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When we were sophomores, my best friend's mother died. She was a single mom and she and my friend were really close. My friend got really, really depressed- understandably- and went from a perfectionist straight A student to flunking and going to school maybe two days a week.

She transferred to a small, private school, where she's been doing a lot better, and she might be able to graduate this year, but she hasn't really ever pulled her grades up. She hates taking tests so she only took the SAT once and she didn't finish any of the sections, won't tell me her score.

So now she's having to think about colleges, and she needs a good college (she's so smart, she's 'technically' gifted and talented, and she's really bright) that doesn't care about SATs, and will probably overlook her grade problem. She keeps asking me what colleges she should look at, but I don't really know what to tell her...

I've mentioned St. John's and Marlboro- don't really know if they fit or not but that's the kind of place she'd like- and now she's looking at the College of the Atlantic, in Maine, which I've never heard of, but she likes the sound of it. Does anyone know of any other places I should mention to her?

By Rocksolid4 (Rocksolid4) on Saturday, October 25, 2003 - 05:05 pm: Edit

If she's incredibly smart, and is a brilliant essay writer, she should check out Reed. I dont know her grades, and Reed isn't easy to get into, but it's reputed as a home for "wild geniuses".

By Mazzo (Mazzo) on Saturday, October 25, 2003 - 05:07 pm: Edit

Bowdoin and Bates (both in maine) are top tier schools that do not require any standardized tests

By Ksolo (Ksolo) on Saturday, October 25, 2003 - 05:10 pm: Edit

Well, pretty much any decent college requires SAT scores for admission. But I guess there are some good ones that don't. Not really sure who, what, or where they are however.

It might also be best for her to try a community college for two years, perform well academically, and then transfer to an elite institution that suits her. This might work best as it doesn't sound like she's back to her "perfectionist straight A" student level. Two years at a community college or somewhere similar, would give her a second chance to make up for the past performance. Second, she would save a lot of money going this route.

I can relate to her story though, as I too lost my parents. And it takes a LONG time to get oneself together after that. It's difficult to get yourself back on track and inspired to perform well at anything. And then me, I had a few people who I thought were close to me and wouldnt betray me, do things which effected my performance yet again. And teachers and so on, sometimes just dont understand that there are other things in one's life that has an effect on a student. And they can be merciless and quick to fail a student, while not thinking about that maybe this student has bad things they are going through.

Well, I hope she continues to pick herself up. It's cool that you are looking out for her.

By Chasgoose (Chasgoose) on Saturday, October 25, 2003 - 08:30 pm: Edit

Mt. Holyoke if she doesn't mind the all-women scene.

By Emeraldkity4 (Emeraldkity4) on Saturday, October 25, 2003 - 09:06 pm: Edit

Mt holyoke is not isolated as you would think. Students do cross register within the consortium, and are able to take classes at MIT et al, as are other students able to take classes at Holyoke, at least that is what the mom who I cochair the parent board at my daughters school tells me

( her daughter is freshman at Holoke)

By Reidmc (Reidmc) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 01:16 am: Edit

Without knowing more detail about your friend's academic record and her talents and interests it's tough to make school suggestions. And your friend's biggest problems are likely her GPA and class rank, not her SAT Is, as many good schools do not require them.

In general, I'd suggest she looks for a small school with a supportive community - one that is strong in her likely fields of interest. Or look into the community college route per the poster above. Might be good if she has friends going to the school or if it were located close to some family.

By Folk_Hero (Folk_Hero) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 02:49 am: Edit

fairtest.org has got a list of such colleges. I'd go for a LAC, if only because they are more likely to actually read her entire app and consider her as a person in the admissions process.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 11:34 am: Edit

What exactly are her grades now? I think that most colleges would understand why her grades dropped after her mother's death.

What would be important to them now, though, would be seeing whether she has been able to bounce back. They would want to know whether she has the emotional stability now to handle college.

I am wondering whether your friend is ready for college right now. The fact that she refused to take the SAT more than once indicates to me that she may be ambivalent about going to college right now.

It is very difficult to deal with a parent's death particularly when that death happens when one is young. For that reason, it may be that your friend would be better off taking time off after h.s. and working for a year or two or doing something like Americorps.

If she does decide to go to college right after h.s., I think she needs to think about what kind of environment she'd thrive in. It may be, for instance, that she would like to stay in her home town or nearby so she could remain physically close to family and to some of her friends.

It also may be that she'd be happier in a smaller environment where teaching, not research, is the professor's main focus.

If she's willing to talk to you about these things, you might be able to help her think through her options.

She also might benefit from some professional counseling that would help her figure out what post h.s. options would be best for her right now.

By Speechpathmom (Speechpathmom) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 12:28 pm: Edit

Lewis and Clark, in Portland, OR, has a "portfolio path" alternative for admissions.

By Anya (Anya) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 01:21 pm: Edit

First, thanks so much, you guys are really helping me. Second, her exact grades- I don't have a clue. She doesn't like to talk about that at all, even with me. Personally I can tell she never really "bounced back" at least in terms of schoolwork, but I think some of her teachers at her new school might be giving her lenient grades because they like her so much and they understand that she's smart, she's just having trouble.

She is thinking about taking time off after school. Right now she really wants to move to Mexico for a year- one of her best friends lives there, and she's had her happiest times there since her mom's death; she can forget about everything down there. This scares me a little because I feel like she'll never come back, and never decide to go to college, but it's not my decision... I just don't want to lose her to Mexico!

We live in Oregon, and she'd rather go far away- she has a weird situation here, because her parents were divorced and she'd never lived with her dad, but he moved here from WA to live with her afterwards and for the first nearly 2 years they were constantly... not getting along. It's finally starting to get better but I think she really wants to go far away from here and her problems.

As for the SAT- she has *always* hated tests, and of course the SAT is the worst of them all, so that partially explains that.

Anyway, thank you!

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 01:26 pm: Edit

She may think she wants to go far away, but with the losses in her life, she may find being far away much more difficult than she can imagine.

Also the best way to escape problems of the emotional sort (and I think that she probably does have emotional problems related to grieving) are to deal with them through counseling, not by running away.

It would be horrible if she ended up far away from home, in a place where she knows no one and then started having major emotional problems. It is hard enough, too, adjusting to college without also having to adjust to a totally new region of the country while also having emotional problems not related to going off to college.

By Northstarmom (Northstarmom) on Sunday, October 26, 2003 - 01:26 pm: Edit

She may think she wants to go far away, but with the losses in her life, she may find being far away much more difficult than she can imagine.

Also the best way to escape problems of the emotional sort (and I think that she probably does have emotional problems related to grieving) are to deal with them through counseling, not by running away.

It would be horrible if she ended up far away from home, in a place where she knows no one and then started having major emotional problems. It is hard enough, too, adjusting to college without also having to adjust to a totally new region of the country while also having emotional problems not related to going off to college.