Quick look at my essay before I send it out!!

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: November 2003 Archive: Quick look at my essay before I send it out!!
By Davehead (Davehead) on Tuesday, November 04, 2003 - 01:46 am: Edit

Please just take a quick look at my essay and tell me what you HONESTLY think about it. I plan on sending it out some time this week. Thanks a lot!

My prompt: Describe an idea that matters, a person who has influenced you, or an experienced that has helped shape who you are.

*Some things you should know before reading my essay: I live in Vancouver, WA and work at local fast food chain that specializes in Northwest ingredients. I'm applying to Barnard College.*

My Essay:

It's the odd 3 o’clock after-lunch rush. Eight cars are coming through the Drive Thru, and a line is stretching from the front counter. Orders bombard the screen – four Tillamook Cheeseburgers, three Colossal Cheeseburgers, three Fish Sandwiches, and five Turkey Club Sandwiches. The problem is you're alone on the grill. Can you complete these orders and still follow the “speed of service” goal at under three minutes per order? At a time like this multitasking is the key to survival.

Burgerville has given me my first job. Before working I had no concept of multitasking because I never needed it. In school, everything is organized into convenient six-period schedules. Teachers tend to organize class work and homework into patterns. Tennis season didn't disorganize my schedule either because it was after school. I knew how to organize my time with activities that occurred one after another but not all together. I had no idea how valuable multitasking was until I obtained a job.

Most people are surprised to hear that I love working in fast food. No, it's not the smell of hamburgers that draws me in; it's the fast-paced environment that stimulates me. At no other place can I be overwhelmed with multiple duties in a small amount of time. I love the feeling of drowning in all the orders and fighting my way back to complete them while fulfilling the “speed of service” goal. My manager Renée once told me, "This is a ‘sink or swim’ business. You just have to jump in and do it, or else you'll get left behind."

When I first started on the grill, I could not handle the heavy load of orders, especially with special orders. It was hard enough for me to memorize the menu, so when people made special requests like “no tomatoes and easy on the barbeque sauce” for the Crispy Chicken Sandwich, I would unintentionally make the sandwich the way it is supposed to be made – tomatoes and all. My co-workers and managers were often frustrated with me. I felt hopeless that I would ever succeed at my job and even considered quitting. However, over time experience taught me that those working in fast food require a quick mind and an attitude that is ready for anything.

Every position in fast food requires a flexible mind. Recently when I worked in Drive Thru, a customer ordered several milkshakes. As I blended the frozen berries, sugary syrup, and the ice cream into the delicious concoctions, I received another order through my headset. To keep the customer from waiting, I asked him to order even though I was still at the loud machine blending milkshakes. Now I had to multitask with my hands and my mind. He ordered seven different items ranging from cheeseburgers to milkshakes with special orders like, “extra ketchup on the first cheeseburger, but no ketchup on the second one.” Of course it was difficult to commit everything to short-term memory, but picturing every item as he ordered it helped me remember. Multitasking applies to both physical and mental tasks. Where else can I expect the countless duties required to tend to various people at the same time? I cannot think of any class at school that allows me to practice multitasking the way my job does.

I can draw many connections between my work life and my life after high school. The main connection is the ability to juggle. As a college student living independently for the first time, I will need to cope with everything from classes, to work, to internships, to campus activities. When I visited Barnard in the spring, I met and talked with several students and visited a history class. During the class discussion, I learned that one student was an active member of a synagogue, another was interning at a psychiatric clinic, and another was performing in an off-Broadway show. From that intimate classroom of 12 students, I realized that the key to survival at Barnard is multitasking, which applies to schoolwork as well as outside activities. Burgerville has taught me an important skill that will help me succeed with college and life.

Thanks a lot!! I've posted this essay before but have made pretty drastic changes since then. Please just tell me if you think it's good enough to send because frankly I'm sick of thinking about this essay!!! :)

By Davehead (Davehead) on Wednesday, November 05, 2003 - 12:28 am: Edit

please help!! it's well-appreciated! thanks!!

By Davehead (Davehead) on Thursday, November 06, 2003 - 12:31 am: Edit

PLEASE?!?! I'm desperate, I'll admit it....

By Idonotcare (Idonotcare) on Thursday, November 06, 2003 - 01:09 pm: Edit

if you feel you have expressed yourself in this essay, then send it. i think the quality of a college essay depends more on the whole ideas and less on the minor things like grammer or word choice.

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