Question: I am a first-year college student. My first semester is in great danger. I already dropped one of my classes because I didn’t want to get a really low GPA, and now my grades in my other four classes are low, too. It’s almost the end of the term. What can I do to save my grades? I’m scared!

The bad news is that low freshman grades can dog you for many years thereafter if you don’t act now to reverse the trend. They’ll drag down your GPA, even if your marks improve, which may ultimately have some impact on graduate school admissions and even on job opportunities and career paths. The good news, however, is that, if you’re able to dig out of this hole, your struggle this semester will not play a starring role in your future–or perhaps not any role at all. Grad school admission committees will note a “rising record” and pay minimal attention to a rough beginning. So you’re smart to address this issue promptly, to confront your fears instead of burying your head in the sand.

What can you do at the last minute?

1) Ask yourself if your grades are really low or just below the lofty goals you’ve set for yourself. Many students today seem to be disgusted with C’s (or even B’s) although those who were straight-A students in high school often find that college is a big wake-up call, and A’s may not be at all easy to earn. As noted above, most graduate school admission officials recognize that the transition to college work can be huge, and they tend to over look spotty freshman transcripts. So, for starters, consider that perhaps you’re being too hard on yourself and try to lighten up.

4) Take advantage of free college resources. Make an appointment with the school counseling services immediately to discuss your fears about this semester. Even if your grades can’t change, you may find it comforting just to have someone to vent to about this, who will probably also remind you that countless others have been in your shoes and have gone to great things afterwards. If you’re currently studying for final exams or writing final papers, connect with the campus academic-assistance center to get some guidance. Again, simply feeling that someone is in your corner can be a huge relief at this stressful time of year.

Finally, use your vacation time ahead to think about what you are studying and why. Are you taking classes that excite you or are you fulfilling parental expectations? Is your college the right fit for you or should you be exploring other options? For example, if the burden of five courses (which sounds as if it may be the norm at your school but definitely isn’t elsewhere) seems too much, consider choosing a college with a different average load. For example, colleges on the “trimester” system typically expect students to take three classes per trimester. Colorado College and Cornell College (in Iowa) offer a “Block Plan,” where students take only one class at time (!) for mini-terms that last about a month. For those who don’t like to multitask, the Block Plan can be a super way to focus all efforts on just a single subject for a short period of time. (I once took a “Block Plan” grad school course. It met 13 hours/week for just three weeks. It was the only time in my college career that I did all the required reading and all the optional reading, too.)

Although you may be scared right now, you may someday look back on your current situation as the catalyst that inspired you to dig inside yourself and figure out where you really want to be and what you really want to do.

Good luck with your finals and with your decisions ahead.

Question: College students are often warned about the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse, date rape, unplanned pregnancies, and STD’s … although much of this advice, unforuntately, is met with rolled eyes or deaf ears. But what other safety suggestions can you make to first-year students that they may be more inclined to heed?

While caution when dealing with strangers and strange neighborhoods springs to mind, I suspect that this, too, may fall under the in-one-ear-and-out-the-other rubric. The same goes with, “Make certain you ride with only safe and sober drivers.”

But two safety issues that students might be more apt to consider if warned are:

#1. Fire hazards: Candles are illegal in most dorms, but this rule is commonly disregarded, and unattended candles cause many campus fires and even loss of life. If you want to create “ambiance,” try replacing a standard light bulb with a red one. Skip the flames! Also, when I was in college, a student put a towel over a lamp to dim it, apparently to effect a romantic mood. Instead, she started a serious fire. Mercifully, most of the damage was the result of the sprinkler system, not the smoke or fire, but that certainly put a damper on her love life … so to speak.

#2. Pedestrian crossings: Even though I live in a pretty tame college town, there have been two students killed and several others injured in recent years. These accidents took place when the students were crossing the street, often in a marked crosswalk. Students tend to forget that not all drivers obey crosswalk laws, and some students simply bolt out in front of traffic, many with iPods blaring or in mid-phone-chatter. Such accidents are tragic …. and so easily avoided.

I hope that CC members will add other good safety suggestions that students might actually keep in mind as they start their college careers. Even little quirky things that may be specific to only a few kids or campuses (e.g., Gorge caution at Cornell) would be helpful.

