Steffie1212002's essay!





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Discus: College Admissions: 2002 - 2003 Archive: August 2003 Archive: Steffie1212002's essay!
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By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 08:24 pm: Edit

This is my personal statement for Harvard EA. I plan to be a journalism major, so this needs to be really, really good.

I am particularly interested in if it actually makes sense, what kind of light it portrays me in, and the overall quality. Thanks again.


I was a “Yes” student.

I barked back what teachers said; I polished enough apples to make Johnny Appleseed proud; I sat with my eyes glazed, agreeing with all of Professor Humperdink’s views on the universe. Polite, prepared, and punctual, I was a teacher’s dream.

That is, until I wrote 200 words that nearly derailed my life.

It started in sophomore year, when my editor at the San Diego Reader, a slightly off-the-wall weekly newspaper, assigned me a short article, “What I hate most about school.” Honestly, I didn’t hate anything, but I was annoyed with the deteriorating buildings, the silly campaigns to “save the grass,” and the teachers who nearly ran me down in the parking lot at the end of the day. I sounded disgruntled perhaps, but not maliciously so, and certainly funny, which is exactly what my editor wanted.

A year passed. One mundane Monday, the school psychologist approached me and seemed overly concerned about my mental health. Astonished, I brushed her off. Soon I discovered, though, that my long-forgotten article, crammed between ads for male breast reduction and laser hair zapping, had been photocopied -- out of context-- and put into every teacher’s mailbox. No one was laughing.

Alas, all those home-baked goodies lovingly presented on Teacher Appreciation days…how easily they forget. Lessons were postponed, fetal pigs rotted, and the much-anticipated P.E. dodge ball finals halted because of the tainted article. Just as students learned that the Battle of Hastings took place in 1066, that week they learned that Stephanie was a traitor to her school, a Benedict Arnold fully armed with a 40-pound backpack.

Odd. The kid who loved to answer every question, every problem, every conundrum thrown her way, had now become the questioner herself.

Sometimes lessons learned are not the ones taught in the classroom. That not-so-mundane Monday I finally saw my teachers as real people, only too willing to share their hatreds and prejudices with others, especially captive students in their classroom. I saw teenagers and adults reverse their roles, with people twice my age behaving just as puerile as I would have expected my peers. Alliances were formed, and total strangers took it upon themselves to openly criticize my work, my integrity, and me. Forgotten was all the effort I had put into my life at school, and all the contributions I had made in the past. 200 words were to be my ultimate legacy.

And so, in one small, not-so-very quiet moment, the “Yes” student was transformed.

I know now that the answers I seek are often far more intricate than what are first revealed. Truth can be told and distorted in countless ways; unwavering loyalty to anything and anyone can often be misplaced. How much of my own learning and blind acceptance may have also gone astray, lost to misquotations, out-of-context citations, and unfair paraphrasing?

If this incident has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to look at the world with rather squinted eyes, and not to accept what I see unquestionably. Truth, reality and fabrication get mixed into a multiplicity of shades and a thousand nuances of meaning. Hate and prejudice can come from the most surprising of places, while sorting everything out can be as difficult as watching a hummingbird beat it’s wings.

I know now that my halo is not all white, nor my pitchfork all black, despite the broadness of the brushstrokes that I have been painted. To tell the truth, I’m not quite sure what I am. But I can say one thing.

I am no longer a “Yes” student.


Word count: 598 (I know it's over!)

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 08:48 pm: Edit

I like it... just a few tidbits that you might double-check.

One mundane Monday
That not-so-mundane Monday


You must really like that expression :)

Alas, all those home-baked goodies lovingly presented on Teacher Appreciation days…how easily they forget.

Rather ackward sentence.

behaving just as puerile as I would have expected my peers.

just as puerile?

and not to accept what I see unquestionably.

see unquestionably or accept unquestionably?

watching a hummingbird beat it’s wings.

it is wings?

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 09:07 pm: Edit

200 words and 40-pound backpack.

You may want to spell the numbers out. Just for emphasis!

