Essay help please

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: Essay help please
By Jmay (Jmay) on Wednesday, October 08, 2003 - 09:20 pm: Edit

This essay is for state schools and maybe Vanderbilt. For Vanderbilt the topic is up to me and it should allow them to develop a sense of my effectiveness in written communications and to help them understand more fully who I am and what I value.

My alarm clock started going off at 3:00 in the morning, an insane hour for me. Then I remembered why it was going off, because I had to go pick up my dad and drive to Houston so we could take part in the BP MS 150. The MS 150 is a two-day non-competitive bicycle ride to raise money to help end the devastating effects of Multiple Sclerosis.
When we arrived in Houston at Tully Stadium, there were thousands of other cyclists there awaiting the start. The ride started around 7:00 in the morning and I quickly went to the front of Team St. David’s, the team my dad and I were part of, and found four others and myself quickly passing teams that started before us. The five of us organized into a pace line and we settled in around twenty-two miles per hour. As we were passing people, many of them latched onto our pace line and soon we had over twenty people with us. When we neared the first rest stop around twenty miles down the road, the pace line fell apart because some people stopped while others kept going. I stopped to refill a water bottle and get a few pieces of fruit to eat and then I set off again for La Grange, the overnight rest stop. Along the way I noticed a sign that said, “Only two days of pain, we’re the lucky ones,” this really stuck out to me because it showed how we were going through pain that we thought was bad, but there are people who live with pain everyday in their life.
Upon my arrival in La Grange at 1:30 I found my luggage and went straight to the team tent where I put my bicycle up for the day. After pedaling a bicycle for one hundred miles in one day I was extremely tired and sweaty, so I got a change of clothes and went to the shower trucks and luckily there was not a long line. When I got back to the tent there were only around ten others from Team St. David’s that were already finished, including some of the ones that I rode with in the morning. We all started talking about how the ride went for us and if we liked it or not. Later that night when all the riders were done, my dad and I ate dinner and then went to bed because we had an early start and eighty more miles to go on Sunday.
The ride from La Grange to Austin was full of beautiful scenery and rolling hills. Residents of the small towns we passed through stood in front of businesses and homes to catch a glimpse and cheer on all the riders that passed in front of them. When we finished the ride, I did not reach eureka, find out the meaning to life, or all the sudden know the cure to Multiple Sclerosis, but what I did know was that I along with over 10,000 others put ourselves through pain for one weekend to help combat a disease that plagues approximately 400,000 people in the United States.

By Jmay (Jmay) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 08:55 am: Edit

to the top

By Jmay (Jmay) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 07:24 pm: Edit

please post what you think

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