Question: My son is a rising high school sophomore. He gets great grades, has won awards for his photos and films, plays concert piano and glockenspiel, and volunteers at a local history museum. Recently a friend of mine with older children said that college admission officers will frown on the fact that my son hasn’t been involved in any sports since middle school soccer. He really isn’t interested in continuing organized athletics, and I’m not even sure where these could fit into his schedule. But is he hurting his college chances?

We all can recite tales of football quarterbacks or hockey goalies who, despite nary an honors course on their transcripts, jogged off to big-name colleges while the class valedictorian carted thin envelopes to the recycling center–probably on a peanut-oil powered scooter he engineered in 8th grade. Yes, sports can be a huge boost in the admissions process, and athletic prowess has shunted many an application from the “deny” pile into the “admit” stack. BUT … that’s only when the student-athlete is good enough to catch a coach’s eye… and most won’t be.

It’s usually a quantum leap from being a high school athlete to being strong enough in one’s sport to continue in college. Many students and parents mistakenly believe that anyone who is reasonably good at a high school sport can play on at least a Division III college team. But that’s far from true. Granted, depending on the sport and the school, some teams do find a place–at least on the bench–for all putative participants. But that still doesn’t mean that a candidate’s athletic accomplishments will provide any sort of “hook” at admissions-verdict time. These are usually reserved for only the finest athletes, especially in the more common sports.

So, when parents in my purview ask about the role of their child’s athletic endeavors in the college-admissions process, my first question is always, “How good is he (or she)?” And then if the answer is “Outstanding” “Excellent,” “Extraordinary,” or “Did you see the latest issue of Water Polo Weekly?” then I’ll probably launch into a discussion of how athletic recruiting works. If the response is “good” or a more measured “pretty good,” then I’ll probe further.

But, for those parents who describe their progeny as “enthusiastic,” “spirited,” or “just okay,” I’ll point out that the pursuit of the sport is a terrific idea if the student wants to do it. On the other hand, if the student is staying involved in sports only because he or she (or mom or dad) believes that it’s an application imperative, then that’s a big mistake.

When admission officials see various varsity teams on an application, they definitely deem it “time well spent” but it won’t automatically make them dance on the ceiling. They’ll note, too, if the candidate has been elected captain or holds some other leadership role. This will be a plus, of course. Nonetheless, unless the student has the potential to help the athletic program at the college in question, then all those pre-dawn work-outs, 50-mile bus rides, or weekends spent in dank, unfamiliar YMCA’s will mean next to nothing from an admissions-hook perspective. From that point of view, these kids might have been better off engaged in other, more atypical activities–as your son is–where they are more likely to stand out in a crowd.

So, it sounds as if your son is right where he should be. If he ever decides to dust off his old cleats, that’s fine, but certainly don’t feel that he has to in order to get into the college of his choice.

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Question: Throughout my three (so far) years of high school, my grades have suffered because I have an anxiety disorder. My grades are not awful, and I’ve taken quite a few honors and AP classes–as many as i can manage–but I don’t know how to explain the erratic marks and absences. If I tell a college that I suffer from illness, they will most likely consider me a liability and reject me, but I feel that my transcript does require some explanation. How should I handle this?

We appreciate the bind that you feel you’re in, but rest assured that admission officials are very accustomed to seeing–and admitting–applicants with stories similar to yours. You are correct in believing that it’s important to explain irregularities in your transcript. You can do it succinctly, without going into excessive detail, much as you have done here. In a supplemental essay or letter (preferably not your MAIN essay) briefly discuss your diagnosis, treatment, and some of the obstacles you’ve hurdled. Be sure to balance that with the good news. That is, mention the tough classes you’ve handled successfully along with other endeavors with which you’ve fared well. It would also be useful to include a letter from a current or recent doctor or therapist that is also succinct and states clearly that you understand your condition and have a fruitful college career ahead of you.

Yes, it’s likely that some colleges may view you as a challenge they won’t want to take on, but you’re probably better off in the long run if you land on a campus where the administration is understanding of your situation. In fact, as you investigate target colleges, find out if the services you need will be readily available—preferably right on campus or at least conveniently located nearby.

In addition, ask your guidance counselor how he or she will deal with your disorder (and the absences and other academic problems it caused) in your recommendations. It will be helpful to know this as you decide what to reveal in your supplemental essay.

Above all, your goal is to be certain that you find a place that you feel is a good match for you. Once you do, make sure that your application, while revealing the struggles you’ve faced, puts the emphasis on what you’ve accomplished in spite of them.

