***Essay - is it goood or Bad**





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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: ***Essay - is it goood or Bad**
By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 01:42 pm: Edit

Aight I did a ton of work and I finally think its decent. let me know what you think. Please help me, make some corrections critizise (Sp?). Also I keep bringing up the sun cause my teacher said I should... I am not too sure about this

anyways help!

“If you’re not running, you’re running!,” our coach yelled out as we began our sprints to make up for our unenthusiastic effort in practice that dreadfully hot Florida day. My under shirt was soaked and my pads smelled putrid as the sun began to set behind the pine trees. I was not supposed to be sprinting yet, but I couldn’t let my teammates know I was still injured. Halfway down the field, in mid-stride I fell face first into the damp field. Pain quickly shot through my right hamstring rhythmically, as several teammates helped me to my feet. The doctors were right, sprinting was a bad idea.
After one day back from injuring my left hamstring, I injured my right one. As the trainer tested my flexibility, I couldn’t help but think that the last month of arduous physical therapy had been a waste. When I got home that night I threw my lacrosse stick in the closet. I ignored calls for supper and stared at the ceiling. All my hard work had gone to waste. My recovery from the first injury required great personal sacrifice; I was not sure whether I had the perseverance to go through with it again. I can recall lying on a table in a small, dark room, while an eerily loud machine would periodically jab into my hamstrings to supposedly loosen them up. I was not looking forward to that again.
After two days of isolating self from family and friends, my parents told me that my coach was on the phone; I told them to say I was not home. I later decided to call him back and he said, “Jimmy you gotta get better, we need you.” I began to see that I could not quit, I must get better for the team and rejoin them out in the blistering heat of the Florida sun. Ever since I can remember, my father has taught me to “never quit ever.” I realized that no matter what happened, I must keep trying to get better, and I must not quit on my team. I began a rigorous physical therapy routine every day after school.
After each session I returned to school in time for the last hour of lacrosse practice. Although it was unbearably hot, I found the Florida sun quite a welcoming site. I tried my best to help the team out. I enjoyed coaching the younger players, and motivating my teammates for a big game. I felt apart of the team again.
After four weeks of intense physical therapy I was able to run again. In five weeks, I was back on the field I couldn’t help but be happy to be out there sweating under the humid hot summer sun once again.

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 03:38 pm: Edit

Cliche, cliche, cliche. Oh wait, I forget to mention cliche. Did I mention cliche yet? Oh wait, I forgot: cliche. Stop posting this god damn essay over and over making little to no improvement. It's annoying.

P.S. Are you that 'lacrosse stick humping' character?

By Winterfresh (Winterfresh) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 03:42 pm: Edit

Ouch.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 04:23 pm: Edit

Wow, I thought it wasnt as cliche anymore, I thought I improved it, you dont have to go nutz. Sorry

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 04:36 pm: Edit

you overcame an injury? what does that show about you..what was it like sitting out while everyone played? what did it feel to go to a hospital and find out the doctor couldnt fix the probelem..you have to include the details on how you felt not just tell them...i hope this helps

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 04:45 pm: Edit

thanks finally some constructive critisizm thanks very much I will add a lot of details I guess I think I am covered on the descriptive side

By Johannam (Johannam) on Tuesday, October 07, 2003 - 03:46 am: Edit

Naka is right, express more specifically what you are FEELING. And you tended to reiterate the fact that is was really hot, we know it is hot in Florida, seems like you want them to admire you for working out in the sun, well so do thousands of other kids who play sports. Dont mention it as much.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, October 07, 2003 - 04:04 am: Edit

well if you read before thats what my stupid teacher wanted me to write, I was against it and wanted confirmation that adding that a lot is stupid. So all I need to do is add what I was feeling is and I am fine..

overall its not bad is it?


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