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Okay-

Here's my unfinished, revised essay. I think it is missing some element. I need to rewrite this essay again. Do you guys like any parts of it?

http://www.geocities.com/chita100/acpass.html

Also-

Must the essay be (unless it is so specified) typed on an 8 1/2 x 11 page, double spaced, TNR? I was thinking of typing my essay in book format--one single paper, printed on both sides that when folded gives it a book feel.

Secondly, I'm not sure I am using the right tense for this essay. Should I use past or present?

Thanks!

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 05:26 pm: Edit

BTW--this essay is about my academic passion.
Is it / does it have Yale potential?

By Jimjunior (Jimjunior) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 07:10 pm: Edit

I like the anecdotal part, but the conclusion seems very basic. Mock Trial is a good topic, did your team perchance go to Nationals last year?

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 07:24 pm: Edit

nope :-(

I don't like what I have much. I have a great concept... I just need to work on it more. Any parts that you all think should definitely be sliced off or definitely kept?

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 06:05 pm: Edit

bump

Ndbisme2 is begging for help!

By Crnchycereal (Crnchycereal) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 06:18 pm: Edit

The essay has potential. However, the conclusion really needs work. I suggest going with the anecdotal part, having a brief paragraph or two about what it means to you, and then really slam the readers with a conclusion that goes back to the anecdote. Better yet, you might try to make the ENTIRE essay an anecdote, subtley showing the readers how mock trial has affected you.

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 08:40 pm: Edit

Me like, crnchycereal!
My last essay was nothing but annecdotal until the last two paragraphs. Ziggy told me, in different words, to show more of myself. What I am going to do is use more imagery and a real, concise explanation of the meaning at the end. I'm going to write this essay up tonight!

Thanks 4 all the help!

Do you guys recommend that I write this at the end of the essay: "For me, mock trial is life, the rest is... Objection, your Honor, relevance?"

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Monday, November 24, 2003 - 08:47 pm: Edit

Also... what tense do you all recommend? Present or past? I can't seem to decide. I've read some great essays that use the past tense that were great. Thanks again.

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 06:12 pm: Edit

bump? beg-beg

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Tuesday, November 25, 2003 - 08:55 pm: Edit

bump? beg-beg x 2