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Waiting in the emergency room, reflecting on my current situation, I couldn’t help but chuckle. I somehow managed to slice off a portion of my ear. How does this happen I thought, I was wearing a helmet. No one had ever seen an accident like this before on the lacrosse field. Of course, my timing was impeccable. The next day was the elections for school office, and I was running for vice president.
At the hospital, sitting on the operating chair, I became baffled wondering how the doctor would fit 3 cc’s of Novocain into my tiny ear. Just as I was being jabbed with the needle, my mind wondered elsewhere, luckily, and I forgot about the shot. My mind started to make me anxious and nervous. How on earth could I write a decent speech at 11:30 at night after receiving stitches in my ear?
Once I got home from the hospital, I decided to write my speech. Unfortunately the pain was intolerable, and after starting at a blank screen for half an hour I decided that I would write the speech the next day. The next morning I got up and I felt a little better even though I failed to sleep. I struggled out of be at around 5:45 in order to make myself some pancakes and think about my speech. My mind took consolation in the fact that many great men have done great work sans ear such as Van Gough. Fortunately, I had a 45 minute ride to look forward to. I could use that time to get my thoughts together.
Suddenly, as I was merging onto the highway, it dawned on me, why write a traditional campaign speech promising intangibles? Politicians have always done this, and quite frankly its gets boring except for those of us who watch C-span. Why not just write about my experience? The story sure would hold an audience well enough. The speech would certainly demonstrate my perseverance, my ability to overcome an obstacle and my ability to make the best out of any situation.
The hour of my speech approached, as I finished writing. I just needed something extra that would make me stick out from the other candidates. I finally decided to dance up to the podium to the disco hit song “At the Car Wash.” Sitting in the chapel, waiting for my name to be called, I thought no matter what the outcome of the election was, this experience had taught me a lot about myself. I discovered I could take any situation thrown at me and use it to my advantage. As I danced up to the podium, I had to smile. The audience was laughing hysterically at my performance. My speech turned out great; the audience loved the story and gave me the only standing obviation of the day. I won the election, but most importantly I discovered how to make the best out of a bad situation.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 04:24 pm: Edit

whwere are all you MIT/Berkley?Ivy people at to critique this

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 04:43 pm: Edit

Sorry, but I don't think you're going to like this criticism.


Your essay is meaningless. It shows that you are a procrastinator/slacker, not an innovator. Nobody will be impressed that you didn't write a speech. Nor would they admire the fact that you won an election. Choose a topic with more substance.

Those campaign speeches are always crappy. They take five minutes to write. You are being melodramatic and you leave me curious about the injury.

I told you that this would be painful.

I'm sorry but I don't think is essay is salvagable.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 04:48 pm: Edit

aight thats an opinion I am looking for, but I dont see how it shows I am a procrastinator/slacker?

I think its decent shows how I turned a bad situation into a good one...

but you might be right I gotta show it to some teachers, only problem is I really dont have any life shattering moment or anything like that so I have nothing else to write about. I mean I have the fact that earlier in the year for lax I pulled both hamstrings very very badly and was out for 2 months missed half the season then came back and helped the team win states... I mean I have my whole carrier of lacrosse is filled with injurys but I really dont want to talk about them because if admissions shows coaches it might not look go...

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 05:08 pm: Edit

anyone else care to take a looksee I mean it cant be horrible can it?

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 05:16 pm: Edit

you think you could actually read my essay, rather than plugging yours?

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 05:19 pm: Edit

Hmmm I guess I could, but are you that angry at me?

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 05:38 pm: Edit

bump for some actual constructive critics

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 05:57 pm: Edit

.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 08:09 pm: Edit

.`

By Gagner (Gagner) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 08:27 pm: Edit

Hmmm.. I've never even had any serious injuries, much less life changing experiences. So I know exactly what your plight is.

The last sentence is a little too "aww, isn't that sweet" for me. I'm about to go off on a tangent: a guy sang his speech for our class president election. It was horrible. Dude can't sing. But he did. And it was painful. Surprisingly, he won. The whole class gave each other "wtf" looks.

Good hook.
Easy readability.

I understand the whole turning a bad situation around thing, but you don't really emphasize that in a spectacular way. You say it bluntly, but the message then is shot at the audience from isolated spots in the essay rather than blending in smoothly all the way through. Its almost like, yadda yadda yadda ouch ear hurts yadda yadda yadda speech! yadda yadda yadda Hey - I'm turning a bad situation around here!

