Dadster,TheDad,MorganTruce-help!Please evaluate my HarvardEA

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: October 2003 Archive: Dadster,TheDad,MorganTruce-help!Please evaluate my HarvardEA
By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Friday, October 03, 2003 - 07:20 pm: Edit


I've seen that you guys have extensive experience on college admissions matters, particularly in analyzing those really subjective factors like the essay.

I was wondering, thus, if you could review one essay i wrote for Harvard EA. I'm an international student; therefore, I haven't really been able to have it reviewed by anybody except one person. I wanted to receive as much feedback as possible, for I plan to send this one first next Monday.

It's actually my "most meaningful activity essay" --but it', I guess. And because I'll be sending it first (in addition to it i'll send my personal statement and supplementary essay, only later, though), I wanted to have some sort of third-party opinions about it.

This is the essay I feel less confident about.

Anyway, thank you so much for your help. Just provide me with an e-mail and I'll thank you forever!!!


By Thedad (Thedad) on Friday, October 03, 2003 - 08:26 pm: Edit

Gaby, another parent forwarded your essay to me via e-mail. I'm afraid that I haven't had time to do it justice.

My initial take is that it's *extremely* well written but I also have reservations that it serves your purpose, i.e., convincing an adcom to take you...those are not contradictory observations. However, I want to give it a slow, considered, thoughtful read before fixing my initial reaction in stone. (And I simply haven't had that kind of time as I'm running a four-ring circus between the hs orchestra, the ballet, my work, and D's college app process...we're flying up to Stanford this weekend.)

It's somewhere in my "to do" stack and I'll get to it as soon as possible.

I've just given it a quick scan...and, yes, it needs a very slow thoughtful read. And that, for me, is one of the warning signs of this essay...from a literary standpoint it's exquisite, reminding me of GG Marquez stylistically, but its very literary qualities obscure *you* and your personality. As it is, I think you could just knock the socks off an adcom reader or you could leave them completely cold.

However, as I said, I want to do a very deliberate read.

Best, TheDad

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Friday, October 03, 2003 - 08:28 pm: Edit

Aw, thanks so much!

And yeah, I understand that it has some "issues"......I'll wait, don't worry!

Your D is a dancer, too, right?


By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Friday, October 03, 2003 - 08:29 pm: Edit

Oh, durh, you mention ballet in your msg...hihihi.

I do contemporary dance. :-)

Oh, and I did some minor changes to that version of the essay - changes that I think make reading/understanding it a lil bit easier. Would you like me to send you that version, just in case?

By Thedad (Thedad) on Friday, October 03, 2003 - 08:39 pm: Edit

Gaby, check your e-mail later today or tomorrow.

Yeah, my D does ballet, has loved it since she was *4*. Everyone else in pre-school was doing "creative movement"...she was doing ballet. It's a cosmic joke of sorts that I've come to love ballet as I do...I was *not* that kind of guy but now I know my penchees from my pirouettes.

Modern (as we say locally) is something I'm skittish about. I think my taste in Dance is probably fairly conservative and some of it has struck me as being really neat and some of it is just too bizarre for my zone.

LOL about an essay "having issues." It's certainly unique and its flaws, if any, are also unique.

By Rashmi (Rashmi) on Saturday, October 04, 2003 - 09:27 am: Edit

Hey Gaby..... from what Thedad says your essay sounds awesome. Could you please let me read it? I really want to. My e-mail id is in my profile.
Thanks a lot.

By Touky (Touky) on Saturday, October 04, 2003 - 02:14 pm: Edit

WE're supposed to write an essay for the Harvard EA activities on the common app?? dont they give you like four lines?!

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Sunday, October 05, 2003 - 05:49 pm: Edit


By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 06:10 pm: Edit


By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 07:20 pm: Edit

Gaby - I have not forgotten but I am still chewing it like a Bolivian grandma chews a coca leave. It is exquisite but makes your head spin. :)

Oh well, "la patience est la vertu des forts"

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 07:28 pm: Edit



By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 09:16 pm: Edit

OK - done - Gaby, check your email!

By Thedad (Thedad) on Thursday, October 09, 2003 - 09:53 pm: Edit

It's one of three I have on my desk...I will dearly try to get to it this evening. Xiggi's post above translates to a fare-thee-well my sense of it, too.

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 01:57 pm: Edit


Dear Xiggi, TheDad, et al.

PLEASE check your mailboxes. I sent a surprise for you just now. Hihi.

(I'm sorry. I just want to see if this revised version makes at least a teenie-weenie more sense than the previous one.)

But PLEASE, PLEASE take a look at it. Pleaaase. I have to send it this Thursday, so, PLEASE!

Thank you thank you thank you eternally!


P.S. - Poor mum of mine. She says she will start learning English tomorrow. She's said that at least 15 times, haha, never actually gets herself to begin! Hehe. Ah, so bad. I need adcom-minded English-speakers reading my essays! :-(

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 01:58 pm: Edit

TheDad, I just realized i don't have ur email! LOL. How do I send it to you? (It has changed quite a bit from the version you have.... that one that was forwarded to you...) I think it's nicer now. Less confusing.

Or so I hope.

By Asndfkas (Asndfkas) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 03:13 pm: Edit

Why are u asking parents to do these things? this dad guy has a daughter of his own, his priorites are with her. I dont get it

By Thedad (Thedad) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 03:17 pm: Edit

She's asking because I've indicated I would be happy to look at it. Actually, another parent forwarded her essay to me before Gaby even asked me. It's an interesting essay. I have no problem with being helpful to someone if I choose and if I have the's taken me quite a while to respond to some. Btw, I can't look at D's essays until they're done...which they're not.

Gaby, if your e-mail is the same as what's in your profile, I'll give you a "ping!" tonight...I've got to leave momentarily and will be tied up for much of the day.

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 03:37 pm: Edit

Asndfkas -

Because no one in my family speaks English, perhaps?

And because some of us perhaps aren't so lucky as you are and lack teachers, who speak English?

And because I just appreciate the help offered by some very helpful adults in this board?

TheDad -

Sure! No problem! :-)

By Gabypa (Gabypa) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 03:39 pm: Edit

Asndfkas -

I take back that post, I'm sorry.

Now that I re-read it, I found it too confrontational.

I'm sorry if our opinions differ and if you think my actions are inappropriate. I just have a contrary view, I guess.

Peace and good luck.

By Asndfkas (Asndfkas) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 06:04 pm: Edit

That's ok Gaby, it's just unfair of you to assume I have a profuse amount of people revising my essay.
I mean I have nothing against what you're doing, but .. yah..

By Testtaker (Testtaker) on Sunday, October 12, 2003 - 07:39 pm: Edit

Gaby, can I read your essay? I need inspiration and apparently yours is good. By the way, I was curious how you learned English so well with nobody in your family knowing it.

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