New Zealand - my essay - help!

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: New Zealand - my essay - help!
By Blair (Blair) on Friday, October 10, 2003 - 01:11 pm: Edit

This is the beginning of my personal essay (it's topic of my choice), I'd like to know if it sounds like I'm "trying too hard" or if you want to read more. Thanks!

Many pakeha, or foreigners, interpret the haka to be a death cry; a challenge. It is not. The haka celebrates the victory of life over death in a way that can only be understood if the Maori words are translated into English.

I heard the haka many times before I understood its meaning. Like all New Zealand schoolchildren, I studied Maori through Primary School, and learned traditional songs that contained the Maori welcome greeting, haere mai, watching while the boys performed the haka. As time passed I found the sense of what, in New Zealand, we call Aroha. There is no direct English translation for this word.

I started learning Maori dance in my first year in Primary School. When I learned to dance in the traditional sense, I was taught that every part of my body represents something in nature. The most important part of this concept is the hands, which represent the movement of the air. This movement symbolizes movement from ancestral beings into the living; a life source. Similarly, when men perform the haka, they reach their arms to the sky, a plea to the heavens, and bring them down to their bodies, a release of power.

~I have more written but want to clean it up before I post...the rest basically goes on to show that the culture there infulenced my interpretation of art (I want to major in fashion design at WUSTL), and ties in with the process of the art department at wustl (which is more theoretical as opposed to other schools that are more practical).

By Clickspring1 (Clickspring1) on Saturday, October 11, 2003 - 04:45 am: Edit

"Many pakeha, or foreigners, interpret the haka to be a death cry; a challenge. It is not."

would be better stated as:

"Many pakeha, or foreigners, interpret the haka to be a death cry, a challenge, but it is not."

"There is no direct English translation for this word."

wtf, at least give us some idea of what you're going on about!

Your essay tends to jump from one idea to another. You need transitions. What's the rest of yoru essay?

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