How many ____students does it take to change a lightbulb?





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Discus: College Search and Selection: March 2004 Archive: How many ____students does it take to change a lightbulb?
By Lmsgoodgirl (Lmsgoodgirl) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 05:44 pm: Edit

Hey guys...I'm not trying to go after any one school here but I found this and I couldn't resist. No offense meant to anyone. Just wanted to share with everyone...its pretty funny and a lot of them have a grain of truth!
How many ______ students does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Princeton students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.

How many Brown students does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven: one to change the light bulb and ten to share the experience.

How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a light bulb?
None: Hanover doesn't have electricity.

How many Cornell students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the light bulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many Penn students does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy-six: one to change the light bulb, fifty to protset the light bulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many Yale students does it take to change a light bulb?
None: New Haven looks better in the dark.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

How many MIT students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked light bulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.

How many Vassar students does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven: one to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation.

How many Middlebury students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: one to change to light bulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew outfit for the occasion.

How many Wellesley students does it take to change a light bulb?
The whole student body; girls can't do anything right.

How many Stanford students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, dude.

How many Oberlin students does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

How many Georgetown students does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.

How many Lehigh students does it take to change a light bulb?
A whole frat, but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket.

How many Hamilton students does it take to change a light bulb?
The whole student body: when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do.

How many Tufts students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the light bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student.

How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: one to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.

How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight: it's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress.

How many Mount Holyoke students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: she calls a Smithie to do it.

How many Smith students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: all you need it one hot woman and you'll never have a heterosexual light bulb again.

How many Boston University students does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.

How many Amherst students does it take to change a light bulb?
Thirteen: one to change the bulb and an a capella group to immortalize the event in song.

How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a light bulb?
Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know, military-industrial complex and all that.

How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the light bulb wouldn't go out.

How many Bucknell students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: but he'll only change it if he can put in a white light bulb.

How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in.

How many Bard students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.

How many Boston College students does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven: one to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

How many Reed students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform Birkenstocks

If your school got knocked (yeah mine did) no worries...so did everyone elses. Feel free to add more if you can think of them

By Usunkmyb_Ship (Usunkmyb_Ship) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 06:05 pm: Edit

why did i find the wellesley one funny?:) heh there should be more of these

By Txtaximom (Txtaximom) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 06:49 pm: Edit

UVa....four. One to change the bulb and three to talk about how good the old one was.

At least that's how they used to rib us.

By Kinshasa (Kinshasa) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 06:50 pm: Edit

I read this a few months ago on one board, and it was so funny I saved it. What would happen if Jesus applied to college? Sorry if you've seen it before...

As an admission officer at High Selectivity U, I have had an opportunity to review the admissions packet for this applicant named Jesus and here is what I found and my recommendations to the rest of the committee:

He didn't report a GPA and appears to be home schooled. His father is just a carpenter (although he is claiming a second father; apparently there is some dispute) and his mother is just listed as a "Virgin" (I wonder if anyone has explained to him the facts of life). Also, he is from an area where most people are illiterate and thus I question whether he could have received the necessary training in the core courses (although he is claiming some personal involvment in the creation of Christian history). He seems to have no knowledge of the ancient Greeks, never read Homer, and asserts the world actually began with Adam and Eve. Nevertheless, he appears to be well-read in the scriptures and does seem to be able to cite chapter and verse. Also, he appears to be a compelling speaker who has stood often before the masses to present his ideas on the meaning of the scriptures. So he obviously has been able to overcome his less than stellar upbringing.

His test scores are excellent, perfect in fact, but there may be a scandal lurking as he was accused by some Philistines of knowing the questions and answers before starting the test. He professed that it is just his uncanny ability to see the future. As no direct proof of actual cheating could be found, the testing center decided that it had no choice but to certify his scores. Like other doubters I also question his excuse.

