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This is the introduction to the prompt: "'Simplify, Simplify, Simplify,' intoned Thoreau. If you were to follow Thoreau's advice and scale back your possessions, what would you keep, and why?"

here goes:

Amidst the clutter of my parent’s bedroom dresser lie two photo albums. They are easy to miss, hidden under the torn gloves and unused scarves of my youth in Russia the albums look plain and unimportant. And yet, as I open the dresser to find something worthy of Thoreau’s advice, the albums are the first things to catch my eye. Their faded covers screaming out with antiquity, urging me to gaze upon the aging pictures and immerse themselves into a world without time or structure. It is too strong for me to turn away from; I sit down on my parent’s bed and open one of the albums.

By Clickspring (Clickspring) on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 09:26 pm: Edit

good theme, but your essay needs some reworking to make the language flow better. however, that's a very typical responce. is there anything else you can think of?

By Andrey1225 (Andrey1225) on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 12:23 am: Edit

yeah, the second sentence is weird and the transitions between the sentences arent smooth, but that can all be taken care of.

well i want to answer it truthfully, im not going to write about a coffee mug or a hat as the one thing i would keep. so im not going to switch topics.

anything else?

By Andrey1225 (Andrey1225) on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 08:25 pm: Edit

bump

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 09:13 pm: Edit

"Amidst the clutter of my parent’s bedroom dresser lie two photo albums."
-good
"They are easy to miss, hidden under the torn gloves and unused scarves of my youth in Russia the albums look plain and unimportant."
-confusing. I would contrast them to something that looks better or more important-looking. I would also say "next to blahblahblah" this makes it seem as if on their on they are unimpressive (I think that's what you're going for) As of now, it sounds as if you are trying to put that part about your "youth in Russia" in, it doesn't flow. How about, "They are easy to miss, next to the brightly colored scarves and toys of my childhood in Russia the albums look plain and unimportant", or something along those lines
"And yet, as I open the dresser to find something worthy of Thoreau’s advice, the albums are the first things to catch my eye."
-good, omit 2nd "the" and "things"
"Their faded covers screaming out with antiquity, urging me to gaze upon the aging pictures and immerse themselves into a world without time or structure."
-this sentence doesn't make sense do you mean "Their faded covers scream out with antiquity, urging me to gaze upon their aging pictures and immerse myself in a world without time or structure."
Maybe change last sentence to, "They are too strong for me to turn away from; I sit down on my parent’s bed and let them tell me their story."

It would be SO cool if you could keep that personification going!

By Andrey1225 (Andrey1225) on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 11:09 pm: Edit

Amidst the clutter of my parent’s bedroom dresser lie two photo albums. They are easy to miss, hidden under torn leather gloves and unused scarves they look plain and unimportant. Yet, as I open the dresser, the albums are the first things to catch my eye. Is this my most treasured possession, what I would strive to keep if all else failed? I listen for an answer but the faded covers simply scream out with their antiquity, and urge me to gaze upon the aging pictures, to immerse myself into a world without time or structure. It is too strong for me to turn away from; I sit down on my parent’s bed and start to search for an answer.

Is that any better?

By Geniusash (Geniusash) on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 06:18 pm: Edit

Better, here are some more suggestions
Amidst the clutter of my parent’s bedroom dresser lie two photo albums. They are easy to miss(;) hidden under torn leather gloves and unused scarves(,) they look plain and unimportant. Yet, as I open the dresser, the albums are the first things (this seems wordy, I like "are first to catch") to catch my eye. Is this my most treasured possession, what I would ( omit strive to) keep if all else failed? (this past sentence still needs work "what I would strive to keep if all else failed" is wordy and stylisticlly odd) I listen for an answer but (but? or and) the faded covers simply (omit) scream out with their antiquity, and urge me (say "urging me" instead)to gaze upon the (their) aging pictures, to immerse myself into (in, not into) a world without time or structure. It (they or else their cries) are too strong for me to turn away from; I sit down on my parent’s bed and start to (omit start to) search (their ___ pages or the ___books) for an answer.

By Andrey1225 (Andrey1225) on Thursday, September 11, 2003 - 06:43 pm: Edit

Thanks for the advice but for originality purpose im going to ignore most of it...

Does anyone agree or disagree with the topic? I know it is a little cliche, but I have ways to make my approach to the photo album original. And it highlights my heritage, which i want my essay to do.

By Hahaha (Hahaha) on Sunday, November 23, 2003 - 03:32 am: Edit

...just a question, if you were going to ignore the advice, why would you ask for some in the first place? The topic is okay, nothing terribly creative, but not bland, so it depends on the rest of the essay. good luck!