Tater's essay





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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: August 2003 Archive: Tater's essay
By Tater (Tater) on Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 01:42 am: Edit

This is my short essay for UNC chapel hill. The topic is "if you were president for 1 day what poilicy would you impliment? Why?

if you have any ideas or tips, please share.


When I was about twelve years old, I remember walking through the Base Exchange on the Air Force base that I called home. I came across a TV where a solider was talking about military life. He said, “no one joins the military to be rich.” I could only laugh at that idea because I couldn’t have said it better myself.

When you’re the child of an enlisted man you learn that many things in your life become restricted thanks to that statement. Dreams of becoming whatever you want when you grow up become restricted because it is too expensive. When the child’s life is restricted, then that child could grow up to have a child with the same restrictions on their future dreams. One way to reach these dreams is by going to college, but this becomes a problem to many military dependents whose parents work long hours, for low pay, in order to serve and protect their country.

If I were president for one day I would make a policy that would help the children of the active duty men and women. My policy would guarantee every child, of an active duty solider, government aid toward any type of college in United States. As long as the solider has been active for at least fifteen years, then their child will have one fourth of their college expenses paid for by the government. My policy would reward all military families who have dedicated their lives to their country.

By Tater (Tater) on Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 09:28 am: Edit

bump

By Clickspring (Clickspring) on Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 11:21 am: Edit

Look at your grammar. Look out for verb tense changes

By Rashmi (Rashmi) on Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 11:42 am: Edit

I think it would be a better idea to talk about the policy first and then tell your story and then drill the idea home again and end off.
It's just a suggestion.

By Tater (Tater) on Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 03:11 pm: Edit

Rashmi

do you think i should put the 3rd paragraph first.

By Nautical_2000 (Nautical_2000) on Sunday, August 03, 2003 - 03:16 pm: Edit

I agree w/ Rashmi. And also start off w/ a real attention grabbing sentence.

By Rashmi (Rashmi) on Monday, August 04, 2003 - 09:12 am: Edit

Ya something like that...maybe then you'll get the sense of continuity which is missing right now.

By Tater (Tater) on Monday, August 04, 2003 - 11:50 am: Edit

ok, thanks for the help

By Nymom (Nymom) on Monday, August 04, 2003 - 11:58 am: Edit

I think this topic has alot of potential. I'd definitely recommend moving up the last paragraph and writing a catchy first sentence, but I'd also like to read more about your personal experiences as an "army brat." Did you move alot? Was your father ever away for a long time on active duty? Did you live on an army base? How did the experience of growing up in a military family shape your life and that of your friends who had parents in the military? Use this essay as a vehicle to tell the adcom about you.

By Trojan1444 (Trojan1444) on Tuesday, August 05, 2003 - 02:03 am: Edit

Good topic...dull writing. Couldn't it be longer?

By Rashmi (Rashmi) on Tuesday, August 05, 2003 - 05:56 am: Edit

ok Tater..if this a short answer-then the length is fine, but if its not then you should atleast double the size.

By Sid_Mathur (Sid_Mathur) on Friday, August 15, 2003 - 12:28 am: Edit

well, unc is a very liberal school so the fact that your essay is very conservative might actually hurt your chances. I would recommend changing your essay to something more liberal like spending money on something good like public education rather than military. (BTW, im also applyin to unc EA and am doin the same topic)

By Tater (Tater) on Friday, August 15, 2003 - 05:22 pm: Edit

well sid, that doesn't really mean anything, first of all i changed my mind of my short essay and its still conservative, and that fact that unc is liberal means nothing, that won't hurt your chances, plus UNC has plenty of conservatives, including a Young Repulbicans club

By Sid_Mathur (Sid_Mathur) on Saturday, August 16, 2003 - 04:34 pm: Edit

yeah I know about the young republicans club and the young democrats club at unc but I heard that the admissions officers are very liberal as well as the professors and they like to keep the school liberal because it is a really diverse school for the south. Anyways, which long essay topic are u doing?

By Sid_Mathur (Sid_Mathur) on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 03:50 pm: Edit

oh, and check out this link:

http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2003/07/22_politics.shtml

By Sid_Mathur (Sid_Mathur) on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 03:50 pm: Edit

oh, and check out this link:

http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2003/07/22_politics.shtml

By Antithesis (Antithesis) on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 05:30 pm: Edit

In regards to the liberal/conservative slant of the essay, most liberals support government aid for higher education, for the children of military personell or anyone. Just because an essay (or anything) supports the individuals involved with the military, doesn't mean said essay is conservative.
Sarah

By Sid_Mathur (Sid_Mathur) on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 05:54 pm: Edit

oh, and check out this website too Jeremy..it's pretty helpful and gives u a lot of information on universities nationwide

http://www.collegeguide.org/choosing/colleges/

By Tater (Tater) on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 08:23 pm: Edit

Antithesis

thankyou for your statement. I couldn't agree more. My essay is all about helping out military dependents get money for college because most enlisted personal make very little in pay, and the least the government could do is help out the dependents. Sid is an anti military liberal who tries to convert conservatives with liberal propoganda that was written by real liberals. Not little brats who are not affected by government policies.

By Antithesis (Antithesis) on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 04:53 pm: Edit

Tater, you're welcome for the comments, although I chafe a bit at the liberal/conservative name-calling in this thread. Not trying to preach, but unless one is going to Brigham Young or Hampshire, diversity in political ideology is inevitable on college campuses. Liberal or conservative, maturity is a valuable trait to bring to college. Hope this doesn't serve to sustain the argument.
Sarah

By Sid_Mathur (Sid_Mathur) on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 06:23 pm: Edit

thanks for your comment sarah. Hopefully Tater will change after he goes to college and has to interact with different races. Me and Tater actually know each other personally and were having a normal conversation on AIM and I was telling him how I think the government spends too much on military and should spend more on things like public education and he got offended and started cussing and blocked me (typical narrow-minded conservative that doesn't respect others opinions that differ from their own).

But anyways, all schools have some diversity in them but I was just trying to help out Tater in choosing the right school since hes very right wing, and the student body of NC State is very Conservative so he might prefer the environment there over the very liberal environment at UNC.

Hopefully Tater won't start another argument in response to this because that's not my intent.
Thanks

By A87 (A87) on Tuesday, August 19, 2003 - 09:39 pm: Edit

"My policy would guarantee every child, of an active duty solider, government aid toward any type of college in United States."

Sentence could be improved.

Also, try not to sound too Miss America-ish.

By Tater (Tater) on Tuesday, August 19, 2003 - 11:41 pm: Edit

thanks everyone for the advice, but i started this topic before school started, and well now school has started and i've already had my english teacher critique this essay. So if you could, let this topic die.


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