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What is maturity, anyway? My parents don't think I'm "mature" enough to go away to college. A lot of the schools I'm interested in are away from home. However, they want me as close to home as possible. So much so they want to put me in a nearby Catholic school, even though I am not at all religious and have a distaste for conservative envioronments. They say I learn better with smaller classes, and that I'll still need their support. Even if I tend to be a little "immature", I'm confident enough that I will adapt to whatver environment I am put into. Afterall, that is how you learn. I don't want to waste two years STILL being so dependent on my parents and overprotected. I'm so frustrated! Are they overacting, or could it be that I really am not ready for a bigger college further away from home? Is there such a thing as not being "mature" enough?

By Coureur (Coureur) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 12:12 am: Edit

It would be helpful to know more about what your parents mean by immature. Immature in what way? What are some examples of your immaturity that your parents give?

By Celebrian23 (Celebrian23) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 10:15 am: Edit

MY parents don't want to go far away from school becuase i can't cook and i don't how to wash laundry, that's why my parents think i'm immature

By Harpgirl27 (Harpgirl27) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 10:33 am: Edit

funny thing is I never did a load of laundry in my life before coming to college. I'm studying across the continent, in a different country even. And I figured out laundry okay.

and if you stay in a dorm, no worries about cooking. Most college students survive on spaghetti, pizza, and macaroni and cheese anyway ;)

I suspect that your parents definition of immaturity runs a little deeper than that....but I could be wrong. They could just not want you to go far away from home, and are using immaturity as an excuse to keep you close. However you admitted to being a little "immature"...in what ways?

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 11:30 am: Edit

Celebrian,
If those truly are your parents reasons, all you'd need to do to prove your maturity is to start cooking and doing your laundry. To learn to cook, just follow directions in a cookbook. Laundry is easy: Just have your parents show you or read the directions on the machine. My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were 10.

Are there other reasons your parents think you're immature? Hard to believe that the reasons you cited were their only ones.

By Celebrian23 (Celebrian23) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 11:34 am: Edit

well me and my sister (she's in college) are very different, so i get compared to her a lot, i mean she might have the initiative to cook, but i've been very unsuccesful to say the least, but when it comes down to it, i really wanted to get my temps at 15.5 yearss but my parents said i couldn't, so i complained about it for 6 months, becuase i couldn't go on class field trips becuase you hadd to drive yourself, and i couldn't drive and i live to far away to get a ride off my friends

By Bluealien01 (Bluealien01) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 02:08 pm: Edit

What is a "temps"???

By Celebrian23 (Celebrian23) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 02:33 pm: Edit

temporary license

By Macramequeen (Macramequeen) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 02:59 pm: Edit

I think my parents refer to my lack of maturity in a more deeper context... I guess they mean... keeping up with the college load-hence they want me to be close to home at a small school. But still, I think I will adapt and will be able to manage. I have had problems with my classes in high school, and I haven't received the best grades but I don't think that living at home and going to a privatecollege (against my will) will help me "mature" as a person. Anyway, I am also a guilty not being able to cook, but isn't everyone. Isn't everyone immature, maybe even in more than one way, when they first enter college?

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 03:18 pm: Edit

Mac,
What do you mean "have had problems with my classes in high school"? If you mean that you've been getting things like Ds on your report cards or progress reports and/or if you've managed to get decent grades only because your parents had to police your study habits, then I agree with your parents that it would be a good idea to live at home and go to college nearby.

To be successful in college requires a great deal of responsibility and maturity. Students who are ready to go away to college demonstrate these abilities in h.s. Even for them, however, the demands of college, including the freedom, can make it hard to be organized.

IMO it's unlikely that someone who has organizational and motivational problems now will go to college and buckle down. There are too many temptations.

My suggestion would be to work out an arrangement with your parents that you go to the nearby college while living at home, and if you are able to maintain a "B" average without your parents' having to police you, that you get to transfer after your freshman year.

By Macramequeen (Macramequeen) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 08:42 pm: Edit

Thank you for your responses, by the way. Obviously, I know that I don't know everything I need to know to be on my own yet, but at the same time I'm not really worried about it. Maybe that isn't necessarily a good thing, but that's how I feel. I guess that right there displays my immaturity. Northstarmom, do you have kids in college? If so, did you feel that they were mature enough when they went? I think you make a good point, a kid will not suddenly buckle down in college if they already have organizational/motivational problems. I guess it's hard for me to admit that I fall under that category. Maybe my parents are right... I just feel bad about being a late-bloomer.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Monday, September 27, 2004 - 10:05 pm: Edit

Mac,
I have 2 kids, a h.s. junior and a 20-year-old. Although my 20-year-old is brilliant, he never worked academically in h.s. and graduated with just a 2.9.

We allowed him to go 1,000 miles away to college because he said he hated our area of the country, and wanted to return to a region where we used to live. He lasted 1 year in college there. Despite being one of their top entering freshmen, and getting virtually a few ride (due to a nonathletic EC in which he was exceptionally strong), he had one of the lowest gpas I have never seen. That's because he spent all of his time in ECs (including one very productive, serious one, but he got no course credit for it) and fooling around.

Meanwhile, his best friend in our city was another guy who was brilliant but didn't believe in studying in school. Although he was accepted to 4-year out of state colleges, his parents insisted that he live at home and go to our local community college.

