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this is in response to how have u taken advantage of the oppurtunities available to you

Walking into my fourth period class, I found myself listening to the classic beat of old-school German rock. My teacher was jamming on the side, welcoming each student back from a long summer. It was my third year of German and after becoming acquainted with the language, my passion for it was growing more and more. The German culture itself was very intriguing and the class allowed us to experience some of the customs first hand. Every September we arranged an Oktoberfest (yes it was in September) where the class brought in foods endemic to Germany along with drinks. It was a very relaxing time, as it was a break from the school day and a time where tensions were real low. German was the language I looked forward to enjoying all through high school.
After my second year of German, I yearned to venture into Germany. I wanted to observe the German culture firsthand and try to interact with the citizens. Luckily for me, my uncle lived there and he welcomed my suggestion with open arms. When I first arrived in Germany, I had a very difficult time speaking; people spoke fluently and with such strong accents that it sounded like a different dialect. Nonetheless, after a couple of misinterpretations I attempted to communicate with the city venders and taxi drivers. Although I spoke very simplistically, I was able to convey my ideas and get my questions answered. One afternoon during lunchtime, I walked into the local “wurst” shop expecting some sort of a concoction similar to that of an American hotdog. Much to my surprise, I found a skinny sausage and a pool of mustard on my paper plate. Though different, the meal was very appetizing even more so because I was able to enjoy it in Germany. Experiencing the culture and relying on a language I learned in school, was very rewarding. When I got home, I wrote my uncle a thank you letter in German and waited eagerly to share my experiences with my German teacher. Little did I know, the profound effects the budget cut would have on German.
With a shortage of students willing to enroll in German, the program was cut. I was enraged. Not only was I loosing the opportunity to go into German 4 and gain exposure to classic German literature, I was missing one of my most enjoyable classes. Determined, I visited my guidance counselor only to find out that there was nothing he could do. As a last option, I looked into a local community college to see if they offered German. I knew it would be a lot more challenging than my level, but I also was confident in my desire. I was surprised to see it there even more so when I saw it was offered every Wednesday for almost three hours! Having strong passion to continue the language in college, I signed up for the winter semester. I hope, although it will be a little tougher, the college course will enrich me with both the German language and culture.

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 06:54 pm: Edit

bump

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 08:04 pm: Edit

bump

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 09:14 pm: Edit

bump..anyone

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 10:23 pm: Edit

bump come on

By Fairyofwind (Fairyofwind) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 10:27 pm: Edit

I think more people will read this essay of yours once you make a more eye-catching introduction. You start off with a participial clause (is that what it's called?)... I would read it but I'm feeling lazy... already read like 4-5 tonight.

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 10:46 pm: Edit

ok..well whenever u get a chance...thanks

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 11:33 pm: Edit

come on peeps..help a brother out

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 12:14 am: Edit

This is my 2nd draft
dont all jump to read it
Walking into my fourth period class, I listened to the classic beat of old-school German rock. My teacher was jamming on the side, welcoming each student back from a long summer. “Guten tag, guten tag,” she chirped, each word precisely syncopated. It was my third year of German and after becoming acquainted with the language, my passion for it was growing. The German culture is very intriguing, and the class allowed me to experience some of the customs first hand. Every September our class arranged an Oktoberfest (in spite of the name it is indeed in September) where we brought in endemic meals and dinks. It was a very relaxing time, because the food was exquisite and drinks prolific. German was the language I looked forward to enjoying all through high school.
After my second year of German, I yearned to visit Germany. I wanted to observe the German culture firsthand and interact with the citizens. Luckily for me, my uncle, who lived there, welcomed my suggestion. When I first arrived in Germany, naturally I had a very difficult time understanding; people spoke fluently and with such strong accents that it sounded like a different dialect. Right as I was leaving the airport, somebody yelled at me for the time. Unfortunately, I misinterpreted him and responded by saying “no thanks, I am not hungry”. With time, however, I grew accustomed to the accent. Although I spoke very simplistically, I was able to convey my ideas and have my questions answered. One afternoon during lunchtime, I walked into the local “wurst” shop expecting some sort of a concoction similar to that of an American hotdog. Much to my surprise, I found a skinny sausage and an absurdly large pool of mustard on my paper plate. Though different, the meal was very appetizing even more so because I was able to enjoy it in Germany. Experiencing the culture and relying on a language I learned in school, was very rewarding. When I got home, I wrote my uncle a thank you letter in German and waited eagerly to share my experiences with my German teacher. Little did I know, the profound effects the budget cut would have on our high school German program.
With a shortage of students willing to enroll in German, the program was cut. I was enraged. Not only was I loosing the opportunity to go into German 4 and gain exposure to classic German literature, I was missing one of my most enjoyable classes. Determined, I visited my guidance counselor, only to find out, that there was nothing he could do. I suggested to my teacher that I could create a German club, where she could continue to teach us once a week. Unfortunately, she was required to teach another class, limiting her availability after school. As a last option, I looked into a local community college to see if they offered German. I knew it would be a lot more challenging than the level I was at, but I also was confident in my desire. I was surprised to see it listed even more so when I saw it was offered every Wednesday for almost three hours! Having strong passion to continue the language in college, I signed up for the winter semester. I hope, although it will be a little tougher, the college course will enrich me with both the German language and culture.

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 03:30 pm: Edit

bump to the top

By Chenfei (Chenfei) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 04:00 pm: Edit

First off, German people don't have an "accent" except for Bavarians, so it is probably you who has an accent.

Your essay is not very interesting to read - it tells us a nice little story about your experiences so far, but I can't feel the true affection your might have for the German culture.

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 04:04 pm: Edit

It was pretty boring.

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 04:46 pm: Edit

yea i felt it was a little dry too but the uc's want a clear cut answer..i talked to our career center coordinator and she has attended numerous Uc conferences..they want something that is direct and to the point..i think this is but i am looking for some opinions

By Rokko91 (Rokko91) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 06:06 pm: Edit

I would make several changes. "... she chirped, each word precisely syncopated..." I think you can say this in a simpler way.
"... because the food was exquisite and drinks prolific." I don't think I have ever heard German food described as exquisite, maybe hearty? Drinks prolific makes it sound as if you were being served alcohol (it was probably soda?).
"... people spoke fluently and with such strong accents that it sounded like a different dialect."
This sentence is awkward - wouldn't you expect native Germans to speak fluently?
"Having strong passion to continue ..." Isn't "strong passion" redundant?
Anyway, i think you have a good topic, and it can be a good essay with a little tweaking.
Good luck.

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 10:51 pm: Edit

thank you..any more suggestion come on homies

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 11:45 pm: Edit

bizump..alimsk..sadly enough i value your criticism more than any other opinions mainly because i have seen that you are a good writer..so plz help me out

By Polly (Polly) on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 03:59 am: Edit

basically it sounds somehow arrogant to me...

By Rashmi (Rashmi) on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 05:21 am: Edit

nah... it does'nt sound arrogant.
Nakul just jazz it up a bit and I think it'll be fine(it's just for UC right?!!!!)

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 10:33 am: Edit

yea its just for a uc and its very rough right now..needs editing
btw how is it arrogant

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 03:19 pm: Edit

bump

By Nautical_2000 (Nautical_2000) on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 09:57 am: Edit

i thought it was all right, but if you think about it, how many people may have a similar topic of going to community college?

By Nakattacks31 (Nakattacks31) on Friday, October 03, 2003 - 01:26 am: Edit

bump