His EC's appear at first glance to be impressive -- turning scant food into enough to feed thousands, healing the sick, making the blind see, raising someone from the dead. However, others have asserted that those are magicians tricks designed to fool the masses. Moreover, he definitely has a Messiah complex, believing himself the saviour of mankind and claiming he can forgive sins. I have learned of reports that he is a true rebel and his actions are all designed to bring down the established government so he can become king. I have visions of his leading the students to take over the administration center if we did something he disliked like our plan to cut religion courses from the curricullum because of budget cuts. Also, I wonder how a person like him will fit among all of our ambitious, success oriented students when his philosphy can be summed up in his own words as "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

He has worked as a carpenter but otherwise has not performed any work that could be considered meaningful for college admission. His recommendations are filled with glowing remarks about being the greatest person who ever lived but I am not sure how much credence we can put in recommendations that come from a prostitute (Mary Magdellan), a fisherman (Simon who also seems to go by Peter), a former tax collector turned religious fanatic (Matthew), and a filthy hermit who baptizes religious converts by attempting to drown them in lakes.

There is no legacy here though he claims to be a descendant of Abraham, and he is not an under-represented minority. His promise to provide us all with the Keys to the Kingdom of Heaven seems empty at best. I am somewhat intrigued by his belief that he will someday be crucified and then rise from the dead but then many of our applicants usually have a death wish and are on the verge of suicide anyway. In balance, I have to give a thumbs down. He is just too much of a risk and I doubt he could add anything of substance to the prestige of the university.

By Aspirer42 (Aspirer42) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 06:51 pm: Edit

Submitted for your viewing approval:

How many University of Chicago students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: they'll just all read in the dark until exams are over
OR
One: Would you really expect to see two Chicagoans doing something unscholastic together?

How many St. John's College students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four: one to read and explain Edison's patent application, two to construct a working lightbulb from his theories, and one to screw it in.

How many Davidson students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: lightbulb changing is free at Davidson.

How many UNC students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to screw it in and one to take the old bulb and save it for throwing during the next UNC-Duke game.

How many Deep Springs students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: one to walk off the ranch to find one, one to screw it in before going out to bale hay for three hours, and one to opine on how this preoccupation with lightbulb-screwing is a sign that women should be allowed to matriculate.

By Candi1657 (Candi1657) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 07:01 pm: Edit

Kinshasa...LMAO!!!

By Usunkmyb_Ship (Usunkmyb_Ship) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 07:11 pm: Edit

Yeah we should make up our own :)
*thinks*

By Ozmaweez7 (Ozmaweez7) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 08:45 pm: Edit

how many ohio state undergrads can screw in a light bulb?

none - thats a grad course

go blue

By Gameguy56 (Gameguy56) on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 10:43 pm: Edit

How many students does it take to change a lightbulb.

At Virginia Tech it takes one dressed in orange and maroon, one to
change the bulb with a heat transfer book in one hand, and the hand changing the bulb also holding a drink. Then spitting the old bulb at UVA
engineers.


At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain
how they did it every bit as well as any ivy leaguer.

At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a
friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions.

At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out
how to get high off the old one.

At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear
would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students.

At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and
three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At LSU it takes seven. And each one gets credit for four semester hours for
it.

At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how
much brighter it shines during basketball season.

At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy
an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about
how Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it.

At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy
the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!"

At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it
better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.

At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to
discuss how this will finally be the year they have a good football team.

At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.

By P3nguinpi3 (P3nguinpi3) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 01:54 am: Edit

I think the one here at Tulane is:

They did manage to find ONE sober guy on campus.

By Carolyn (Carolyn) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 01:36 pm: Edit

These are all hysterical.

By Collegeparent (Collegeparent) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 03:44 pm: Edit

That's 52 and counting. Anyone have ideas on the number of students to screw in light bulbs at any of the 30 following colleges?

Colorado
Oklahoma
Nebraska
Purdue
Notre Dame
Williams
Harvey Mudd
Bates or Colby or both
Colgate
Grinnell
Michigan
Duke
Northwestern
Johns Hopkins
NYU
Cal Tech
Wisconsin
Emory
Carnegie Mellon
Bryn Mawr
Berkeley
Kenyon
Rice
UTexas
Haverford
Syracuse
USC
Wake Forest
Macalester
Washington & Lee

By Carolyn (Carolyn) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 04:14 pm: Edit

Syracuse - Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to drive the snow plow to get to it.

By Nyugrad (Nyugrad) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 05:40 pm: Edit

How many NYU premeds does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3. One to screw in the bulb and two to knock down the ladder.