Question: Have there been any studies conducted that suggest the optimal living situation for freshman students (single, double, triple, quad …)? My daughter just entered her freshman year at a small liberal arts college and the room–clearly designed for two–is housing three students. All students in the honors dorm are similarly housed, and I question the overcrowding and how this may negatively impact her academics.

I don’t know if any freshman housing studies have been done, but I suspect that there have been many. After all, what topic these days hasn’t been studied ad nauseam? And, of course, any time there’s a question with a common-sense answer, it somehow seems that thousands of dollars are spent researching it anyway. Certainly, the common-sense answer here is that students crowded into too-small dorm rooms will often have less study time and added stress. It’s usually easier for two roommates to coexist rather than three or four. The more bodies squeezed into a small space, the more likely it is that there will be multiple sleeping schedules and study schedules … and many multiple visitors.

So, sure, as a parent, it’s understandable that you are worried when you see that your daughter’s rooming situation is less than ideal. But do keep in mind that there are many lessons learned in college that aren’t learned in the classroom. As a result of her crowded digs, your daughter may hone her skills in time-management and diplomacy. Moreover, as the parent, it’s easy to project your own needs onto your child’s. When most of us are old enough to be sending a kid to college, we’re also too old to imagine sharing a bathroom with a dozen others or even a closet with a near-stranger. But such rites of passage come with the college turf, and they aren’t as terrorizing to teenagers as they might be to you and me.

Thus, as your daughter’s freshman year gets underway, it’s important that you encourage her to make the most of her situation—assuming that she’s bothered by it in the first place. Don’t point out the negatives; emphasize the pluses. On the other hand, if there are problems that seem irreconcilable, then you can support your daughter as she notifies the Residence Life staff at her school, with the hope of prevailing upon administrators to provide more reasonable accommodations. But, meanwhile, don’t anticipate these problems. Your daughter may do just fine, and she might even emerge from her close quarters with greater flexibility and self-confidence, along with a few extra pairs of socks and undies, too.

Question: On my roommate-matching questionnaire, I wrote down that I do not smoke and expect to live with another non-smoker. I found out that the college always respects that preference, and I was assigned a non-smoking roommate… or so I thought. But then I met my roommate at orientation. She seems really nice, but later that night I saw her outside having a cigarette with some other kids. I was shy about asking if she really does smoke. Maybe it was a one-time–or just occasional– thing, or maybe she is going to start smoking in college. I really DON’T want to share a room with a smoker. What should I do?

You have “The Dean’s” sympathy. I, too, had a freshman roommate who took up the nasty habit in our first semester. Back in those days (1969) I must admit I was pretty oblivious. But if it happened to me now, I’d be ready to jump out the window. It’s possible that your roomie was just trying to fit in with some new friends she met at orientation, and there will be no butts about her when she starts school for real. On the other hand, it could be that she’s been a smoker all along but had to fill out the housing questionnaire under close parental scrutiny. It seems that your only options are to:

-contact the roommate pronto to tell her what you saw and how you feel about it. Maybe you’ll get a “I don’t know what possessed me that night” reply, and you can breathe a (smoke-free) sigh of relief.

-suck it up (the situation that is, not the smoke) and hope that the roommate only smokes elsewhere (is the dorm itself smoke-free?) and keeps her stinky stuff in a separate closet

None of those approaches are ideal, but–if you’ve got the guts for it–the first one is probably the place to start.

Good luck!

Question: In September, my daughter will be attending a university in Boston, which is about five hours by car from our home. I’m nervous about her leaving home, but I’m obsessing even MORE about how she comes back. She’s already gathering names of other local underclassmen with cars who can drive her home for vacations in exchange for a contribution to their gas costs. This is a concept that I remember well from my own college days, but now I’m having a hard time accepting the idea of my daughter riding with a stranger–even a fellow student–who may be inexperienced driving long distances on major highways and in bad weather. Is this ride-sharing still a common practice?

“The Dean” also recalls being stuffed like a sardine in a dilapidated Dodge Dart, chipping in a couple bucks to cover the cost of gas and tolls from Massachusetts back to Philadelphia. Yet, in recent years, I’ve often noted that the many of my contemporaries who share similar memories nonetheless provide vacation-time chauffeur service for their own offspring. Sure, some kids still ride home with other students, but that seems to be more the exception these days and less the norm.

