Criticisms on Essay? Thanks

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: November 2003 Archive: Criticisms on Essay? Thanks
By Irishnd428 (Irishnd428) on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 12:05 am: Edit

Any help is appreciated.

“That’s not red enough,” I said to myself, gazing at a picture of a toy shovel in a Toys ‘R Us catalog. The object was too pale, too lifeless, too flat. The red I was looking for needed to be vibrant and powerful like a field of poppies against a deep blue sky. Red meant red. Red meant life. This was my vision of red. At 5 it was the most intriguing color on a palette of many. Red spoke to me and was inspiration. Mrs. Genovese, my kindergarten teacher, had given us our first assignment—cut out five red objects from various periodicals and paste them on construction paper. What was initially a rudimentary task became a world of discovery. At first I merely wished to complete the assignment, however after my initial perusals I wanted to find the five most “reddest” magazine clippings that I could.
The first object I came across was the toy shovel, it was red but it was off-red. It was dull and blended in, it had no spark. Looking for that true red, I searched and searched and finally on page 86, a photograph of a stop sign jumped out at me, took hold and didn’t let go. I had found red. It was alive, assertive, it had purpose. This was my red, the red I had been searching for all afternoon. Captivated, I raced for the scissors and snipped out the photo, feeling a rush of adrenaline and verve throughout my body. I pasted the photograph of the stop sign on the blue piece of construction paper, but I wanted more. A photograph of a deep red harvest sunset on page 93 mesmerized me and instinctively I knew this was the epitome of red, more so than the stop sign. The sunset is an organic happening, where as the stop sign is man-made and lifeless. Even though I
was drawn to both, the deep natural reds meant more to me and resonated on a deeper level.
I am not an artist. I do not paint. I have never studied art history, or the physical properties of color. But red has always been a piece of me, a part of who I am. It is as if I see the world through a red tint. Whether on the golf course, in the physics lab or walking the dog, I am in red. I am engaged with everything in my surroundings, deeply. I am vibrant, purposeful, assertive, and full of life. The reds of that sunset that I found on page 93 live within me and guide me through every moment of my life. Although Mrs. Genovese’s assignment in kindergarten was seemingly benign, it forced me to find red, not just any red, but the red, the red that spoke for who I was then and who I am now.

By Almostdead (Almostdead) on Friday, November 21, 2003 - 01:18 am: Edit

Too much on red, you only touched on "who i was then and who i am now" in the last paragraph. A bit weak. I'd reverse the weights.

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