|By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 12:19 pm: Edit|
I'm prepared to completely ditch this idea if you guys think it's crap. Or you could tell me how to make it better. I'm afraid it's not very easy to understand.
The prompt is write an essay that conveys a sense of who you are. (basically pretty open ended)
My friend laughs at the faded black marker X’s on my hands. His own are safe from the heat because he wears them on his skateboard-accident-cast where he can’t sweat them off like everybody else. “Only another week now…” he counts down, wishing rid of his plaster. “Scallen won’t let me through the door,” so he wears long sleeves even in the summer. “Safety hazard.” He doesn’t care. Anything to go to shows.
There are less than a hundred people here in this basement of some elementary school, one hour and a half away from town. It doesn’t seem to matter that to them the price of gas far exceeds the six dollar ticket for a set list of unknown locals, or to the organizers that they won’t come close to breaking even. We’re here to support our underground scene. Scallen sits at the front stamping hands, suspicious of my friend’s covered arms.
The first band comes out, raising their fists into the sign of brotherhood on their chests. Straight edge for life. “Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t ****, at least I can […] think…” goes the anthem, where you’re tough if you don’t drink, trendy if you’re not cool, and hardcore if you dance your heart out.
Here it is. Chugga chugga, the breakdown, and screams ring raw in the air. The sound quality is under par, but nobody cares: this is real life and real music. The dancers circle the pit, getting ready to throw down. Three people say hello because they’ve seen me on The Message Board, otherwise known as the center of the universe. My elbow goes up as usual to avoid being hit, because this is the only dance floor where kicking and punching are moves. “Did you see Pat fly-kick that mosher in the neck?” My ex boyfriend asks in awe. Yeah… my hero, I smirk. He deserved it. “Don’t trash at a hardcore show.”
Afterwards I’m sitting on a battered couch when a boy notices my X’s. He asks me how long I’ve been straight edge. “My whole life, really…” He’s impressed. He has wispy black hair and a straight edge tattoo on his calf, and I can see through his ears. Later he screams a song for me, but I don’t believe him. He says he’s never tried so hard. I laugh: “That’s not very edge,” I tell him, but he disagrees. “I would care, I would…”
There aren’t many hardcore girls in Ottawa and patriarchy runs deep. It’s difficult to be a lone girl among a band of brothers, whose doubtful stares will always, always stalk you no matter how tough you prove you are. “How are you going to dance if you can’t even resist Advil?” The songs in the background go on about unity. Gulp. This is my world, but I get tired of the brotherhood. I close the cabinet door and look into the mirror: I am every bit as valid as they are. Tomorrow the dance is mine.
|By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 01:07 pm: Edit|
Are you a straightedge punk/emo loser kid who listens to like Big D and The Kids Table, Me First and the Gimme Gimmies, Less Than Jake, Rufio, The Juliana Theory, and all that other crap?
|By Mf723 (Mf723) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 01:26 pm: Edit|
its good, but thats because i actually know what you are talking about. i dont really think that the college people would get it unless you add some background info, and even then it might be a questionable topic (depending on the essay question)
|By Sarbear (Sarbear) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 01:31 pm: Edit|
Alimshk - that was more than unnecessary.
|By Healthy_Body (Healthy_Body) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 02:33 pm: Edit|
I think it was good, but kind of obscure.
Alimshk - i hate emo-pop too! but minor threat is definately not emo-pop and the first three (ska) bands you named are cool.
|By Duperme (Duperme) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 02:55 pm: Edit|
you all suck, long live emo. Those bands that Alimshk listed were not emo. They were just pop punk. The word emo has been bastardized by all those crap bands.
Real emo and emocore is like Further Seems Forever and Thursday. And from a guitar and vocal skill standpoint, emo and emocore is far more technical than metal, straight punk, or alternative rock.
|By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 03:16 pm: Edit|
btw i love thursday, they're my fave band ever.
my other loves include but are not limited to much post emo and post hardcore goodness:
most precious blood, eighteen visions, american nightmare/give up the ghost, a static lullaby, poison the well, from autumn to ashes, alexisonfire, etc., etc.
anyways, this essay. how can i get myself into columbia? lol
|By Kad (Kad) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 03:33 pm: Edit|
|By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 03:58 pm: Edit|
lol guys this is not a debate about music. i don't care if you guys love or hate my music... the topic here is my essay ;) how can i make it super columbia-quality??
|By Freudboy (Freudboy) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 04:15 pm: Edit|
it's sad that a band has to tell you not to do drugs
|By Johnnyd (Johnnyd) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 04:25 pm: Edit|
good writing style, but personally, i think the topic is crap. if it's truly you, then go with it, but seriously, it's kind of boring to read just b/c of the topic. i agree that you should have some background with it so the adcoms know what you're on about. it seems to be way too... weird. just tweak it up a little bit so that it's unique, not strange, and so that there is a little more straightforwardness in it.
|By Jennyzsong (Jennyzsong) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 04:28 pm: Edit|
Mf723, the prompt is basically open ended, I'm just supposed to write something that conveys to the reader a sense of who I am; I think this essay conveys much of that. Until/except when I'm obsessively college-driven, I'm emersed in the scene.
i dunno if this is columbia material though.
i know i can write well, but I can't really show off those skills in this essay, it's just not that type of piece.
what should i do? i could write another one tonight, it wouldn't have been a waste of time. but this one is really ME.
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