|By Iamthewalrus (Iamthewalrus) on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 07:07 pm: Edit|
Please evaluate my Essay
What invention has had the greatest impact on society (for better or worse)?
The wind whistled on the North Carolina beach. The sand drifted off the surface and danced with the air. Over the hill, an eye sore was lifted. The contraption looked as if it were taken from the eccentric mind of Leonardo da Vinci himself; mostly because it was. A man was laying down on the bottom half. A taller man was watching, controlling the apparatus. He went to the front and yanked a fan down. The fan started to spin. The sound resembled a train in the distance. The odd-looking device began to move. It picked up speed and then the unimaginable occurred: it flew.
The invention of the airplane shows the imagination and diligence of the human mind. It gives hope to the all the dreamers of the world. However, the airplane also shows the internal flaw of humanity. This marvel of science was turned into a destructive device. The airplane is now synonymous with war instead of prosperity. Orville Wright once said, “We talked and we thought that way too [in reference to Alfred Nobel’s idea that dynamite would stop war]; we dared to hope we had invented something that would bring lasting peace to the earth. But we were wrong. We underestimated man's capacity to hate and to corrupt good means for an evil end.” Humanity should look at the world around them. A world filled with despair and hate; a world that could have been a utopia if humans had not perverted the work of visionaries into their own malignant tool.
The airplane was designed to be an efficacious means of transportation. It was to become a method in which ideas and innovations reached a new level. Globalization and social integration were to bring humanity together. Instead the airplane was used to drop the atomic bombs in Japan. It was used to annihilate the entire city of Dresden. It was used to engulf the forests of Vietnam with napalm and chemicals. With the invention of the airplane came the prostitution of innovation. The innocence and the wonder of the world were lost forever.
The impact of the airplane on society was great. The purpose of the airplane could have been to unite the world. The actual impact could not have been more different. The airplane has brought death and despair to every nation. I hope that the airplane has a different impact on society in the decades to come. I hope that humanity realizes their flaws. Humanity’s ability to debauch such great works of science can only be balanced by their ability to change.
|By Iamthewalrus (Iamthewalrus) on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 07:08 pm: Edit|
Man, i just noticed how cheesy those first few lines are.
|By Godis (Godis) on Saturday, November 15, 2003 - 08:12 pm: Edit|
eh, this essay is alright.
"It picked up speed and then the unimaginable occurred: it flew."
you set the reader up to expect something intense-- "it flew" is too boring. don't get carried away, but make the second part a little more dramatic.
your vocabulary sounds somewhat strained.
"efficacious means of transportation."
"into their own malignant tool."
|By Iamthewalrus (Iamthewalrus) on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 01:34 pm: Edit|
thanks, i'll try to tone it down on the vocab
ur right, putting the colon there does convey that the next words are vital
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