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 09:12 pm: Edit

The metamorphosis of the studious caterpillar :)

By Marthpodi (Marthpodi) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 09:34 pm: Edit

I agree that this sentence needs a little tweaking:

I saw teenagers and adults reverse their roles, with people twice my age behaving just as puerile as I would have expected my peers.

By Serene (Serene) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 09:52 pm: Edit

Great essay. Good voice.
Tune it down a little bit, esp. the part "I finally saw my teachers as real people, only too willing to share their hatreds and prejudices with others, especially captive students in their classroom." Your teachers can't be that bad. Real people aren't willing to share hatred/prejudices, they usually do so without even knowing.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 10:16 pm: Edit

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'll work on tweaking those problem areas.

Overall, do you think it's Harvard worthy? And also, did you laugh at the few humourous bits i put in, or were they just stupid? Thanks

By Thedad (Thedad) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 10:42 pm: Edit

Comments on the comments:

Don't spell out the numbers; you've used correct style (Chicago et alia).

The word "puerile" is wrong. It's a shade of connotation and I'll need to think a bit why. "Juvenile" works better. First guess is that it's usually behavior that's described as puerile, not people...as I said, I need to think on the "why" of this.

By Magicdragonfly (Magicdragonfly) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 11:06 pm: Edit

but:
"I saw teenagers and adults reverse their roles, with people twice my age behaving just as puerile as I would have expected my peers."
...behaving just as puerile..so..it is describing behavior..it does sound a bit off though- but that might not be the word really..maybe the syntax or something..i'm not really looking @ it closely tho
and- great essay by the way.
Take this with a grain of salt because I'm not exactly an expert, and I *know* you know much more than me on the subject(or I'd think so anyway)- but some of the grammar, even though it is correct, seems a bit awkward, as if maybe it could be better put a bit differently..I can't quite explain..and it's probably just my own...taste in writing..lol..and..no..that doesn't include ellipses all over the place..not in real writing..heh

By Sac (Sac) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 11:41 pm: Edit

Hmmm...I think I'll respond to your original question about what kind of light this casts you in. But first, let me say that you write extremely well and you have a wonderful voice.

But aside from your writing style, this is what I take away from your essay: this high school student wrote something sarcastic about the school not because she(or he) really disliked the school but because some editor would publish it if she (or he) were flippant enough. She (or he) was shocked teachers took offense. Does this cast doubts about the teachers' maturity or the student's? What will this student write in the campus newspaper about teachers at Harvard?

Please don't get me wrong. I'm trying to be helpful, and I'd love to see a student who writes as well as you do get into a good school. But I'm afraid you might be shooting yourself in the foot with this. I think a cardinal rule of writing the college essay is don't criticize your teachers. Suggestions? If you use this episode, maybe you could be more concrete about why you were so suprised by their response. Maybe you could emphasize what your real intentions were. Maybe you could describe how you felt if a favorite, wonderful teacher took it the wrong way and how you explained your intentions to that teacher. Maybe you could talk about how you discovered that appearing in print has the power to wound and why that might make you a better, more responsible journalist... anything but a conclusion that your teachers were puerile because their feelings were hurt... Maybe you can find some other way of talking about what it's meant to you to write for a community newspaper and discover -- for better or worse -- that people really pay attention to what you write and so you better get it correct.
By the way, I'm a journalist. (Does Harvard really have a journalism major, by the way? I don't think they even have a journalism department. Not to say that you have to major in journalism as an undergraduate to become a journalist. In fact, I wouldn't even recommend an undergraduate journalism major. I would recommend writing for the campus paper.)
Sorry to take a contrarian view from the others here. You do write exceptionally well. Good luck.

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 11:45 pm: Edit

The word "puerile" is wrong. I need to think on the "why" of this.

Maybe because puerile is not an adverb :) You can't behave puerile or juvenile!

Oh by the way,TheDad, and IMHO puerile refer the behavior of a child, juvenile refers to the behavior of someone young. In this case, puerile works well against "adult" behavior.

Regarding the numbers, I thought that spelling the words would add emphasis on the insignificance of 200 words and compare that to what happened to her. But, that is just me.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 11:57 pm: Edit

Thanks again for the critiques, guys. It's helping a lot.