By Yodisistim (Yodisistim) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 05:46 pm: Edit

LMAO I like the one @ Syracuse...and that's exactly why I didn't apply.

By Koopatroopa (Koopatroopa) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 06:39 pm: Edit

John Hopkins:
No one changes it. The less competition the better.

University of Chicago:
One, but not before think "What would Galileo do?"

MIT:
They don't. It is a time for mourning: everytime a lightbulb goes out, a great idea has been lost.

Williams:
Muahahahaha! Lanterns triumph again!

Carleton:
One, she just has to drive to the Mall of America to get a new one.

By Chitownsfnst3 (Chitownsfnst3) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 06:47 pm: Edit

Ozmaweez7...loved the one dissing ohio state. go blue!

By Manyhats (Manyhats) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 08:31 pm: Edit

Caltech:
Five, one student to change the bulb and four students to dip the old bulb into liquid nitrogen, then drop it off the library roof.

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 09:35 pm: Edit

UC Santa Barbara

Two, one to change the bulb and the other to check it for STDs

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 09:36 pm: Edit

^ made that one up myself :P

By Lmsgoodgirl (Lmsgoodgirl) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 11:30 pm: Edit

haha i like that

By Collegeparent (Collegeparent) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 11:41 pm: Edit

Here are a few more that are out there:


How many Michigan students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten: one to change the bulb and nine to act as the Supreme Court to affirm the action.

How many Wisconsin students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to get the Cheesehead hats.

How many Colorado students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twenty-one: one to hold the bulb steady while twenty football players turn the house.

How many Duke students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to yell GO BLUE DEVILS!

How many Emory students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb -- but while listening on his hands-free cell phone, his mother gives him proper encouragement by telling him what a perfect job he is doing in order to reinforce his self-esteem.

How many Rice students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to insist that Rice is really a southern Ivy.

How many Northwestern students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to screw it in and the other to tell him how to do it according to the manual.

How many Berkeley students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2001: one to demand his right not to change the bulb and two thousand to stage the strike in support of him.

How many Macalester students does it take to change a light bulb?
Six: one to change the bulb, two to debate the political correctness of the old bulb as being used or pre-owned, two to recycle it correctly so that all glass and metal are properly separated, and one to worry that they won't cut themselves.

How many Notre Dame students does it take to change a light bulb?
25,000: one to change the bulb and the others to cheer him on from the stands.

How many Purdue students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to boast he's proud of being a Hoosier and that it has nothing to do with chickens.

How many Grinnell students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to wonder if having a degree from a small college in Iowa will get him a job in a bookstore after graduation.

How many Oklahoma students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: but when he's finished he thinks he's earned his degree in electrical engineering.

How many UTexas students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to tell the Aggie jokes.

How many Case Western students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: but that doesn't mean he's a nerd.

By Constellation35 (Constellation35) on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 11:51 pm: Edit

How many University of Chicago students does it change to win a light bulb?
Two: One to change the light bulb, and one to win a Nobel Prize for it.

(I try )

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 01:34 am: Edit

mine was better. :P

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 01:35 am: Edit

How many USC students does it take to shine a light bulb?

0, They hired somebody with their parents money to change it.

:P

By Collegeparent (Collegeparent) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 07:08 am: Edit

A few more out there:

How many Washington U students does it take to change a light bulb?
None: since they won't get their hands dirty - and besides, you could break a nail.

How many Colby students does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they prefer to be left in the dark about everything -- except when the Northern Lights appear.

How many Brandeis students does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven: one to change the bulb and ten to be a minion to mourn the passing of the other one.

How many Haverford students does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: one who waits to change the bulb while two others argue if change is good, if the bulb really wants change and that change can only happen when the bulb wants it.

How many Trinity students does it take to change a light bulb?
Who cares.

How many Bates students does it take to change a light bulb?
None: they dont' know what's burned out? Them or the light bulb?

How many Wake Forest students does it take to change a light bulb?
First, there is a campus-wide study to figure out why no one can find the light switch and then an ad hoc committee is formed to find out what a light bulb really is and what it really can contribute to society.

How many Bryn Mawr students does it take to change a light bulb?
One: to call the electrician but it had better be a woman doing a man's job.

