UC essay 2--need your reviews!!

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: November 2003 Archive: UC essay 2--need your reviews!!
By Entropie (Entropie) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 03:23 am: Edit

This is essay #2 for UCs, basically asking what other than your smart self can you contribute to UCs. Well, here it goes:

A tiny sphere races through the air, stops, and rebounds even faster, repeatedly as if caught in a cycle. With erratic spins, whizzes, and turns, it resembles a hummingbird mocking the laws of physics. Finally, it strikes the net, skipping before surrendering to gravity. Another point is concluded in the intense sport of table-tennis.
Surprisingly, table-tennis is the second most popular international sport, yet it was obsolete at my school. Naturally, my friend and I decided to form a club to introduce table-tennis to our fellow students.
People initially refused to join in doubts of its success. Looking for a sponsor was like seeking embarrassment; in a school where football dominates, table-tennis was open to ridicule. We persevered, and after weeks searching for storage, a sponsor, and followers, the club had a modest beginning. Club days consisted of members standing around one table, while two played. After gathering donations and attending Booster Club meetings, I accumulated $4,800-- enough for six tournament-quality tables.
Today, it is among the most successful clubs at school. Personally, the table-tennis club is more than a haven in which I enjoy my favorite sport. Its development from an idea to reality, in spite of experiencing criticism, obstacles, and seemingly “dead-end” situations, was a true test of leadership.

By Borglq (Borglq) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 09:14 am: Edit

I think the first 3 sentances are completely pointless but other than that it is decent essay and the experience of forming table tennis club is big plus to your application.

By Entropie (Entropie) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 01:35 pm: Edit

thanks for the review borglg! *bump* I need more,no one else wants to review!!

and I agree the intro is pointless, but im trying to set the mood and appeal to the reader. I like it rather than just starting off from nowhere.

By Sharshar (Sharshar) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 03:17 pm: Edit

It's really good. I'm proud of u since I'm a Pingpong player myself. :) But I think you should probably say more about "How can you contribute to the UC". Like say that you will continue to play it or take on the leaderships in college, maybe.

By Entropie (Entropie) on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 04:02 pm: Edit

thanks sharshar, i changed it. good advice, I noticed it after you told me. bumper

By Golfer1818 (Golfer1818) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 08:20 pm: Edit

You should find out if a table tennis club exists at the UC you are applying to. If there isn't already one, you should suggest that you might be the founder of the UC table tennis club.

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