So, this is a judgment call that you may be forced to make next fall … not unlike others that surely came before it. Remember all those leaps of faith you’ve taken over the years … the first time your little girl walked to school alone? Rode her bike to the store? Went out on her first “real” date? Spent a weekend at the beach with a friend you couldn’t pick out of a line-up? There were probably times when you said “Yes” when other parents were saying, “No,” and other occasions when you put your foot down firmly, although you were told (amidst tears), “Everyone else is doing it, Dad!”

Well, once again, it’s up to you to determine the boundaries of your comfort zone, but it’s probably time for another one of those leaps of faith. After all, you can’t expect to monitor your daughter’s drivers forever. But, on the other hand, it seems reasonable to ask her to use some sort of screening process when accepting a ride from a stranger. For starters, she should confirm that her driver really is a fellow student. She should find someone else she knows who knows this person, too, and can vouch for his or her good character and judgment. You can also talk with your daughter about other options. Are you and/or your spouse willing to make the trip? If so, how would your daughter feel about that? As I said, in today’s college culture it’s not unusual to rely on Mom and Dad for rides. Your daughter might actually be happy to avoid the hassle of finding her own transportation. Alternatively, unlike more remote campuses, every school in Boston has easy access to planes, trains, and buses.

With a teenager under your roof, you’ve undoubtedly learned to pick your battles, so whether this is a fight or flight issue is up to you. But do keep in mind that, as soon as you air your concerns about riding in a car with a total stranger, you’ve opened the door for your daughter to start lobbying for a car of her own.

Question: I was recently admitted to the University of Connecticut for next fall, and I was pretty surprised to find out that I was invited to join the Honors program. I’ve been reading about the program, and I’ve noticed that there is special Honors housing. Why is this? Will I be living with ONLY honors students? I really don’t want to be isolated from the general student body.
Congratulations on your admission to the UConn honors program.

I don’t know anything about their honors housing except what I read on the UConn Web site. (See below.) But, in general, some colleges and universities give honors students a choice of living in an honors dorm or not, while other schools automatically put all honors students together. It sounds like UConn falls into this latter group, but it’s worth a phone call there to double check.

Most of the time, honors students at big public universities appreciate the chance to live with like-minded others. Typical first-year problems (e.g., alcohol abuse, noisy all-night parties) are often less prevalent in honors dorms. Not surprisingly, too, honors dorms tend to be among the nicest ones on many campuses. On the other hand, I’ve occasionally spoken with honors students who, like you, prefer NOT to be segregated from the general population.

According to the UConn Honors Program Web site, after your first year you have the option of remaining in honors housing or living elsewhere on campus.

Personally, unless you have strong reasons for wanting to avoid the honors dorm, I would suggest that–if you enroll at UConn–you do elect to live there for at least your first year, if indeed you have a choice. Transitioning to college life can be challenging, and living in a place with students who share your academic talents and focus may help to make that transition smoother. You will have plenty of opportunities to mingle with other classmates, regardless of where you live on campus.

Here is the link to the UConn honors housing page, along with the text that explains the options.

http://www.honors.uconn.edu/community-housing/index.php?p=housing&s=south

Housing

Honors housing provides the opportunity to live in an academic environment that supports the social, emotional, and personal growth of Honors students. Living in Honors housing will facilitate a stronger sense of community within the program and will encourage your academic success.

As first year Honors students, you will be assigned to live in Shippee Hall, which is the Honors First-Year Residential Community. There are also some spaces for Honors students who wish to continue living in Shippee after their first year. After the first year, you will have a wide variety of housing options offered by the Department of Residence Life. You may live in any housing option that is available during room selection after the first year. You may also wish to continue living in Honors Housing in the upper-division residence hall, South A. Traditionally, South A has housed juniors and seniors in the Honors Program.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

Question: It’s nearly December of my senior year in college, and I feel as though my entire college career has been a waste. I haven’t made any friends or made any memories that will last a lifetime. I’ve been discouraged from doing extracurricular activities because my family wants me home for dinner every night after my classes are over, and they’ve traditionally looked down on clubs and organizations unless they’re part of a class. In year four, is it too late to change? Should I just give up or do you have any suggestions for me on how to not waste my last year?

It sounds like you’ve got two separate but overlapping issues here. It’s certainly not too late to spice up your senior year with the collegiate activities and friendships that you’ve missed so far, but you also have to be looking down the road beyond college. If your family has kept such tight reins on you, what do they expect after graduation? Do they still think you’ll be living at home and having dinner with them every night?