At the time, I thought that his parents were being narrow minded. However, now the same young man is at our state's flagship and has an honors average and is planning to go to law school next year. My son is not in school and is living far a way with a relative and working a clerical job that pays $10 an hour.

In retrospect, I think that I should have done with my S's friend's parents did and made my son go to a nearby college until he demonstrated the maturity to live responsibly on his own.

Meanwhile, there's nothing for you to feel bad about in terms of being a late bloomer. You still are very young, and can get solidly on track. Spending an extra year or two at home can give you the time and the wings to do that.

By Ellemenope (Ellemenope) on Tuesday, September 28, 2004 - 01:33 pm: Edit

A cautionary tale, Northstarmom. But then John Steinbeck dropped out of Stanford when he figured that Stanford had taught him all they could about writing. He took menial jobs, while honing his craft and getting material for his later writings. Perhaps your son will be the next--who knows?

By Jamimom (Jamimom) on Tuesday, September 28, 2004 - 05:11 pm: Edit

Thanks for sharing your experience, Northstarmom. I think it was great that you gave your son the opportunity to try out what he wanted. It was a possibility that it could have worked out. That it did not, does not make it a bad decision to have made. I have seen top students from highschool flunk out of college as well because they are not mature enough to handle all of the freedom and temptations that come their way, whereas they had lived more micro managed lives in highschool.

We did not believe S1 would get through college. We were sure he would be back within the first year, but he did manage to stick it out and get through in 4 years, defying our predictions. Not that he is any more mature in other areas--we had a summer of hell with him because of this.

But with the cost of college what it is, I do not wonder why parents are concerned about the maturity of their students. Anyone investing that kind of money into anything should be carefully looking at all factors of the investment and if it is too risky in any aspect for someone, there are other alternatives. It is up to the student to show certain signs of academic life and maturity.

By Demingy (Demingy) on Tuesday, September 28, 2004 - 06:06 pm: Edit

Macramequeen-

Maybe you should sit down with your parents and let them know what you'd like to do. Be specific and let them know what kinds of goals you have, why you want to go out of state, etc. Then you should let them know that you acknowledge that they feel you aren't mature enough to go "away" to college and ask them what you can do. I think that even this gesture could help your parents see that you want to be more mature.

Of course you will have to take their suggestions to heart. If you don't want to follow through, then you will have to deal with the consequences.

Before you do this though, please be honest with yourself. Do you truly believe that you could handle being more independent or do you believe that you want it enough to put in a real effort to make it happen? As mentioned in some of the posts above, you are not alone if you find that you aren't mature enough (yet) to move away from home, and that's okay.

If you have to spend a couple more years at home before you can handle independence then that is much better than the alternatives. I've known some people who rushed to gain their independence and found themselves in serious trouble because they weren't mature enough to be on their own. I can't help but wonder what they could have accomplished with their lives if they had decided to take the extra time needed to mature.

By Macramequeen (Macramequeen) on Friday, October 01, 2004 - 02:50 pm: Edit

I've definitely matured academically and in my overall behavior gradually over the past year or so. I guess I don't see myself as immature, but I don't really see myself as mature either. I think I am progressing to a stable level of competency, but what's holding me back is a low I hit during my high school career that I am still in the process of recovering from. I think I now feel that if it takes a little more time for things to pan out for me, than that is ok. That never crossed my mind before. It seems like everyone else is applying to the big-huge-cool-awesome-full-blown-4-year universities far away from home just because they can. Afterall, it's "their time to go". I thought it HAD to be my time, too. But that's not really what matters. Going somewhere is important, but I have to do it the RIGHT way, according to what is right for ME. Thank you guys for illustrating this. This has probably been one of the most beneficial CollegeConfidential threads for me, because I've considered what you all have said and I realize now, I need to approach my college selection differently. College selection depends ONLY on the individual.

By Demingy (Demingy) on Friday, October 01, 2004 - 03:20 pm: Edit

Now THAT is a very mature realization.

If you ever need support, feel free to contact me. I had to do a VERY untraditional route for college, so I know what it is like to have to find your own path while you are watching everyone else do what is considered "the college experience".

You are absolutely right, college selection does depend ONLY on the individual (as far as this is concerned). Good Luck!

By Texas137 (Texas137) on Friday, October 01, 2004 - 03:28 pm: Edit

Macramequeen - I suspect this has nothing to do with cooking and laundry. You mom can show you how to use the washer in about 10 minutes. And even if you could cook, you'll be eating dorm food and won't have access to a kitchen. I'm willing to bet that there are lots of kids (esp boys) who arrive at college having never dealt with laundry or cooking, but somehow they all survive.

Are you graduating at an unusually early age? If you are graduating a year or two younger than your classmates, I could see that your parents might want you to be in a more supportive environment for the first year or so. But even then, you should be able to agree on some smallish college close enough to visit on week-ends, but not so close that you would be living at home. Come up with some suggestions of specific schools that have the qualities you think they want for you, but are in different towns. Read Lauren Pope's "Colleges that Change Lives" for some ideas of things to look for.

By Justplayin104 (Justplayin104) on Saturday, October 02, 2004 - 09:15 pm: Edit

From what I've seen here at college, 95+% of the freshmen are immature. They're obnxious and obscene. Even if you -are- legitimately too immature in your parents minds, then you'd still fit right in.