Regarding Sac's comment:
That was my original concern. I tried to find a way to express that the abuse I suffered was SO overblown compared to the significance of the article (nearly traumatized me), but also changed me as a person.

I also wrote the article (would it help if i posted it? I might be able to find it) humorously, not maliciously. Should I explain that somewhere? It's just that it's already too long...

By Thedad (Thedad) on Wednesday, July 23, 2003 - 11:57 pm: Edit

Xiggi, comes of me reading too fast. I "translated" it as "the teachers were as puerile as the students,"
not "behaving as puerile as the students."

I gave the essay itself a quick glance and the word "puerile" just gave me a slight kick in the head.

I think some of Sac's comments bear thinking about. It's one of the better essays I've read but maybe the epiphany needs to be framed in a way that you come across in a more positive light.

Otoh, should I be encouraging you to become a spin doctor?

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:07 am: Edit

Should I take out the paragraph where i talk about how the teachers behaved like shmucks, etc?

This is something I really would like to write about. It was my Holden Caufield moment, and I don't think I could write about anything different.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:26 am: Edit

I corrected offensive paragraph:

"Sometimes lessons learned are not the ones taught in the classroom. That not-so-mundane Monday I finally saw my teachers as real people, complete with insecurities and prejudices. I saw teenagers and adults reverse their roles. Alliances were formed, and total strangers took it upon themselves to openly criticize my work, my integrity, and me. Forgotten was all the effort I had put into my life at school, and all the contributions I had made in the past. 200 words were to be my ultimate legacy."

Is this kinder and gentler?

By Sac (Sac) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:28 am: Edit

Yes, Thedad, you should. If a college essay isn't spin, I don't know what is.

Steffie, if you go with this topic I think you might attach the article to your application if you think it vindicates your view that it's funny and not malicious. You have more room in the essay than you think, it just involves being ruthless with some of the language that is nice but repetitive. Being ruthless with your own prose does get easier with age, I assure you, but it's never too early to start. I think what I had in mind, though, is a rethinking of how you frame this. Is it an essay about how you just wrote a funny article and all the adults at the school were too immature to appreciate your sense of humor? Or is it about how you changed as a person? If so, how did you change beyond becoming more cynical? I'm not trying to tell you what you should think about what was obviously a really difficult situation, going from a student who was probably everyone's darling, to one who was seen as having stabbed the school in the back. But isn't it because you were such a good, accomodating student, that it might have hurt so much that you wrote what you did? Did you talk to a teacher about it? You don't come across as having any empathy at all with their perspective. Wasn't there a single adult who thought it was funny or at least understood what you were trying to do?

I knew a student who wrote for his college newspaper and uncovered a scandal. In the wake of his article, one of the people he wrote about committed suicide. His article was right. Yet he really wrestled with his future in journalism and the awesome responsibility he'd taken on without fully realizing it. I'm not comparing your situation with his, except to say that if you go with this topic you should dig deeper into their hurt and yours. They come across as thin skinned but, in this version, so do you, categorizing their reactions with words like hate and prejudice. (And I think that journalists do tend to be thin-skinned, in spite of what we dish out to the people we write about).
I'd put it aside for a while. Then maybe get another adult or two to react to it. Again, I'm giving you an impression I think you might get from an admissions committee. Hope you see it as helpful.

By Sirmoreau (Sirmoreau) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:28 am: Edit

It's gentle and soothing to the soul.

By Anothernycdad (Anothernycdad) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:33 am: Edit

A quick read leaves me with a sense of a bitter person; missed the humor (although attempts are evident) and humor is really tough to pull off.

Makes me wonder what your stats are, and if very good, think you might do yourself in with this essay.

Are you a likeable person to have around; will you be a positive force in the student body as a whole? A Harvard adcom probably has plenty of wordsmithies, but who is this person behind the essay? An unknown quantity - who is no longer a Yes person, but lashing out...

Everybody else seems to like this for the most part, but I am dubious; don't mean to be harsh, but I don't get it. Maybe it's me....

PS Be sure to do your homework; Harvard doesn't have a journalism major.