You might also want to check out HEATH, the national clearinghouse on post-secondary education for people with disabilities. Go to www.heath.gwu.edu.

Other resources you should check out include these books: Cool Colleges for the Hyper-Intelligent, Self-Directed, Late Blooming, and Just Plain Different by Donald Asher and Colleges That Change Lives: 40 Schools You Should Know About Even If You’re Not a Straight-A Student , by Loren Pope .

Again, keep in mind that admission folks are aware that life isn’t a straight line for many of their applicants and most will be sensitive to your concerns and appreciative of the hurdles you’ve scaled.

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Question: At the gym yesterday, another mother on the adjacent Stairmaster told me that her daughter is going to apply Early Decision to her first-choice college this fall, but–if she’s deferred–she’ll apply to another college (presumably her second choice) during an “ED II round.” If admitted, she won’t wait to find out if the first college will take her in the spring. What is an ED II round? Is this permissible? Is this wise? Should I be looking into this for my own daughter, or should I just stay off the Stairmaster instead?

A growing number of colleges, particularly liberal arts schools, are offering two chances for students to apply Early Decision. The first round typically has a November deadline, and the second round will probably have a deadline in January (though these vary).

Both rounds are usually identical except for their deadlines. The advantage of the first round, however, is that ED I students admitted in December don’t have to complete other applications (although it can be wise to apply to Rolling Admissions schools while they wait). Those who apply ED II won’t get a verdict until many regular-decision deadlines have passed.

Increasingly, I’ve seen high school seniors take the ED I/II combo route that you describe. They will apply to their first-choice college in November, and then, if deferred in December, will apply ED II to another college—generally one that is just slightly less selective. Some of these one-two punches in my orbit in recent years have included Dartmouth/Colgate; Middlebury/Bates; Middlebury/Hamilton; U. of Richmond/Hobart; Washington U. in St. Louis/Emory. In each case, the applicant was deferred in the ED I round by the first college and admitted in the ED II round by the second school.

I suspect that the colleges that offer ED II often do so because they realize that they will snare some strong candidates who decide to opt for this approach–those who might have just missed getting good news from a somewhat more selective institution. Also, by offering a second round of ED, colleges attract applicants who weren’t quite ready to commit by November but who later decide that they’re more than ready to make a pledge to enroll in exchange for putting the admissions maze behind them.

Is this permissible? Yep, this approach is completely legit. Once an ED I student has been deferred, the “binding” Early Decision commitment vaporizes, and that student is now free to go elsewhere.

Is this wise? It depends on your child. If one college is truly a dream school but says “No” in December, will your daughter ever sleep again at night if she doesn’t play out the string and wait for gladder tidings in April? Conversely, if she’s been wavering between a couple top-choice colleges all along, with one slightly more competitive than the other, and with the second school offering ED II, then she may prefer to give herself the ED advantage at this second school, if the first one defers her. As you probably know, applying Early Decision does give students a bit of an admissions-odds boost at most colleges. Admission folks are usually willing to lock in strong-but-not-spectacular candidates whom they know will show up in September.

As you may also know, there can be some financial disadvantages to applying ED in any round because an affirmative decision will eliminate your chance to compare multiple aid packages. But, on the other hand, if an ED school does not offer reasonable aid, then it’s okay to wheedle out of the so-called “binding” commitment.

Even if your daughter does not want to try the ED I/ED II strategy (or it doesn’t work for the schools that most interest her), I think that it’s still worthwhile for you to be aware of this option and to know that there are others who choose it. Thus, you can’t use this new information as an excuse to stay out of the gym.

Good luck to you, whatever path your daughter takes.

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Question: I have a son entering the 7th grade. There are some students who are starting Algebra I this year. This will put them on a track to take higher level mathematics in high school. We are considering this for our son. Do colleges place a lot of weight on classes beyond calculus? Is it better to push ahead or take Algebra I in the 8th grade, which would probably give the student a better understanding of the subject? Our son is motivated and an A student. We don’t know how important the math track is to top-college admission.

The hardest decision I’ve encountered as a parent is knowing when to push my son and when to step back. Granted, my son is only 11, so nothing has been all that hard so far (no drivers’ license yet!) and the teen years still lie in wait. But, still, I do sometimes struggle when deciding how much to push (or nag!).

Colleges–especially the more competitive ones–are always eager to see that students have challenged themselves, and if your son’s high school transcript shows classes beyond calculus, that should be a plus—assuming, of course, that he also does well in them.