A family pow-wow is long overdue. Be sensitive to your parents’ feelings and values, but try to explain that they’re doing you a disservice by keeping such strict control over your time. Show them the letter that you wrote to us. Help them to realize that you feel your college experience has been “wasted” by the boundaries they’ve imposed.

If there is a “mediator” in your life (e.g., a relative they respect but who will understand your perspective, too; a member of the clergy or any other adult who might be able to build a bridge between your opposing viewpoints), then it may be time to seek an ally when you propose this talk.

If you don’t think the talk will work, start by putting your thoughts in writing, as you did for us. You should address not only your concerns about your squandered college years so far, but also a “game plan” that outlines your goals for the months ahead. Make sure that your plan includes plenty of family time as well as an ample dose of opportunity for you to branch out.

It should also include your post-graduation goals. Are you expecting to live at home? What does your family expect? Could this be a good time to assert your independence by attending graduate school or finding a job that will be too far away to allow you to commute?

Before you approach your family, you might want to read this article, “Commuting: Is it the Right Fit?” by Nicole Verardi

http://www.nacacnet.org/MemberPortal/News/StepsNewsletter/commuting.htm

Although it’s really geared to high school students and their parents who are considering a commuter college, I think that some of the advice is apt for you, as well. Note my own comments near the end that call for clarifying parental and student expectations regarding commitments to the household.

Pay special attention to the section that suggests that “You Don’t Have to be Disconnected from the Campus Experience.” This offers you some ideas on how to be more involved on campus. Even with just a semester or so left, you’ve got time to enjoy your college career.

Here’s an appropriate holiday gift for your parents:

Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years, by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger.

While, again, this book is best read by those whose offspring are just finishing high school, your parents should still find it useful and comforting. If you think you can present it to them in a way that won’t enrage them, then it’s worth a shot. Nonetheless, you should anticipate some anger and/or hurt feelings as you broach this topic, but hold your course. The issue is too important to sidestep simply out of fear of an unpleasant confrontation.

Meanwhile, try not to feel as if your college years have been wasted because of your homefront situation. Sure, you may always have regrets about how you spent your time–or didn’t. But rest assured that many of us who did fully participate in college life look back with regrets as well (plus there are all those awful photos that keep resurfacing. Believe me, when you’re 55 you don’t want to see yourself in a toga at age 19!) With hindsight, you will probably find that there are even pluses to your circumstances. In any case, it does no good to dwell on what might have been. It’s time to focus on the future and on the changes you can make over the months immediately ahead–as well as in many years beyond them.

We wish you well.

Question: What are the pros and cons of graduating from college in less than four years for the student and for the institution?
The greatest benefit for a student who is able to graduate in less than four years is the opportunity to save money … up to about $50,000 for those who attend the priciest of the private schools. (Obviously, I’m counting not only tuition, room, and board, but also student activities fees, books, and pizza.)

For some students, a speedier undergraduate experience also means an express route to grad school or a career. In other words, if you know what you want to do and are eager to get going on it (e.g., law school) then you may want to expedite your time as an undergrad.

For institutions, early grads are only problematic if the trend becomes too popular. When students are paying by the semester and not by the credit, then an undergrad who accelerates will often take an extra-heavy course load (e.g., five classes instead of the standard four, at some schools) and the college doesn’t receive extra compensation. If too many students want to graduate in less than the traditional four years, it can make for crowded classrooms and overburdened professors.

Similarly, if early graduation is your goal, then depending on the college you attend, you may–or may NOT–be able to get into all the classes you need to take within the time you’ve allotted yourself. Also, some early grads also complain that, while an accelerated program is a great money-saver, they don’t have room in their schedules for “fun” electives or they don’t get to take part in special senior-class traditions.

One student I know planned to graduate in three years so that her parents could afford her very expense liberal arts college. However, because of this, she would not be able to spend her junior year abroad as she had hoped. (College rules did not allow it for accelerating students.) So, as a compromise, she went on leave for a year and taught in China (where she even got paid!). Thus, she was able to experience living abroad, save her parents lots of dough, and–because of the time off–will graduate with her original class next May.

So, if you do think that acceleration may be right for you, keep in mind that there may be ways to work around whatever pitfalls you encounter.