By Collegeparent (Collegeparent) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 08:19 am: Edit

And still some more enlightening college humor:


How many Colgate students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and the other to hope that it's not another toothpaste joke.

How many Pepperdine students does it take to change a light bulb?
Later, dude. Surf's up.

How many Boston College students does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to throw the old bulb like Doug Flutie and the other to go long and catch the Hail Mary pass.

How many Miami students does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?

By Ozmaweez7 (Ozmaweez7) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 01:19 pm: Edit

i thought of a really disgusting one for colorado and am debating whether to post it or not

ok what the heck

how many colorado football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

4 - three to hold it down, and one to screw it


im sorry!

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 01:23 pm: Edit

ROFLMFAO

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 01:23 pm: Edit

and another 77 to indict a law suit accusing them of rape

By Sisyphus (Sisyphus) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 05:48 pm: Edit

How many Oxford students does it take to change a lightbulb?

'Change, what do you mean change?'

By Aspirer42 (Aspirer42) on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 07:02 pm: Edit

How many Trinity administrators does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: one to take the old one out and one to replace it with a National Merit Finalist lightbulb.

By Aspirer42 (Aspirer42) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 07:56 pm: Edit

...Oh come now, it wasn't *that* bad.

By Nj777 (Nj777) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 08:34 pm: Edit

For some reason i dont get Ozmaweezs one. Can anyone pls explain it tome. And i wont be offended- so no worries

By Ozmaweez7 (Ozmaweez7) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 08:41 pm: Edit

ill explain it since im the poster of the "joke"

at colorado theres a girl who recently came forward (who also was the only female player on the football team) saying that numerous members of the football team raped her

yes its offensive and i apologize once again and leave it up to the mods

By Icarus (Icarus) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 08:47 pm: Edit

Here's some for the UCs :-P

How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician.

How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Davis doesn't have electricity.

How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six: one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Irvine looks better in the dark (ditto Riverside).

How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One: he just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around him

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 09:07 pm: Edit

wtf? You just stole thos from other colleges...

And Irvine does not look ugly. It's a modern pre-planned city.

By Yodisistim (Yodisistim) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 09:56 pm: Edit

LMAO...Yall ARE CRAZZZZZZZZZY.
Can you guys make one up for; American, Temple, NYU, and UNC Chapel Hill?

By Aspirer42 (Aspirer42) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 09:58 pm: Edit

Yodistim: Post #5.

By Nj777 (Nj777) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 10:33 pm: Edit

Yup exactly what i was thought it was gonna be ozmaweez7

By Icarus (Icarus) on Monday, March 01, 2004 - 11:13 pm: Edit

hey flyguy,
first, I got those from some website. I hadn't even read all of the ones on this thread, and I didn't, as you implied, "steal them from other colleges".
Moreover, a lot of these can be used for many more than just one college.
And yes, I know what Irvine is like - I live about 15 minutes away from Irvine. Once again, I didn't make them up!

So lay off

By Flyguy (Flyguy) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 12:10 am: Edit

I live in Irvine..

By Icarus (Icarus) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 02:10 am: Edit

fair enough - my points stand

By Mjl86 (Mjl86) on Tuesday, March 02, 2004 - 08:49 pm: Edit

constellation, i love your of chicago one

By Laceyski08 (Laceyski08) on Thursday, March 04, 2004 - 03:15 pm: Edit

Read this on this board somewhere...
How many Bryn Mawr (works for Haverford too) does it take to change a lightbulb?
One- anymore and it would be against the honor code.

By Astrickl1984 (Astrickl1984) on Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - 05:33 am: Edit

(not actually true but funny) At Scripps...

Two: One to hold the diet coke and one to yell "Daddy"

By Jomars04 (Jomars04) on Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - 05:17 pm: Edit

How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to change the light bulb and the other to somehow blame the Bush administration for the bulb going out in the first place.

By Usunkmyb_Ship (Usunkmyb_Ship) on Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - 04:52 pm: Edit

the scripps one was funny;)

By Cassiopea (Cassiopea) on Friday, April 09, 2004 - 02:07 am: Edit

How many USC students does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to wrap the new one in duct tape so UCLA students can't deface it.


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