** NEW ESSAY** Criticizm Needed!

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: ** NEW ESSAY** Criticizm Needed!
By Raindrops (Raindrops) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 07:30 am: Edit

=) I've rewrite this essay from a completely different angle. This is the second draft already, but it still needs much work. I am also wondering if I should put it in a story form to make it more interesting... if so, how? Any, any, ANY help would be great.

TOPIC:Describe one experience that affected your academic interests and your goal. How will the program you choose help you to reach the goal?

My family’s big move, migrating from Taiwan to Belize, began with my brother and I living here with a boarding family for the first few months. My parents came with us, yes, but they needed more time to finish working. At that point, my job was simply to learn English: nothing more, nothing less.

When my mom eventually retired, however, my responsibilities took a turning point. There was so much to be done: updating the boarding payments, renting a new house, opening a bank account, buying a car, and installing electricity and phone lines. A big problem emerged, though: my mom could not speak English. My brother would have helped, but by then he was preparing for his high school entrance examination, so I was assigned to be the translator.

Although not really being involved in any of the transactions, I became fascinated by the whole process. At first, I would be satisfied just to know how to write a check, but my interest soon grew more intense. Night after night would I ask my mom to explain what was the difference among the different types of bank accounts, how interest is calculated, why would she buy a certain stock, and when was the best time to change money to another currency. Noticing my interest in the business matters, my mom gave me a small account book in which I faithfully recorded every cent spent out of my allowance. Whenever flipping through newspapers, I would pay special attention to the business section. In fact, it was one of the few sections that I would read from top to bottom and back again.

Upon choosing majors for my high school junior year, I was confronted with a dilemma: I did not have enough credits to have many options. To get into the top classes, a student must have A’s in the first two years, but because I had skipped the freshman year, my counselor told me that the only way I would enter top classes was to take the Science and Art majors. Since by taking Art I can also enroll in the Social Studies/Economic class, I followed the advice while asking the school to place me in a homeroom full of Business students. Surely, I enjoyed the Science and the Art classes quite much, but my true love was still the Business. Envious at all the stimulating works done by the Business students, I swore I would take business majors in university. I started to self-study materials given to the Business students and had a grand time. Once, I even forgot that I was a Science student and spent one and a half hour studying for the next day’s Business Procedure test.

Having repeatedly come across the UT’s name in newspapers and Internet articles, I was already curious about UT Austin before my brother began attending UT. The project “Using Activity-Based Costing to Manage More Effectively” by Professor Granof, Vaysman, and Platt caught my attention, and the countless extols honored toward UT Austin’s business school excited me even more. What completely tied my heart unto UT was an article in TIME, December 2002 edition, about an UT alumna Sherron Watkins, “Person of the Year”. Strongly believing in the intelligence and the strength of women, I was confident that UT will help me to achieve my goal of becoming a successful businesswoman and reputable person. In Tess of d’Urbervilles, Tess lost her chance of happiness because she did not pursue it strongly enough; I am not going to let that happen to me. What is life without the work of passion, anyway?


Constructive criticizm would be really appreciated!

By Raindrops (Raindrops) on Monday, October 13, 2003 - 08:48 am: Edit

Any help?

By Raindrops (Raindrops) on Monday, October 13, 2003 - 04:06 pm: Edit

... No help?

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