By Sac (Sac) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:41 am: Edit

Listen to anothernycdad and think about what you want to accomplish with this essay. This is your chance to tell the adcom who you are as a person, not how awful your school was to you. You might save your need to deal with this obviously traumatic moment in your life for an essay in a literary review, or even in the Harvard Lampoon.
As to the Holden Caufield moment -- he got tossed out of a lot of schools. Would anyone let him into Harvard?

By Xiggi (Xiggi) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:50 am: Edit

Tough crowd to please :(

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:18 am: Edit

Okay guys, I get it. It's back to the drawing board. Actually, I'm going to rewrite the essay, but from a different focus, a more positive one. I don't want to risk sounding like a cynical biotch to the adcoms.

Thanks for the unrestrained, unbridled criticisms. They really motivated me to rethink this essay.

There'll be another revision coming soon -- I hope you'll read it.

By Sac (Sac) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:22 am: Edit

Great. Being able to take criticism is a true sign of a promising writer.

By Libroschico (Libroschico) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:37 am: Edit

Steffie, I think that you should stick with what you have. I had a similar event happen to me and I sympathize with your plight. I see a real person behind your essay, which is more than I can say about a lot of college admissions essays I've read. My question to you is: will this event possibly come up in recommendations that are being sent from your high school? If so, it is absolutely essential that you tell your side of the story and hope that the adcoms weigh your admission on your academic merits. If not, tell the story anyway; you did an excellent job of presenting it in a positive light. I'm sorry to hear about your teachers. The ones at my HS are every bit as gossipy and malicious as the students. It's a shame.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 01:46 am: Edit

Librschico,

It probably won't, at least not in the teacher recs. It might in the counselor rec, but I doubt it.

I wrote it more because I thought this would show more of me as a person, but apparently I was showing the wrong side of myself. I just didnt want to write an essay on how I won the big game, how my mom is my hero, or how my day at the Habitat for Humanity made me care about poor people.

I guess you always run a risk when you try to do something different.

By Thedad (Thedad) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 02:07 am: Edit

Sac, I have a couple of admonitions for writers new to my workshop: First, you must learn to take criticism. Then, you must learn what criticism not to take.

Steffie, I think your instincts are essentially sound with respect to topic. Think of doing a second draft not of prose, but of concept.

By Sac (Sac) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 12:42 pm: Edit

I'm on my way out of town, but I do want to correct any impression I might have left that I'm encouraging a student not to try something different. Steffie is such a good writer, that I know she will do something different and creative whether it's this topic or not. (Steffie, please don't write about how you won the big game, instead.) I'm also not suggesting she fake a life lesson she didn't learn from this incident. What I am trying to encourage -- and I know she got this message -- is that she think about her audience. She's not writing this for the newspaper, or to defend herself at her school, but for an adcom committee wondering whether she's a person they'd like to meet and have spend four years on campus. Her school's institutional ego was bruised by her article. I'm suggesting Harvard might have a little institutional ego, too, and wonder why they should have to open their gates to someone whose wonderful sarcastic humor might very well be trained on them. If the only life lesson she learned from the incident is that teachers can be creeps, maybe she should pick some other episode to tell Harvard about.
Steffie, would it help to think about how you dealt with the school's reaction? Not just how you felt about it (misunderstood, unfairly tarnished) but details of what you did to deal with it? If you were more mature in handling this than the school, and that's what you want us to get out of this, at least show us that.
I guess the line that jumps out at me is the one about how total strangers took it upon themselves to openly criticize your work, integrity, and you. My reaction is that appearing in print does, in fact, open you up to this. Hostility as well as praise, challenges to everything from your facts to your right to appear in print at all. Just read the letters to the newspapers. Why was this a surprise? Maybe it is the power of print that came as a surprise, how it can magnify or distort or enrage or engage.... If it is about learning to challenge your teachers, then I hope it's more about challenging them intellectually -- freeing you to speak up in class and question ideas and the effect this has on your education -- rather than about challenging them because they've hurt your feelings (after you baked them all those cookies, too) and now you don't care what they think.
Sorry for the rant. I may be completely off-base, which is why I suggested putting it aside for a while and then showing it to a few more adults.
Thedad, here's what the poet who leads my writing workshop says about criticism: Take what's useful. On the other hand, if five of the eight or ten people in the room all point out the same problem, maybe you should take a serious look at that line.