Good luck!

Question: After you apply to college and have been accepted, how can you arrange who will become your roommate?

Colleges have different systems for matching roommates. Typically, however, pairings are based on your responses to a series of questions that you’ll submit during the summer before your freshman year. These questions may ask about your sleep patterns (are you a morning person or a night owl?), your housekeeping skills (are your a neatnik? a slob?) and, above all, your smoking habits (unless there is no smoking in any dorm, in which case the question is moot). Sometimes the questionnaires are longer–more like those used by dating services–and explore your tastes in music, movies, literature, etc. Occasionally, even freshmen have the opportunity to live in “theme houses” (vegetarian, substance-free, French-speaking, etc.), and thus, if you do, too, you’ll know that your roommate will share at least one of your interests.

These days, many matches are made by computer but–at some schools–there is a human element, as well. Most colleges try to put students together who aren’t from the same high school or even from the same part of the country, but that will depend a lot on the college in question. Many housing officials will honor your request–if you have one–to room with a friend or acquaintance. I often encourage students to use the start of college as a time to meet new friends rather than to cling to the safety of the old. However, because the beginning of college life offers many challenges and changes, I also understand why some students feel the need to live with someone familiar.

If you’ll be living with a stranger (or, sometimes, more than one), keep in mind that sometimes the best roommates are not the best of friends. A thoughtful and cooperative roommate doesn’t have to share your passions or your social life. So don’t be quick to judge your roomie as incompatible just from the clothes on her back or the CDs on her shelf.

Question: I’m a college student who wants to know if there is any way to truly balance academic life with social life.

Some students seem to have little trouble juggling schoolwork and socializing. In many cases, this is because of who they are. Some of us are better than others when it comes to resisting temptations or saying no to peer pressure. Some students, too, worry more about grades and class performance than others do, and they work hard to make academics a priority.

To a great degree, this is an acquired skill. Freshmen aren’t accustomed to a typical college schedule which can mean only one or two classes on some days (or even none on others) and deadlines that may be weeks or months away. While their workloads are often gigantic, their free-time periods seem so too, and it’s easy to procrastinate. It often takes a semester or two (or three) to perfect the fine art of knowing how much work to do and when to do it.

The college one attends can make a big difference as well. Some places are renowned for their 24/7 parties, while–at the opposite extreme–are schools where strict rules keep socializing to a minimum and pose serious consequences for alcohol use. Some colleges have such an intense academic atmosphere that students wisely confine partying to the weekends. Students at these schools find that peer pressure can mean hitting the books, not the bars.

However, if you’re already in college, don’t plan to transfer, and fear that your schoolwork may not survive, here are a few suggestions:

1. Work in the library not in your dorm room. There are fewer temptations there. Some colleges even allocate library carrels to those who want them, so you can have your own home away from home.

2. Select your dorm thoughtfully. Often “theme” dorms (e.g., foreign language, vegetarian cuisine, “Great Books”) attract more serious students than those earmarked for the general population. “Substance Free” is, in fact, a common theme. Some dorms or dorm complexes have resident faculty members who oversee mini-courses available only to residents. These dorms, too, are usually popular with a more academic crowd than the high-rises with satellite TV in every lounge. Even campuses without theme houses or mini-courses tend to have some living areas that are reputed to be far more sedate than others. Similarly, off-campus housing can mean more solitude and study time or it could put you smack dab in Party Central, if you land in an apartment complex full of students or stuffed in a bedroom with mulitple others. Choose wisely.

3. Join a club or organization (or a few). Social life doesn’t have to mean sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Many students bond with their fellow staffers on the school newspaper or have a great time on Outing Club expeditions. You don’t have to sign up for the Campus Crusade for Christ to find a group of friends who prefer to direct their energies to more worthwhile ventures than tapping a keg.

4. Get outside help. If you’re really struggling to keep your focus on your academic commitments, you might want to talk to either your faculty advisor or a member of the college counseling staff. He or she may suggest setting up regular check-ins to chart your progress and can offer advice that is specific to your campus and situation.

The fact that you’re asking this question in the first place indicates that you do want to make the most of your college years and not waste your time–or a huge amount of money–on experiences that are far more frivolous than fruitful.

It is possible to balance academic and social life, but if it continues to seem totally impossible for you, in spite of your determination to do so, then it may be time for a transfer.