I guess what I'm trying to say is try to be more subtle. The subject is definately unique - can't imagine too many chipped of my ear and writing a speech essays out there. The Van Gogh reference is good. The hour of my speech approached, as I finished writing. <-- nix the comma... actually, this sentence is kind of "duh" the way its worded. I understand what you say.. but more like "as the hour of my speech approached, I made some last minute adjustment to my speech." My opinion.

Yeah, that's about it. Can somebody read mine? Thread titled "Essay about meaningful interest/activity... Part II"

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 08:34 pm: Edit

thanks very much, how do you think I can "emphasize the turning a bad situation into a good one." Like what do you think I need to do? How do you think I can blend this theme in the essay better. I am not sure how to be more subtle, I guess take out the line that describes how the speech would show that I can take a bad situation and turn it into a good one? I think that might help

Yah I figured the As the hour approached deal was too obvious. But thanks very much for taking a good look at my essay!

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 08:58 pm: Edit

Like I told you on aim, tell us more details about the injury. Are you accident prone? Unlucky? The line about "even with a helmet" makes it come off that way. If you are going to say that the injury stopped you from working, you need to explain the blinding pain you suffered. I think your conclusion should focus more on the speech than the victory. The problem you faced was delivering the speech, not winning the election.

Okay, that was the most constructive I can be. I would appreciate it if you give me some constructive criticisms to my new essay which will be posted soon.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 09:01 pm: Edit

that wasnt bad thanks

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 09:34 pm: Edit

IS this better


Waiting in the emergency room, reflecting on my current situation, I couldn’t help but chuckle. I somehow managed to slice off a portion of my ear. How does this happen I thought, I was wearing a helmet. A flap of my ear was literally hanging to my ear by the narrowest of margins. No one had ever seen an accident like this before. Of course, my timing was impeccable. The next day was the elections for school office, and I was running for vice president.
At the hospital, sitting on the operating chair, I became baffled wondering how the doctor would fit 3 cc’s of Novocain into my tiny ear. Just as I was being jabbed with the needle, my mind wondered elsewhere, luckily, and I forgot about the shot. My mind started to make me anxious and nervous. How on earth could I write a decent speech at 11:30 at night after receiving stitches in my ear?
Once I got home from the hospital, I decided to write my speech. Unfortunately the pain was intolerable, and after starting at a blank screen for half an hour I decided that I would write the speech the next day. The next morning I got up and I felt a little better even though I failed to sleep. I struggled out of be at around 5:45 in order to make myself some pancakes and think about my speech. My mind took consolation in the fact that many great men have done great work sans ear such as Van Gough. Fortunately, I had a 45 minute ride to look forward to. I could use that time to get my thoughts together.
Suddenly, as I was merging onto the highway, it dawned on me, why write a traditional campaign speech promising intangibles? Politicians have always done this, and quite frankly its gets boring except for those of us who watch C-span. Why not just write about my experience? The story sure would hold an audience well enough and the speech would certainly demonstrate some of my best qualities.
As hour of my speech approached, I made a few last minute adjustments. I just needed something extra that would make me stick out from the other candidates. I finally decided to dance up to the podium to the disco hit song “At the Car Wash.” Sitting in the chapel, waiting for my name to be called, I thought no matter what the outcome of the election was, this experience had taught me a lot about myself. I discovered I could take any situation thrown at me, no matter how bad, and use it to my advantage. Once my name was called the song played as I danced up to the podium. I had to smile. The audience was laughing hysterically at my performance. My speech turned out great; the audience loved the story and gave me the only standing obviation of the day. I won the election, but most importantly I discovered how to make the best out of a bad situation.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 10:04 pm: Edit

common more reads!

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 10:06 pm: Edit

i did read it. read my new re-revised FULL essay plz.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 10:41 pm: Edit

upity

By Gagner (Gagner) on Monday, September 01, 2003 - 11:26 pm: Edit

The subtlely thing is tough to do. Little things like

My mind took consolation in the fact that many great men have done great work sans ear such as Van Gough

turned into

My optimism gave my mind consolation in the fact that many great men have done great work sans ear such as Van Gough, looking past the deficiency and blah blah blah.

