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Hi! I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice on the essay I have written for Albright,Muhlenberg college and University of Rhode Island. It's about a cultural experience. I just was wondering if it seems good enough, or if I should revise it. Thanks!


It was during eighth grade when I truly learned to appreciate a cultural difference between me and another student, while discovering a similarity between us at the same time. In eighth grade, it is safe to say that most students mainly are friends with other students who talk, look, and act just like them. Unfortunately, even some adults today, still are hesitant to meet different kinds of people and share new experiences with them. In my experience a few years ago, it was the differences of language, culture, and nationality between me and another student that brought us closer together and made me realize the significance of cultural diversity.

In the beginning of eighth grade, my friends and I were very alike. We were hardly aware of our own differences, nevertheless those differences of another culture. Therefore, when my new assigned partner in science class for the year was a girl of Chinese descent, who barely even spoke English, I never had imagined I would become good friends with her. We could hardly even speak the same language as each other! It was not that I did not like Jin, or was not aware of her differences, but I just did not believe I would ever get to know her because of our differences.

As the year went on, I discovered that Jin spoke more English and we had more things in common than I had thought. I had mistakenly believed her math and science skills would be low because she did not speak fluent English. But it turned out that I was the one who ended up asking her for help! Not only was she more intelligent than I had thought, but she was also very polite, helpful, and fun to be around, once you got used to conversing with her.

As Jin and I became better friends, she would tell me about her family and how she had moved to America only two years earlier. For the first time, I was really touched by learning her story and I greatly admired the courage she and her family must have had for leaving their home to come to America. I was also very amazed watching her write so quickly in Chinese. She even went out of her way to teach me things like how to write my name in Chinese! Everyday, I would look forward to learning a little more about her culture, and her adjustment to ours.

Being partners with Jin in eighth grade was one of the best things that ever happened to me! I learned many things from her, as she also learned a lot from me. The experience changed me as a person, as I learned to not only tolerate, but also truly appreciate and respect the differences of others. The experience also showed me that being friends with someone who barely speaks your language is not only possible, but also very special and interesting. Now, instead of wanting to be around people just like me, I am hoping to find new experiences and friendships through people who can bring diversity, like Jin did!

By hoopla on Wednesday, November 13, 2002 - 10:38 pm: Edit

It's a "perfectly" written essay, but it's not the type that will really sway the admissions decision. So, unless you have very good grades, scores, and activities, you should make the essay a little more exciting and interesting. You don't have to change your whole topic. You have a great topic, just make it more lively and touching to read.
eddi@os.dk

By shannon on Thursday, November 14, 2002 - 03:18 pm: Edit

ok, thanks a lot for the advice! I appreciate it