By O71394658 (O71394658) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 05:05 pm: Edit

Great critiqing here.

To add another comment, your writing is very good. I'm not going to reiterate what others have said, but to simply add one more thing: you should never have an "empihany" in your essays. It's all too common, and is very hard to believe. Changing the wording might be necessary.

By Anothernycdad (Anothernycdad) on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 06:36 pm: Edit

I'm with Sac on this.

There may be some positive lessons here, but they'll have to be yours; from the law of unintended consequences to reacting to pain and embarrassment with a bit of anger/bitterness, to dangers of humor and sarcasm, and others.

or what drives your humor and/or sarcasm?

You can tell a story - that's evident. As others have said, keep your eye on the goal

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 07:19 pm: Edit

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who critiqued my essay last time. I've spent a few days thinking this over, and now, it's less cynical, and hopefully portrays me in a better light. I kept the beginning the same (I like how it unfolds like a story), but it's different middle-end. Please let me know what you think.

I was a “Yes” student.

I barked back what teachers said; I polished enough apples to make Johnny Appleseed proud; I sat with my eyes glazed, agreeing with all of Mr. Humperdink’s views on the universe. Polite, prepared, and punctual, I was a teacher’s dream.

That is, until I wrote 200 words that nearly derailed my life.

It started sophomore year, when my editor at the San Diego Reader, a slightly off-the-wall community newspaper, assigned me a short article, “What I hate most about school.” Honestly, I didn’t hate anything. In fact, I love school, and I’ve always had the greatest of respect for educators. However, I was annoyed with the deteriorating buildings, the silly campaigns to “save the grass,” and the teachers who nearly ran me down in the parking lot at the end of the day. I thought it sounded quite funny.

A year passed. One mundane Monday, the school psychologist approached me and seemed overly concerned about my mental health. Astonished, I brushed her off. Soon I discovered, though, that my long-forgotten article, crammed between ads for male breast reduction and laser hair zapping, had been photocopied -- out of context-- and put into every teacher’s mailbox. Few were laughing.

Alas, all those home-baked goodies lovingly presented on Teacher Appreciation days…how easily they forget. Lessons were postponed, fetal pigs rotted, and the much-anticipated P.E. dodge ball finals halted because of the tainted article. Just as students learned that the Battle of Hastings took place in 1066, that week they learned that Stephanie was a traitor to her school, a Benedict Arnold fully armed with a 40-pound backpack.

Sometimes lessons learned are not the ones taught in the classroom. That Monday I finally saw my teachers as real people, complete with insecurities and egos that my pen was piercing. Forgotten was all the effort I had put into my life at school, and all the contributions I had made in the past. 200 words were to be my ultimate legacy.

And so, in one small, not-so-very quiet moment, the “Yes” student was transformed.

I know now that I went too far. With 200 words and an excess of writer’s exaggeration, I painted all my teachers – and the school – with one great swath of color. Without ever intending harm, I came across as a snotty, flippant know-it-all. The sting was felt far more intensely because I wasn’t a disgruntled student; indeed, until that moment I was considered a happy, well-adjusted one.

I never thought that those words I had carelessly penned could have such an impact; though that week was one of the hardest of my life, it was also one of the most eye opening. I realize now that truth, reality, and fabrication can get mixed into a multiplicity of shades and a thousand nuances of meaning. It is my job as a journalist not to further this confusion, but to help elucidate the truth.

But that doesn’t mean my questioning has stopped. My role is not to be an echo or a reflection of those around me. Thinking for myself is far more of a burden, but it is one that I must embrace. I had my first taste of it during that jumbled week at school – where the hate and criticism of my detractors vied with the compassion and loyalty of my defenders. Who stood where often surprised me. Sorting it all out, at times, became as difficult as watching a hummingbird beat its wings.

I know now that, like most people, my halo is not all white, nor my pitchfork all black. Of course, I’m more responsible and careful. I don’t write any more “Hate” articles. Oh, and one other thing…

I am no longer a “Yes” student.