Things that like. Show them your spirit, don't just tell them - but show it in an obvious fashion. Oh yeah, the great men have done great work part <-- did you mean to use "great" twice within that sentence? Repetition is frowned upon at my high school. I think that's why I have such a grandiloquent style of writing, because I am forced to find substitutions for words I've already used - which can lead to some pretty obscure vocabulary in a 2000 word research paper. My word choice is fly by the moment and not so great, but you get the idea. There's a thousand ways to say "optimistic" without revealing "the moral of the story is..." Insert them strategically into your essay.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 05:55 am: Edit

.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 07:14 pm: Edit

tale a look

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 07:35 pm: Edit

Fee, I've just pasted your essay into an Appleworks file, and I'll take a look at it this evening. I'm going to look at both versions you posted on 9/1, at 4:18P and 9:34P. The whole essay looks a lot better! You must have worked on it over the weekend.

Remember, you are not writing for your peers. You are writing for admission comte members who want to get a sense of who you are. They are looking for good, clean writing, not convoluted prose resulting from a loud chorus of critics. Your style has clarity and strength. You just need to tighten up your technique. Stick with your own style, it's fine! Your story, btw, reminds me of John Irving's, The World According to Garp. He used shocking realism to tell a story, and the characters and events are so bizarre that it creates a darkly humorous narrative. In the end, there is a message based on a summary of these strange experiences. I'm not comparing your writing to Irving's. I'm merely pointing out that the elements of your essay aren't that far-fetched or inane.

You need to iron out some of the redundancies, e.g. "I became baffled wondering how the doctor..." You were either baffled or wondering, not both. Or, make it less about your thoughts and give the reader a better visual of what was actually going on. While you were bemused at the prospect of having your ear sewn back on, you suddenly noticed the large syringe full of Novocain in the hands of the emergency room physician. Do you see how that is both subtle and humorous? It also gives us a real-time sense of what the experience was like. It puts the reader in-the-moment.

Check for repetitious wording, e.g. i{"A flap of my ear was literally hanging to my ear..."}

Try rewording; amp up your vocab in places where the words sound inexact. For example, the word "chuckle" makes you seem too carefree and jolly, like you were enjoying the experience a little too much. People who are in excrutiating pain don't often chuckle, unless they're inebriated! It's not quite the right description. Get out the thesaurus &/or the dictionary, and start looking at substitutions for chuckle. The dictionary lists not only synonyms, but correct word usage, as well. Get closer to a more realistic description of how you felt and what you were doing while you were contemplating your situation.

Edit for logic. For instance, an ear does not hang by a narrow margin. A margin is a space or a border. A flap of an ear can hang, or better yet, come up with a more original way to describe your unfortunate ear.

Another logical conflict: First you say that your ear was "sliced off," and then, you say that it was barely hanging. Which was it? In your earlier draft on 9/1 @ 4:18P, you hadn't yet added the hanging flap description, and I think it reads better without. Stay with the earlier draft.

Another logical conflict: What other great men accomplished great things with only one ear besides Vincent van Gogh? Make your observation around just this one guy. You're overgeneralizing by saying that there were "many great men." I can think of two, Evander Holyfield and Master van Gogh.

Cut out empty phrasing, as in, "Of course, my timing was impeccable." There is no loss of meaning, and it sounds less clichéd if you say, My timing was impeccable. Nice and direct leading into your next sentence.

Fee, I can tell that you've worked on organizing your ideas, and the essay flows better toward the conclusion. A big improvement over the weekend! Don't throw away too much of your original essay. All it needs is some pruning! Now this is where I'm kind of an idiot...I don't know how to exchange email addies with somebody on this forum without publicizing it all over the Internet, so let me ask one of the resident experts in this house, and I'll send you my edits directly. okwu?
-- s. bgg

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 07:59 pm: Edit

Wow thats so much....

how do you think this work?

". A flap of my ear was literally hanging, barely able to cling on for its life."

and yah go right ahead and send it to fee12345@aol.com

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 08:07 pm: Edit

Waiting in the emergency room, reflecting on my current situation, I couldn’t help but chuckle. I somehow managed to slice off a portion of my ear. How does this happen I thought, I was wearing a helmet. No one had ever seen an accident like this before. My timing was impeccable. The next day was the elections for school office, and I was running for vice president.
At the hospital, sitting on the operating chair, I became amused, was the doctor really going to try to fit 3 cc’s of Novocain into my tiny ear. Just as he answered my question and jabbed me with the needle, my mind wondered elsewhere, luckily, and I forgot about the shot. My mind started to make me anxious and nervous. How on earth could I write a decent speech at 11:30 at night after receiving stitches in my ear?


