Revenge of the essay!

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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: August 2003 Archive: Revenge of the essay!
By Genericname (Genericname) on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 10:03 pm: Edit

Ok, this is the intro to an essay I've been cooking up..if you care to read it, let me know what you think. thanks!


“Did we white balance?”


“Did you- those lights don’t look right”

“Umm…get a freshman to check them”

“Are you doin’ SEG today?”


“Hey! You doin’…”

I’ve stopped listening. That’s bad. I’m daydreaming, again. That’s really bad, considering we go live in three minutes and I’m doing SEG. I have to operate a giant luminescent keyboard that controls what the fifty-plus TV’s in my school put out every morning. In a few minutes I will hit the wrong button and put out an announcer picking his nose, not good. But I can’t help it; I have something on my mind. Last night I watched a movie, a work of art really, on television, and it got me thinking about, well, who I am. I watched Revenge of the Nerds.

By Rubenizm (Rubenizm) on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 10:21 pm: Edit

coooool. email me the ending will ya? this is what you need to do...make the reader want to finish the essay. No that's a really cool beggining. where are you applying?

By Masamune707 (Masamune707) on Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 01:24 am: Edit

HAHAHAHAH sounds great altho the beginning with the conversation was a tad confusing and maybe u wanna say wut SEG is haha i derno..good luck!!!

By Almostdone (Almostdone) on Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 08:50 am: Edit

very cool, yes like rubenzim said, makes me want to read it, but maybe a LITTLE bit TOO casual in the beginning?
"a work of art really,"
"thinking about, well, who I am."
"That’s really bad,"

although u DO want it to sound like your own self and not some pompous 70yrold professor, yours seems like you are talking to a regualr friend on any old day....just something to think about.

By Genericname (Genericname) on Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 10:42 am: Edit

wow, thanks for the complements guys. As far as what almostdone said, that seems to be my one problem. I have a very chatty and informal, yet humorous, writing style. Does anyone think that could be a problem on an essay?

By Genericname (Genericname) on Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 06:36 pm: Edit

bump...does anyone want to see the whole thing?

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