. I love the comfort of the overtones and shadow tones, the back beats and the stilted rhythms. I know that on any given day I will create something that has never been heard, just because of the limitless highways of improvisation. The saxophone opens my mind and soul to myself and any others who are willing to listen.

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 08:39 pm: Edit

You know what would really impress them? write a whole essay without any "to be" verbs...now thats cool

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 09:35 pm: Edit

explain...

By Minibrit (Minibrit) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 09:46 pm: Edit

"When I was in elementary school the High School Jazz band would come to play for us on occasion."

Eliminate "to be" verbs and u get something like...

"In elementary school, the high school jazz band came and played for us on occasion. "

THe sentance turns active. best bet is your english teacher though

By Bart_Simpson22 (Bart_Simpson22) on Sunday, November 30, 2003 - 10:49 pm: Edit

oh, thanks.

Meh, I'm not up to the challenge.