College Essay





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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: College Essay
By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Thursday, October 23, 2003 - 01:37 pm: Edit

Please tell me what you think of the essay!

Here's the link:
http://www.geocities.com/chita100/acpass.html

Thanks

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Friday, October 24, 2003 - 11:46 am: Edit

bump

By Ndbisme2 (Ndbisme2) on Monday, October 27, 2003 - 03:35 pm: Edit

bump

By Afk (Afk) on Monday, October 27, 2003 - 08:34 pm: Edit

Isn't this the third repost of your essay?
I think I've commented before, but I'm not sure so here goes:
Intro is a good catcher, although it's a bit long. If you want to cut it down, that's where I start (until "was delighted with the results").
"cerebrations" is a bit academic.
Fragment starting with "That the courtroom is the last place"
How do you "master" "law and government"?
"higher quality of law and government" is ambiguous.
A memorable line that I like is "Perhaps the same ability to refrain from shedding a single tear . . . kills again."
From the essay, you obviously want to be a lawyer. But for a college application, I'm not sure if that's enough. Usually, the rest is fleshed out in short-essays, etc., but if not, then I would change/add more to the essay.

IMHO


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