Hows that now?

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 08:08 pm: Edit

Sounds too choppy without the

Of Course,

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 08:12 pm: Edit

I think brining up Holyfield iis a little too wierd..

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 08:23 pm: Edit

P.s my mom freakin hates my essay she hates the line

"My mind took consolation in the fact that many great men have done great work sans ear such as Van Gough"

thinks the word Sans is bad

she thinks that this is bad

"I just needed something extra that would make me stick out from the other candidates. I finally decided to dance up to the podium to the disco hit song “At the Car Wash.” "

she asked
-where did you get the music
-how did you dance if you thought of it right before the speech


I mean is she right? there arent enough wwords to say all that stuff, + I dont think they care they want to get a feel for the student and I think they do here...

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 10:31 pm: Edit

No Fee, don't bring up Holyfield. My point was that you were overgeneralizing, and it leaves the reader wondering who else you were thinking of when you said, "many great men." Most people can think of only one guy, van Gogh.

I'll send you the big edits later, but in response to what you just wrote...

Correct grammar, punctuation, vocab: "How does this happen?" I wondered. I was wearing a helmet.

Substitute: Instead of, "Of course," how about, As usual, my timing was impeccable.? Emphasizing the concept that h/s athletes get injured frequently and have to balance their school responsibilities.

Correct word usage: You don't become amused. You were amused as the doctor prepared to inject 3 cc's of Novocain into your [ixnay on "tiny"] ear. Are you trying to say that the part of your ear that was left was small? If that's it, tiny might not be the best single adjective to use. Tiny means diminuitive & miniscule, like you'd need a magnifying glass to see it. Try shredded, or torn, or use a different adjective that is more exact. You need to clarify the meaning.

Redundancy: You've already established that you are in the emergency room at the hospital. You don't need to restate it in the second paragraph. While sitting in the operating chair, I asked the doctor if he was really going to inject 3 cc's of Novocain into my ear.

Wordy Sentence: Instead of the next run-on sentence, separate out the ideas, e.g. With a painful jab of the needle, he answered my question. Then, combine your ideas in the next two sentences, and simplify the structure. Luckily, my anxiety over writing a decent speech at 11:30 that night took my mind off of the shot and my newly stitched ear. Something along those lines, but choose what sounds natural to you.

Number Agreement: The next day was the election (singular) for the school offices (plural)... One election for several student offices.

Whew, I'm tired! Time for spaghetti. More tomorrow...
--s.bgg

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 11:29 pm: Edit

It's a good idea not to have your parent(s) edit your essay. I speak from experience, as a parent. Thank your mom for her suggestions, and assure her that you will move forward on your own. I have a son, and this is how he keeps me from butting in too much!

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 06:39 pm: Edit

Yeah, your title was right. Your essay needs help.

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 06:40 pm: Edit

Not to be snide.

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 06:41 pm: Edit

Oh, and Hsimpson2k4. Your essay needs even more help.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 07:24 pm: Edit

Alimshk Cool thanks for the obvious want to try to help...

By Alimshk (Alimshk) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 07:44 pm: Edit

Okay

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 08:01 pm: Edit

Alimshk, you're a jerk. So condescending. So useless.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 08:05 pm: Edit

lkets see it

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 09:20 pm: Edit

•••• this, my parents both hate the essay...

they think I look like a clown dancing up to the speech, they think its self gratifying and they think it doesnt show anything....


I dont know anyone else have the same opinion

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 09:41 pm: Edit

I told you that I didn't think it had a lot of meaning. Then you got mad. Don't feel bad though. My dad said I think i'm perfect and brag my whole essay. My mom said I should be listing all of my EC's. Parents, what can you do with them?

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 11:18 pm: Edit

Mickey12345~

Do you really think that removing the Carwash soundtrack would diminish the essay? Does it make you a better college prospect? I believe that you should use some of the allowed words to showcase some of your other attributes. Being funny does not work very well in college essays. You have to be EXTREMELY good to pull it off, and most people fail when trying to be funny.

HSimpson~
Your essay is your chance to brag, but with intelligence. Show how good and sensitive you are but do say so! As far as your mom telling you to list EC, please tell her that Xiggi said that it was REALLY bad advice. If she does not believe me, I can send you quotes that will support this theory. Adcoms know how to read and there is a place on the application to LIST EC and the LAST thing they want to read is a list of EC.