Another plus of being in the “fast track” in math in 7th grade is that, perhaps, this will also put your son in other classes with the same group of bright students who are in algebra with him. (This may not be the case at your son’s school, but often, in order to make schedules work, all of the algebra kids are together for English, social studies, etc., too, even if there aren’t official accelerated classes in those subjects.)

However, there are also down sides to starting algebra so early. Some colleges that give credit for 8th-grade algebra may not offer it for a class taken in grade 7. If your son continues math throughout high school, this will not be a problem. But, should he decide–for whatever reasons–not to continue in math, you may find that starting algebra so early could be a liability.

Also, if your son is an athlete and may play a sport in college, at the moment the NCAA does not recognize any classes taken in 7th or 8th grade. Again, if your son continues with math, then no problem. But should he wish to drop it after a couple years in high school, then he won’t have met the NCAA requirements (assuming that this controversial rule doesn’t change). It’s not likely, of course, that an elite-college prospect will bail on math in grade 10, but do consider yourself warned.

Since most of the stronger college applicants don’t start algebra until 8th grade–or even 9th–there’s no significant college-related reason to push your son ahead. However, if he’s chomping at the bit to get going with algebra, and if you think he can handle this extra challenge, then you just have to go into it with an awareness of the couple potential drawbacks listed above.

Good luck to you as you wrestle with this decision.

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Question: I am a high school sophomore, but I am 12 right now. I will be attending college at 15. Will this help me or hurt me in the college admissions process? What can I do to prove I am mature enough to handle college? Academics will not be an issue, because I am at the top of my class and a great test-taker, but I am worried colleges will not feel I am old enough to handle living away from home.

Being only 15 when you head off to college may be both a liability and a plus. Yes, admission officials probably will scrutinize your application materials extra carefully to make sure that you can handle the social demands of college life. However, your exceptional academic abilities will also make you stand out, even in highly competitive applicant pools. If admission folks suspect that you are an exceptionally gifted student–one who is capable of great things in life–that will make you an attractive candidate, regardless of the number of candles on your birthday cake.

So–just as you suggest–when it’s time to apply to colleges, you should provide extra “ammunition” to show admission committees that you are ready to live independently, even though you will be much younger than your classmates.

One good way to do this is to enroll in a residential summer program on a college campus where you will be living with high school students of all ages (and perhaps even with college students, too). This way, your applications will indicate that you have spent a month or more away from home, residing in a dorm among students who may be in your grade but who aren’t your age.

Opportunities like this abound (and some–though certainly not all–provide financial aid for those who really need it). For example, Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts–where I used to work–has a month-long summer program for aspiring female scientists and engineers. It is open to all girls who will be in high school in the fall, so the age range runs from roughly 13 to 17 or 18. This sort of situation might be good for you because you would be living and studying with girls who are your age … and also those in your grade.

In addition, when it’s time to apply to college, ask your school counselor and all the teachers who write references on your behalf to be sure to emphasize your social and emotional readiness for college, as well as your academic successes.

Most important, you, yourself, need to feel ready to begin college at 15. It sounds from the tone of your question that you think you will be, but do keep in mind that a growing number of students now elect a “gap year” between high school and college, where they pursue something productive (either academic or otherwise). This might be an option for you, too, if you prefer to start school when you’re not quite as many years behind your classmates.

Finally, while almost all college-bound freshmen should talk as openly as possible with their parents about their shared–and differing–expectations, you need to be especially sure that you and your parents are on the same page when it comes to your college life. For instance, you probably expect to leave home and live in a dorm at age 15. Is your family on board with this plan? Will your parents expect you to stay close to home and perhaps visit on weekends? If so, does this mesh with your expectations?

When making admission decisions about younger applicants, college officials will want to make sure that all involved–the student, her teachers and counselor, and often even her parents–concur that this is the right plan at the right time. So a letter of “recommendation” from your mother or father that attests to your maturity and your comfort level with older teens might be a helpful unsolicited submission, too. In general, some admission officials enjoy hearing from parents while others roll their eyes. But, in your unusual case, it could be helpful for your parents to provide their own insights into your readiness for college … as well as to convince admission committees that they’re ready to let you go.

