Essay on diversity/race... please rip apart

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: Essay on diversity/race... please rip apart
By Judeezy36 (Judeezy36) on Wednesday, October 22, 2003 - 03:43 pm: Edit

be honest... got two reactions already, one said it was really weak, another said it had potential.. please rip me on grammar/structure, etc. i would greatly appreciate be used for franklin and marshall, haverford, bucknell, lafayette, nyu, johns hopkins

Representing Nabisco
My parents never packed me an exciting lunch. While the lunchboxes of my fellow eight year old friends were filled with fruit snacks, Cheez-its, and soda, my stylish ducktales lunchbox usually included carrot sticks, a peanut butter sandwich, and fruit juice that tasted like cough syrup. I found it interesting that with enough persuasion I could trade my carrots for virtually any junk food item on the lunch exchange market. I distinctly remember the day in which my bargaining produced a pack of Oreos. As I thought about the consequences that might ensue if my mother found out, I heard my partner in crime utter, “You’re just like the cookie, you’re black and white at the same time”. Up until this moment in my young life, I had not examined both the blessings and curses of coming from a mixed racial background. My nightmares as a child were not of the boogie monster, but of Kunta Kinte, and other disturbing images of slavery. My feelings were not taken into consideration when my little league baseball teammates referred to our inner-city opponents as, “those little niggers”. There were countless times in the supermarket when the cashier would say, “Can I help you?” because he or she didn’t realize that the man I was standing next to was my father. Although at times these situations made me feel uncomfortable, I never regretted the diversity in my life. Conversely, I have found the amount of homogeneity in my surroundings to be quite an inconvenience. I feel as though I have been consumed into a bubble, where everyone has a particular mindset regarding controversial issues. Although it is what we believe in that makes us who we are, it is what we are willing to learn from others that gives us culture. Part of the privilege of being a member of a diverse community involves sharing your culture with other people and therefore establishing a whole new sense of identity within one’s own self. I have been privileged to experience many different cultures from various points of view. In my ignorance, I used to associate diversity with strictly a person’s racial background. Because of my racial background coupled with the various cultures I have experienced, I have come to appreciate the importance of a diversity interests, economic status, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, and especially ideas.

By Rhino (Rhino) on Wednesday, October 22, 2003 - 04:14 pm: Edit

the essay has potential until you say..."I never regretted diversity in my life." From that point on, you avoid your personal feelings/thoughts and the essay degenerates into political correctness that is able to be written by almost anyone. Capitalize on your unique context, and your unique reactions. That makes you who you are and the real you is likely to be more interesting than politically correct philosophizing.

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