Not another essay post!..... =)





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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: Not another essay post!..... =)
By Cooltx75 (Cooltx75) on Monday, October 13, 2003 - 08:42 pm: Edit

ok i know there are tons of posts out there on essays...lol....but just take a look at mine, im pretty confident about it but i need more opinions. Thanks!

BTW i guess im trying to flaunt my "internationality" if thats even a word lol...i just want every edge i can get, i dont give a sh.it if i get in because of AA, cuz i know i can do the work....BTW im applying ED to UPenn, and they require 2 essays! but anyway here they are: pleeeease bear with them lol

QUESTION: You have just completed you 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217.

The line is long, it's hot and my dog has been given a sedative so she dosen't make too much fuss on the plane. It's her first flight and she even has her own passport. I can't believe that this is really happening. Part of me wants to go and I am excited to see what it will be like. Part of me is also scared because I really don't know what is ahead for us. My mother has bought a house, but I haven't seen it. It seems strange to move to a house I have never seen. Will it be as nice as the apartment I grew up in? What will it be like to live in the suburbs of New York as opposed to the middle of Caracas, with access to everything? Winter? That, too, will be a new experience. My father is staying behind, and we are leaving, going to live in Mamaroneck, New York.

On the plane, the dog tucked under the seat quietly in a white bag my mother has bought especially for this purpose. The flight attendant is speaking, spouting the usual speech. "Good Morning, ladies and gentlemen, the captain has illuminated the fasten seat belt sign. Please fasten your seatbelt. Damas y caballeros, el capitan ha iluminado la señal de abrocharse los cinturones…" We take off and head north. We are being hurled through the sky in a bit metal shell and I am being hurled into a new life and away from everything that is familiar.

My brothers are sleeping, or at least they have their eyes closed. I am staring at the clouds and writing this. I have been to the States before and certainly I have been in airplanes but this is different: my dog is with us and we have a one-way ticket.

At the same time, I feel exhilarated with the newness of it all. It is so exciting to go to a country with so many opportunities. I will be in a new school and I will meet new people and experience new things. It is a wonderful chance for us to build a future. I can't help but reflect on all that has happened recently in Venezuela…why just nine months ago, Hugo Chavez was elected president. He's very left-leaning and he is making some changes in Venezuela that will have serious implications for the country. For example, right now there is a major change in the Consitution in the works and it will concentrate most of the power with the executive branch. Several times my school has been cancelled because of social disturbances, coup d'état attempts and strikes. There is a lot of common criminality in the city. In my family, we had seventeen cars stolen in fifteen years. During the 1992 coup attempt, a stray bullet found its way onto our balcony. Despite the fact that I will be going into eigth grade, because of safety reasons, I have really never been anywhere on my own. My understanding is that I am going to walk to school in my new town. I wonder if my American classmates will appreciate just how much freedom they have always had. Time to land in New York and my new life. It begins on page 218!

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QUESTION 2: Describe the course of study and the unique characteristics of the University of Pennsylvania that most interests you. Why do these interests make you a good match for Penn?


"Hardball"
"The O'Reilly Factor,"
"Meet the Press"


That's not exactly the kind of MTV shows that people who are seventeen typically watch. I do watch MTV and I fully enjoy it, but I am consumed by shows about politics and current events.

My love affair with politics began during the impeachment crisis in 1998. There was something about that issue that raised my love for debate and current events to another level. The impeachment hearings made me realize that my love of discussing issues wasn't typical. I wanted to be involved on a personal level.

I was born and raised in Caracas, Venezuela. Venezuela is not a democracy in the American sense. In 1998, the same year of the presidential crisis in the United States, Venezuela was in a very serious crisis, too. The newly elected leftist president, who led a 1992 attempt to overthrow the government, called his own Constitutional Convention, the "Constituyente." It merged the balance of powers previously held by the executive, judicial and legislative branches into a super-presidency.

If the United States was upset by Mr. Clinton's extracurricular activities to that extent, what must be the environment around him? Is it possible that it was not fully corrupt? That your personal character mattered? This was a new concept to me. In my family, the joke was, Bring Clinton...if Venezuela turns out like the United States, we will be sure he has a line of Miss Venezuelas to socialize with!" I was inspired by the country that cared about such issues and I very much wanted to learn more.

Fortunately for me, my mother spearheaded a family effort to move to the United States and I began eighth grade in Mamaroneck, New York. The first year was particularly difficult, because my uncle died of a brain tumor at age 39 and my grandmother died from cancer after a long illness. The upheaval made our transition less than smooth, however, I feel very lucky to have had this opportunity. I have learned about myself and had the chance to develop my interest in politics. With the election of Mr. Schwartzenegger in California, I know that this country accepts immigrants in government!

Last summer, I was chosen by my teachers from a select group of high school students to participate in a mock Constitutional Convention in Washington, D.C. My participation gave me a grasp of how the Constitution was written. It was a messy and argumentative process. I was the only participant who had lived through an actual constitutional convention! The process could not have been more different. What I saw during my summer activities sparked a keen interest in the area of politics.

Why Penn? It is an excellent school with a strong political science faculty. It is an urban setting, not too far from my family. I recently visited the school and attended a class in American Foreign Policy taught by Professor Sicherman. I want to take that class, live in the quad, walk everyday through Locust Walk-yet miss the compass that is the subject of such superstition. I want to be involved in the vibrant campus life.


THANKS SO MUCH!

By Mischeljason (Mischeljason) on Monday, October 13, 2003 - 09:51 pm: Edit

ooooo... for the first one I would open with the bullet story! Your essay was greatly discriptive... I would add a little more weight to how moving to the US has affected you... but, that is just me....

hah, my family once bought a house that I never saw... they also didn't tell me they bought a new house until we pulled into the driveway

-best of luck

By Cooltx75 (Cooltx75) on Monday, October 13, 2003 - 11:28 pm: Edit

bump


please more critiques!!!!

By Cooltx75 (Cooltx75) on Tuesday, October 14, 2003 - 10:38 am: Edit

please??????????


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