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Question: In September, my daughter will be attending a university in Boston, which is about five hours by car from our home. I’m nervous about her leaving home, but I’m obsessing even MORE about how she comes back. She’s already gathering names of other local underclassmen with cars who can drive her home for vacations in exchange for a contribution to their gas costs. This is a concept that I remember well from my own college days, but now I’m having a hard time accepting the idea of my daughter riding with a stranger–even a fellow student–who may be inexperienced driving long distances on major highways and in bad weather. Is this ride-sharing still a common practice?

“The Dean” also recalls being stuffed like a sardine in a dilapidated Dodge Dart, chipping in a couple bucks to cover the cost of gas and tolls from Massachusetts back to Philadelphia. Yet, in recent years, I’ve often noted that the many of my contemporaries who share similar memories nonetheless provide vacation-time chauffeur service for their own offspring. Sure, some kids still ride home with other students, but that seems to be more the exception these days and less the norm.

So, this is a judgment call that you may be forced to make next fall … not unlike others that surely came before it. Remember all those leaps of faith you’ve taken over the years … the first time your little girl walked to school alone? Rode her bike to the store? Went out on her first “real” date? Spent a weekend at the beach with a friend you couldn’t pick out of a line-up? There were probably times when you said “Yes” when other parents were saying, “No,” and other occasions when you put your foot down firmly, although you were told (amidst tears), “Everyone else is doing it, Dad!”

Well, once again, it’s up to you to determine the boundaries of your comfort zone, but it’s probably time for another one of those leaps of faith. After all, you can’t expect to monitor your daughter’s drivers forever. But, on the other hand, it seems reasonable to ask her to use some sort of screening process when accepting a ride from a stranger. For starters, she should confirm that her driver really is a fellow student. She should find someone else she knows who knows this person, too, and can vouch for his or her good character and judgment. You can also talk with your daughter about other options. Are you and/or your spouse willing to make the trip? If so, how would your daughter feel about that? As I said, in today’s college culture it’s not unusual to rely on Mom and Dad for rides. Your daughter might actually be happy to avoid the hassle of finding her own transportation. Alternatively, unlike more remote campuses, every school in Boston has easy access to planes, trains, and buses.

With a teenager under your roof, you’ve undoubtedly learned to pick your battles, so whether this is a fight or flight issue is up to you. But do keep in mind that, as soon as you air your concerns about riding in a car with a total stranger, you’ve opened the door for your daughter to start lobbying for a car of her own.

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Question: At her high school awards night, my daughter received about $10,000 thanks to many private scholarships and awards. The intent of these awards was to help pay her expenses. Her college’s policy is to deduct these from her self-help first then from institutional scholarships. Any ideas on how to keep the money from reducing the grant?

Congratulations on your daughter’s awards. It’s quite an honor for her to receive so many accolades, but–as you have already surmised–the prizes may be longer on praise than they are on actual dough, once the dust settles.

When it comes to dealing with “outside scholarships,” college policies are all over the map. Most schools will begin by deducting the award money from self-help (work study, loans), but then the prizes can start to eat into the good stuff … grants.

As you probably know, all outside scholarships must be reported to your daughter’s college, and there can be hell to pay (and $$$ penalties) if you stay mum. It sounds like you’ve already notified the school, so you’ve gotten some Brownie Points for your prompt disclosure. Now, the next step is to create a specific list of college-related expenses that you’d been hoping the prize money might cover. For instance, if your daughter needs a computer, printer, and scanner, these should go on the list. If her major requires atypically expensive books or supplies, then include them as well. If she expects to do an off-campus internship and must pay for public transportation or even a car, put the anticipated cost on the roster. Try to think of all extenuating circumstances that are applicable to your daughter’s academic (or related) needs, but don’t stretch the points too hard (e.g., “Summer ecology research program in Belize” would qualify; “Spring break in Daytona for much-needed R&R would not!).

If you tell financial aid officials that you have earmarked the award money for essential academic purposes, they may have some wiggle-room when it comes to paring down your grants. But one important rule of thumb to keep in mind this that, whenever you endeavor to bargain with finaid officers, it’s important to always sound appreciative and never entitled.

Good luck with your negotiations. Let us know how you make out, and best wishes for a wonderful college career for your daughter,

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Question: How do you begin to reapply to college after your gap year? How do you obtain the old information submitted previously (e.g., counselor/teacher recommendations)?

I can’t tell if you intend to apply to colleges to which you’ve already applied or to other ones, so I’ll answer the question both ways.

