Opening of Essay, does it make you want to continue reading?

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: Opening of Essay, does it make you want to continue reading?
By Sammy6979 (Sammy6979) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 11:22 am: Edit

does this capture your attention? any other comments on it?

When I was in the second grade we were asked to write a paper describing our siblings. After we had all finished, we were told to share our descriptions with the class. I proudly read mine out loud. It told all about my black haired brother named Lart.
“Lart?!” Sneared my classmates, “What kind of parent would name their kid Lart?”
“I named him.” I would reply with dignity to my befuddled classmates.
As my vivid description of my only sibling continued, my classmates were skeptical.
“You’re making him up!” They would claim incredulously.
Their disbelief grew even more when I told them that I actually liked my brother, as they told stories of their hatred for their own siblings.
It was only until after they found out that Lart, my brother, was a cat they began to understand.
It was my cat who I considered my brother. It was my cat who stemmed my love for animals.

I'm going to continue on to tell about my desires to become a vet, I will incorporate my volunteer work at the SPCA and when I played violin when I was younger the songs I wrote such as "ode to lart"

By Chrysanthemum (Chrysanthemum) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 12:01 pm: Edit

i like it

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 12:25 pm: Edit

The topic may work well but stay away from discussing the (possible) death of Lart as an inspiration for your career. Your essay would fall in another hackneyed "cliche" trap.

By Chen (Chen) on Monday, October 06, 2003 - 12:33 pm: Edit

It does make me want to keep on reading, but watch the way you word things. It's cliche.

By Godis (Godis) on Friday, November 07, 2003 - 05:54 pm: Edit

bahaha, that's great. i like that opening.

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