By Clickspring (Clickspring) on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 07:28 pm: Edit

I'd eliminate the contractions.

By Coles (Coles) on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 08:05 pm: Edit

I liked your essay a lot. From someone reading it that doesn't know you at all the '200 words' are a little vague; I might elaborate a little more to shed some light on what you wrote and why it offended people. I didn't like this sentence either:
I realize now that truth, reality, and fabrication can get mixed into a multiplicity of shades and a thousand nuances of meaning
Overall I thought the essay was good though.

By L1censet0k1ll (L1censet0k1ll) on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 08:51 pm: Edit

are you sure that's not too racy? but on the other hand, i like your essay very much

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 12:54 am: Edit

Thanks for the feedback!

Clickspring: I think for college essays, informal style is okay

Coles: Are you sure 200 words is vague? In the intro i talked all about being assigned a short article called "Why I hate school." An article putting the school in a less than positive light would offend people, neh?

Licenserok1: I dunno. Thanks.

By Supernova (Supernova) on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 02:39 pm: Edit

I would delete the part in the middle where you said the 'yes student was transformed' and use something else for "yes student" b/c it takes away from the effectiveness of the last sentence...

nice essay though i like the sarcasm

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 07:34 pm: Edit

Supernova:
Sarcasm? Er, I don't think that was intentional! Where is it?

Damn me and my sarcastic voice.....

By Sheeprun (Sheeprun) on Sunday, July 27, 2003 - 09:46 pm: Edit

Please keep your essay in ONE thread. Thank you.

<moderator>

By Sac (Sac) on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 02:06 pm: Edit

Steffie,
You did an amazing rewrite job on this essay. Many a veteran writer couldn't have accomplished this, let alone someone your age. So many beginning writers sit down at the keyboard, wait for the muse to speak, and then regard the words on the page as carved in stone. Having already learned the value of rewriting and editing, you will make a wonderful writer.
What I especially like is how you come across in this version -- the maturity of acknowledging that you probably did go too far, the empathy with teachers who were hurt because you painted them all one way, as well as the surprise at the storm you created. Now I'm going to admit that I was the one who was wrong in thinking you couldn't pull this topic off without doing yourself more harm than good.
I'm not going to line edit. What I'd suggest at this point is you work more on the ending. It feels at the moment as if it's pulling the reader two directions. Where do you want us to end up? I think your instinct, that having started with the thought about being a yes student means you should get back to that is probably correct. But I think that requires more explanation. Maybe the lesson about being a responsible journalist might be cut back or even cut out, because it comes off as a little pat anyway.
Then, I'd suggest you go through and look for cliches and for mixed metaphors. (White halo? Black pitchfork?). The only thing I don't get at this point is the fetal pigs rotting. Biology class?
This essay is going to stand out a mile, and for the right reasons. Good luck.

By Steffie1212002 (Steffie1212002) on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 01:41 am: Edit

Sac: Thanks so much for your input. It's really helped me create a more mature -- to say nothing of less offensive -- essay.

Actually, thanks to everyone who's taken time to look at my lil ole essay! I don't have a writing coach or anything like that, so I've kind of been on my own for this.

Luckily, CC has helped fill this void! :D

By Thedad (Thedad) on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 02:16 am: Edit

I'll echo Sac's sentiments. Nice rewrite. I'll take another look when I've had some sleep and see if anything leaps out. :)

By Cmaher (Cmaher) on Monday, August 04, 2003 - 01:57 pm: Edit

it seems like you are making a big deal about nothing

By Surfinpenguin44 (Surfinpenguin44) on Monday, August 04, 2003 - 10:50 pm: Edit

WOW awesome essay Though i agree w/ sac make sure you put the right oint across. Are you a "yes tudent" or a responsible trustworthy student. Contradicting yourself at the end of your essay leaves me and Im sure also the adcom confused on what your trying to get across. Other then that spectacular essay I haven't read an extravagant piece of art from a student in a while. Where ever you go you will out shine everyone else with your sarcasim, voice, and detail. Good luck!


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