Good luck to both of you!

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 12:58 pm: Edit

It sounds like you're unsure about this essay, Fee, so I'll wait until you decide whether or not to scrap it before I put any more work into editing. Consider asking one of your teachers for help with editing. Good luck! --s.bgg

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 08:50 pm: Edit

Scrapping it I think going to write about my horrible hamstring injuries... Will you help with that one I should get it done this weekend?


just for fun could you post what you had?

By Goneinfivemin (Goneinfivemin) on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 10:14 pm: Edit

Hey sluggbugg, can I e-mail you my essay?

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 10:58 am: Edit

Two suggestions, Fee:

1. Don't let other people hijack your ideas. Everybody's a critic, especially around here.

2. Take out the two sentences in your last paragraph that refer to dancing up to the podium. That's the part that is making everybody's teeth gnash. I read the essay again, and as I said earlier, if you could expand on the speech, it could pull your whole essay out of the crapper.

What is going to be interesting to an adcom are your personal qualities of perseverance and optimism. Now, this is going to sound real corny, but what you are really describing is the type of personal motivation that keeps athletes in the game. Your story is about overcoming adversity. It doesn't say it in Technicolor with fireworks and the John Philip Sousa Band playing the Stars & Stripes Forever, but it says it, nevertheless. What's bugging everybody is that it's about a jock who wins a student election riding on personal charisma. Realistically, that's part of the cultural landscape of high school, and it may be your particular niche. You can make yourself out to be something else, or you can choose to be honest.

This essay is redeemable. It's got a ton of mechanical problems, but I think it has potential because your personality comes through. I'd rather read a small essay about a day in the life of a modern teenager than read the front page of the NY Times, which arrives in my driveway every morning with depressing news.

Write another essay, but ask yourself if what you want to say in this second attempt is any different than what you tried to say in your first essay. If it's basically the same concept, stick with the first essay and forge ahead. In writing, you have to be fearless. Good luck. --s.bgg

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 11:11 am: Edit

Sure, Gonein5 (love your screen name, btw). I'll set up a temp email account with Yahoo today or tomorrow, and get back to yu in this thread. --mizbugg

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 11:31 am: Edit

Mizbug~

I was not bugged in the least by "about a jock who wins a student election riding on personal charisma."

This is the line that hits me like a Mack truck:

"How on earth could I write a decent speech at 11:30 at night after receiving stitches in my ear?"

What would have happened without the unfortunate incident? He probably would have written his speech in the parking lot of the HS.

The idea of not believing in preparation is reinforced by his decision to post his "first" draft on the board and to expect the collective power of the board to magically pull it out of its complete mediocrity.

The essay has NOTHING to do with overcoming adversity. It is nothing but a slightly comical story of a SLACKER who took advantage of a bad situation. Mickey12345 could have redeemed himself by posting an essay that showed a minimum amount of effort, especially for writing and grammar.

I'm sorry but the only thought that permeates out of THAT essay is the image of someone who does not take anything seriously and relies on luck.

I hope this does not become an example on the board.

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 11:42 am: Edit

I agree xiggi-

"It shows that you are a procrastinator/slacker, not an innovator."

That's what I've been saying since the beginning...

By Sluggbugg (Sluggbugg) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 01:36 pm: Edit

I understand the frustration you both have with Fee's essay. It's an easy target for harsh review. Rather than rip on essays and advise students to discard their first attempts, I try to be more supportive than critical. I'm patient with the process. That is the approach I choose to take when students ask for feedback.

Simpson, I offered suggestions to you that I thought could improve your essay, taking into account the time and extensive effort you had already put into the piece. Xig, if you've had the courage to post your essay, which comments were the most helpful? Ever had a total stranger say that they hated something personal you've written about yourself and call it worthless? How did it feel, Sim, when you received criticism about your essay suggesting that it was forgettable? Whenever I post, I try to remember that there are real people with real feelings on these boards, and I am especially considerate of students who are, at the very least, making the effort.

You'd be surprised how a horribly written piece can be reworked into a decent final draft. It's a challenge, but it can be done. The finished piece is quite often dramatically different than the original version. The theme and the focus will change. Most good essays evolve, and this one could, as well. I think Fee's idea of writing another essay is a good one. A second effort might produce something a little better, and it would be a nice comparison. For a slacker/procrastinator, it's not a bad exercise in comparative worth.

