Someone critique my GW essay?

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: Someone critique my GW essay?
By Calidude31 (Calidude31) on Wednesday, October 29, 2003 - 11:57 pm: Edit

Hey guys, will someone please give me a rough evaluation of my GW essay? The question is: Tell us in no more than 500 words what motivated you to apply and describe what contacts you have had with GW. We have told you about the dynamic GW classroom, campus, and city experience, now tell us how you will make use of these resources in meeting your educational goals.

What the hell do they want me to say?

if someone is interested in reading what I'd have, I'd appreciate it and would do the same for you.

As the cosmopolitan hub of American intelligentsia and power, Washington has long inspired my idealistic dreams of political grandeur and world influence. At GW, I believe I will find a place that will give me the opportunity to learn and study in the exciting environment of an international capital city.

My father is a Muslim from Egypt and my mother is a Jew from Israel. Every weekend, I sit between the two as we have breakfast, and the three of us discuss public policy in a hearty mix of English, Hebrew, and Arabic colloquialisms.

From these discussions, I have learned to disseminate information from two sides of a conflict and to eliminate skewing bias. I have also developed a keen understanding of the human conscience and its tendencies, and it is all of the aforementioned which have allowed me to draw a parallelism between my family and what has become an intertwining, global culture.

It is time that I graduate from my personal “kitchen table” debates and head to a place where I feel I can truly consolidate that background that has educated me about culture, conflict resolution, and a love for this world that transcends political or national boundaries. That place is the George Washington University in the District of Columbia.

As a Colonial, I hope to attend speeches by people who come in at all different weights on the ideological scale. Only in a place so frequented by international dignitaries, human rights activists, and esteemed political spinsters do I feel I can equip myself with the tools needed to propagate my love for this world.

I want to be somewhere where public policy is formed and practiced on a daily basis. Even with the largest sign in San Diego, I could not touch as many people as I could if I joined with other students in holding thousands of tiny signs in Washington. The District of Columbia is the right environment for me.

I’m excited that George Washington University can offer me professors who are currently active in their fields, as well as access to internships working for people who have the power to change this world first-hand.

Since the first time I visited GW last summer, I have been enthused about the “Political Communication” major, which I hope will allow me to learn how a single world can wield influence and send profound ripples throughout the worldwide community. Even if it only happens for a second, I want to know that I nudged the world a bit higher up the hill to the idealistic rest spot we all want the world to be in.

Only at George Washington University will I be afforded the opportunity to bring together my background, my desire to make a difference, and an education from an esteemed university to meet my goals. After exchanging e-mails and speaking on the phone with George Washington’s administration and alumni, I truly feel there is no place better for me than straddling the hippo at the corner of H and 21st, or gulping down cookie dough ice cream as the sun rises over the Washington monument.

By Trojan1444 (Trojan1444) on Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 12:00 am: Edit

just one thing....if you're going to write out "George Washington University" in your essay, you should include "The" because "The George Washington University" is the official name, and they're picky about that. You could also just say GW or GWU

By Calidude31 (Calidude31) on Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 12:31 am: Edit

Thanks Troj.. what do you think of the substance? Did I answer the question? Do I seem as sexy and wonderful as I really am? =]

By Calidude31 (Calidude31) on Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 09:49 am: Edit

bump? thx

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