First, if you’re planning to take another shot at schools that already said, “No,” then you’ve got an uphill battle ahead. It’s uncommon to be admitted after a gap year to a college that turned you down. Your odds would be much better if you went elsewhere first and then reapplied as a transfer. But if you plan to reapply to colleges that already admitted you, then your chances of getting in are good. In any case, schools to which you applied as a senior should still have much of your old information on file, so your first step is to contact them and ask them what they’ll need. But, as you do, keep in mind that a gap year can be an eye-opening, life-changing experience, so you may find that the colleges you applied to this past year don’t “fit” you quite as well as you thought they did by the time your year-off is over.

If, however, you’re aiming for new colleges, then it’s a good idea to contact your high school guidance counselor right now and ask what materials are on file in the guidance office and how to access them in the fall or early winter, when your applications will probably be due. Your high school file may–or may not–also include the references you solicited from your teachers. If your school file does include these references, then the guidance office can probably send them out for you when your start to apply. If your file does not include references, then it will be up to you to track down your teachers and ask them to please send copies of their letters to additional schools. The smartest time to do this is now. The teachers probably still have copies of the recommendations they wrote for you, but they may not keep them for posterity. So warn the teachers ASAP that you’ll need their help once again. You will also have to order SAT or ACT scores sent to the new colleges, if required.

Finally, whether you’re reapplying to colleges that you applied to before or to brand-new ones, you should also send updated information that explains what you’ve been doing during your gap year, along with another more recent recommendation from someone who taught you or worked with you (etc.) during your time off.

Hope you have a wonderful gap year. “The Dean” wouldn’t mind taking one, too.

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Question: I am a freshman at a public university that is not very selective. I never got spectacular grades in high school and was the athlete who was “too cool” to study. I ended up with a 3.5 GPA and was admitted here with a full-tuition scholarship for four years. Now that I’m in college, I’ve put great effort into my studies and have a perfect 4.0 GPA. I like biology, and I think I want to go on to get my Masters. My concern is that, by attending a middle-of-the-road state university, I will not be accepted by a good grad school. Should I transfer to a better college?

Congratulations on your outstanding college record so far. You can certainly apply to transfer to a more selective college, if you so choose. Your best bet, however, would be to wait until next year to start the application process, with the aim of transferring as a junior. That way you would have three semesters of college work under your belt before application deadlines which would maximize your chances of admission to a highly competitive school. This would also enable you to keep costs to a minimum by staying where you are for as long as possible.

BUT … there is really no need to transfer if your objective is to attend a top graduate school. Grad school admission committees–just like undergrad admission committees–value “diversity,” and thus they like to see a range of undergraduate colleges represented in their incoming class. You may find that it will be beneficial (as well as cheaper!) to stay where are so that you can be a “big fish in a small pond.” Keep up the good work you’ve done so far, and also ask your professors about research and internship opportunities, either during the school year or over the summer. Look for ways to get involved in extracurricular activities and, especially, to take on campus leadership roles.

Having strong credentials at your undergrad college is much more important to the grad-school admission folks than the prestige of the college you’re attending.

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Question: My son was accepted by three colleges, and he has chosen the one he wants to attend. Are there samples somewhere of what to write the two schools he has decided not to attend? We would like to be as polite as possible and express thanks for the opportunities.

It’s a breath of fresh air–and good karma indeed–that your son will take the time to personally write to the two colleges he won’t attend. Although I firmly believe that almost anything we’d ever want is already out there somewhere in Cyberspace, I’m not sure where you’d find the samples you seek. So, instead, I’ll write them for you.

There are actually two versions of this letter that your son can compose. The first one is very short and sweet:

Dear [NAME OF COLLEGE] Admission Office: [Or, if your son has had contact with a specific admission official, you can write directly to him or her]:

[Your son’s name, school name, and school city/town]

Alternatively, if you don’t have to do too much nagging to get your son to write something longer, then admission officials would really value a more detailed letter that might include all or some of this information:

-the college he plans to attend

-any part of their recruitment effort that was especially worthwhile

That sample would look something like this:

Dear [NAME OF COLLEGE] Admission Office: [Or, if your son has had contact with a specific admission official, you can write directly to him or her]:

[Your son’s name, school name, and school city/town]

Your son can send his regrets via either e-mail or snail-mail, although I recommend the latter. It shows a little bit more effort, and it will also increase the likelihood that the note will be filed with your son’s other application materials. After all, you never know if he’ll decide to transfer in a year or two, so it can’t hurt to leave a favorable impression as he says farewell.

Hope that helps. Best wishes to you and your son as he embarks on his college career,

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