Any criticism would be GREATLY appreciated

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: November 2003 Archive: Any criticism would be GREATLY appreciated
By Badreception (Badreception) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 04:39 am: Edit

UC Essay #1 200 words

In my first day of French class, my teacher spent an entire agonizing period trying to have the whole class at least pronounce “bonjour” correctly before leaving. French is a beautiful language, known as the language of love. I agree, but French, in my opinion, is more of a language of opportunity.
The four years of French I took not only taught me basics such as verb rules, which I believe has too many exceptions, and pronunciation; it taught aspects of society that has a strikingly different history, tradition, and a general way of life. In the summer of my sophomore year, I was able to test my rudimentary French when I visited Paris. It felt almost invigorating speaking a new language in an unknown country to complete strangers¯ I felt less of a foreigner. When I returned, I was even more motivated to truly comprehend this unique and romantic language. I even went as far as renting French movies so I could further improve speaking and understanding.
Given this prospect to learn French has opened my boundaries, culturally and intellectually. Now I desire to study abroad in France during college, hopefully mastering the language and seeking opportunities in the growing business and technological firms in France.

By Badreception (Badreception) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 06:39 pm: Edit


By Becks777 (Becks777) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 07:18 pm: Edit

The essay is ok except for the 1st para...sounds absurd..........take off 'before leaving" coz earlier u say the entire period.

Say...For me, French is not only a language of love but also a language of opportunity

Actually language of OPPORTUNITY sounds can a language be a language of opporunity?..makes no sense...

By Dylan (Dylan) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 02:17 am: Edit

"Now I desire to study abroad in France during college"

Don't use "desire" in this context--it is pretentious and has vague sexual references. Use something like "want" instead.

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