I'm not big on namecalling as a form of constructive criticism. From my pov, that represents a slacker mentality. Some would argue that asking for help online is a slacker way to go. I'm not taking sides, btw, and I deliberately overlooked the catfight between Simpson and Fee because it looked like both of you were making a genuine attempt to produce a college essay. Fee's comments about your essay were mean-spirited and destructive, something we'd all like to see less of in CC.

Xig, although I agree with what you've said about the quality of writing in this essay, your peer evaluation would have more merit if it weren't so acerbic. Today's snarlings are a reminder of why some parents choose not to get involved with online critiques.

By Hsimpson2k4 (Hsimpson2k4) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 03:43 pm: Edit

Sluggbugg, you are a more mature and patient person than I am. However, I did take the time over AIM to geniunely help fee with his essay a while ago. He kind of ignored my comments about the procrastination. I want to make a point so that he will change it. Don't call it a catfight...grrr. I was brutal on his essay, which I warned and he didn't have to read. He go offended and attacked mine. Then it went back and forth. Catfights are for girls, we boxed. ;)

I also told fee online that she should go into more detail of why a cut on his ear would prevent him from working. Oh well. Best of luck Fee. I'm not going to post here any more to avoid destructive comments.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 04:06 pm: Edit

wow, I am sorry I caused arguments... I am oging to try to save this one, but I will also write about something else. I will post them later this weekend thanks for all the time Sluggbugg I REALLY OWE YOU!

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 04:38 pm: Edit

Sluggbugg~

I only posted as a reply to your post. I believe that I refrained to make acerbic comments on the value of the "earlier" versions of the essay. Also, I did not call it worthless but mediocre. I have to admit that I also reacted to the rather cavalier attitude of Fee. I found the dialogue between Hsimpson and Fee to be quite an eye-opener into the personality of Fee.

That being said, I commend you for making great efforts in helping Fee's essay. However, you may have noticed that the "reviews" were particularly scarce. Could that be a direct reaction to the perceived value of the original work and the "redeemable" value?

In my eyes, there is a distinction between a poorly researched and written essay and an essay that was rushed and posted as an afterthought. I believe that it is rude to post an essay that starts with the following lines:
"I really did not put any thoughts in this. I just wrote it in 10 minutes. I have not checked the spelling and grammar. Oh, I know, that there is a button for that on Word, but, I am so lazy and that's what you guys do. So, what do you guys think?"

If you researched my posts, you would see that I never hesitate to go through great lengths to help someone on this board. Neither will I hesitate to be brutally honest, even it is perceived as acerbic. It is a greater disservice to sugarcoat an opinion. And, after all, this is an active community board and a lone negative opinion should easily drown in a flood of kudos and positive comments.

Finally, Sluggbugg, I do not lack the "courage" to post my essays on the board. This is not a competition.

By Fee12345 (Fee12345) on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 10:35 am: Edit

Dear Xiggi

First of all the comment about seeing my personality through my conversation with Hsimpson is not a fair judgement, We got into a fight everyone does it. I appologized helped him with his essay and he did the same for me

then

""I really did not put any thoughts in this. I just wrote it in 10 minutes. I have not checked the spelling and grammar. Oh, I know, that there is a button for that on Word, but, I am so lazy and that's what you guys do. So, what do you guys think?"


- My purpose was to just see if the tone/subject of my essay were good. I was not just posting to have everyone else do my dirty work, I mean if you take a look at the essays I did some major work to them since the first one.

I dont know why you are being so critical, all I wanted was a little help on my essay, if you think I am a jerk, fine dont edit it, but please dont post in the thread. Thanks

By Goneinfivemin (Goneinfivemin) on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 10:50 pm: Edit

Thanks slugg, let me know

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 11:10 pm: Edit

Fee~

I did not call you a jerk and there was nothing personal in my posts.

I posted in answer to Sluggbugg assessment of your essay, and the specific "jock winning with charisma".

If you go back, you'll see that I was one of the first persons to comment to the first "edition" of your Van Gogh essay. I was not criticial of your essay but I believed that it lacked substance and that it did NOT portray a positive image at all. Again, if my negative comments were lost in a sea of positive comments, would it have mattered?

My opinion is only that ... ONE opinion. If you disagree with what I said, just ignore it.

Good luck to you!